Shortchanging the country is our job

Asif Zardari, the former president of Pakistan, and the will-certified co-chairman of the Pakistan Peoples Party, has called his sister, Faryal Talpur, his son, Bilawal, party stalwarts senators Raza Rabbani and Sherry Rehman, and Farhatullah Babar to discuss the on-going situation with his legal issues.

Apart from the fake accounts and money laundering cases, there is the Park Lane Estate, a real estate company, case which Zardari and Bilawal jointly own.

As usual, Zardari has in front of him a few overloaded ashtrays and bottles of sherry.

Zardari, take a few deep puffs, and starts, “I am not too happy with [PPP senator Mustafa Nawaz] Khokhar’s performance in Islamabad. I was expecting at least 50,000 people at the NAB (National Accountability Bureau) office for the hearing.

“Sherry, we need to do better. We should have caused tremors… We should have locked down Islamabad.

“Where is Aitizaz [Ahsan, former cabinet minister]? Why he was not there, reciting his poetry?

“At least, I am told that our loyalists in the media are doing a fantastic job. Of course, there is the indefatigable Marvi Sirmed (Special Correspondent Daily Times, Islamabad)… God bless. Never misses a beat to hit out at Imran… She doesn’t care for the facts, she just hits out at Imran.

“I am seeing another ardent supporter in America, Raza Rumi…”

Sherry quickly offers, “Raza was editor of our Taseers’ Daily Times. He is our foot soldier.”

Zardari takes a few quick cigarette puffs and continues, “But all of us owe the greatest admiration to Hamid Mir (of Geo News). What a brilliant suggestion he made today that Mahathir, whom Imran admires so much, not only got Anwar Ibrahim out of jail, but also made him deputy prime minister.

“Never of course, any of my children will serve under or with Imran but the forgiveness angle is perfect. Let us toast to Hamid Mir.

“Rabbani don’t you think that Bilawal’s press conference was brilliant? I am told that most of the Indian newspapers and television stations highlighted his revelation that Imran took a few religious leaders into protective custody to save them from Indian bombing. I really appreciate the lines Sherry wrote for him.”

Bilawal seeks permission and proceeds, “Yes, Papa, Uncle Hamid Mir made a brilliant suggestion but this puppet Imran kept talking about corruption with Dr. Mahathir Mohamad.

“You don’t wash your dirty linen in front of your guests.”

Zardari continues, “Good your brought up Mahathir’s visit. I am sensing great danger because he is giving Imran all the wrong ideas that he set up special courts to hear corruption cases. So now what Imran does is that not only he declares that he wants corruption courts to be set up as soon as possible but also wants to change laws for this to materialize.”

Bilawal adds, “Mahathir told the media that he and Imran had exchanged ideas on how to combat corruption.

“This is scary. And also, Imran was telling the media that Malaysia’s anti-corruption model is the best example for Pakistan to follow.

“What I have heard that Imran has taken much from Mahathir. You know that Mahathir made a coalition with Anwar Ibrahim and Chinese-dominated parties to take out [former prime minister] Najib Razak, just like Imran aligned with Pervez Elahi and Sheikh Rasheed to take us out and Uncle Nawaz.”

Zardari, directing his eyes toward Sherry, states, “Sherry, yes this all is very scary. We all know that our loyal journalists are performing beautifully, but we need to push them to put in overtime. It is simply blasphemous to question the grandson of the Immortal Zulfikar Ali Bhutto and the son of the Queen of Martyrs, Benazir.”

Sherry offers, “Undoubtedly, Hamid Mir is the most loyal person one can have. Do you know that he has not even uttered a single word about Geo’s cameraman who was beaten to near death by our people when you and Bilawal were at the NAB office.”

Zardari takes a few more deep puffs and adds, “May God bless him. His love for our Immortal Martyrs is truest.”

Rabbani offers, “Hamid is a genius. Most of the time he is just testing what pitch can he sell by gauging the response from people. I think that’s part of his business model. All power to him. Hamid, keeps paying us back for giving his brother Faisal Mir, the ticket to contest from Lahore.”

Sherry offers, “I am setting up a ‘special forces committee’ to launch relentless attacks on Imran. It has Hamid Mir, Marvi Sirmed, Shehzad Khanzada (Geo News’ program “Aaj Shahzeb Khanzada kay Sath”), Mansoor Ali Khan (Express News) and Mehr Bukhari (NewsEye). We have to raise the volume… What we have earned is because we know how to earn it… Shortchanging the country is our job!”

The World has to be White Again

Fred Fraudem, founder and chairman of the Second Amendment Foundation and Seth Sectanda, senior vice president for public affairs at the American Evangelical Glory Institute, are meeting at their favorite watering-hole, The Evangelist Spirits on V Street in Washington, D.C., where they only tune to FoxTV.

Little did Seth’s Serbian father, looking for an“American” name know that the Latin word Sectanda means dishonest. However, the family name did perfectly fit his son, as it did his father.

The father and son devote their time to selling Golden Age Kits for the coming millennium promised in their Evangelical faith, where Christ returns to reign on Earth. However, they believe that before he will return, there will be a tribulation where he defeats evil. There will be natural disasters and wars, and perhaps an Antichrist, as the book of Revelations notes. Then at the end of that period, the people of the Mosaic covenant, including the Jews, will convert. Then after their conversion, the great millennium starts. So for this grad event, suitably branded as, “Make Christianity Supreme Again,” the kit includes welcome Jesus banners; Jesus and his Disciples’ inflatables; Catholics could order Paul too; and an extender staff, fit for the Shepherd.

Sectanda, taking his eyes off the big screen television, moans, “Fred, don’t we have enough of AOC [Rep. Alexandria Orcasio-Cortez] and this Ill…something [Rep. Ilhan Omar], that the world has this leftist [New Zealand prime minister] Jacinda Ardern.”

Fraudem quickly adds, “Seth, this is all but to show our #45 [President Trump] in a bad way… the only president sent by God.

“Say, this Brenton Tarrant being called names for blowing up a fewMuslims, is just 28-years old, but he has more smarts than of these ‘heroic’ Congress members of ours.

“This guy beautifully understood that Trump is ‘a symbol of renewed white identity and common purpose.’”

Sectanda, nearly smashing his glass on the counter, states, “Fred did you see that… this silly Arden hugging Muslims… Oh God, hopefully, other politicians won’t start imitating her. I tell you, she is making things worse than anyone can imagine. She has said that the her government will help cover funeral costs — as well as provide financial support for up to years for those who will now suffer a loss of income due to the death of the wage-earners…

“And she is banning guns! God have mercy. Trump should warn her right now that this could lead to sanctions.”

Fraudem quickly adds, “Seth, not just that but she is giving benefits without questioning their immigration status. How dumb can you get!

“We all know that immigration and multiculturalism are decaying our culture, the way of our white, European, Western world.

“Doesn’t this Arden remember that it was our great white folks who cleared great lands like America, like Canada, like Australia, like New Zealand… and they almost got South Africa… cleared the chaff so whiteness could prevail.”

Sectanda furthers his contention, “Fred, no Sir, the real whiteness is not dying. Remember November last year, when the voters of Alabama overwhelmingly confirmed that they remain a Christian conservative state.”

Fraudem, nodding his appreciation, adds, “You are right Seth. People are killing true whiteness. They have forgotten that Mathew said for ‘they shall inherit the earth’ (Bible 5:5)… he meant whites [of course, editing the verse more than a trifle].

“This Australian senator Fraser Anning is so right. We need a few more like him in public offices in America. He is spot on that the real cause of bloodshed on New Zealand streets today is the immigration program which allowed Muslim fanatics to migrate to New Zealand in the first place.”

Sectanda, glowing with mutual appreciation, said, “Fred, this Anning said more, like Islam is not like any other faith. It is the religious equivalent of fascism. And just because the followers of this savage belief were not the killers in this instance, does not make them blameless.

“Of course, what does he get? I heard that more than one million signatories have demanded that Anning be removed from parliament. They are saying that he does not represent Australians. Even their Prime Minister [Scott Morrison] expressed his repulsion for Anning.

“Aren’t we lucky that our President doesn’t go around saying such silly things. He would never scold anyone… any lawmaker for telling the truth that Muslims are working to enforce Sharia law and looking to infiltrate Congress.

“Arden is a real nut. Trump calls her and asks what the United States could provide. And would you believe it, she says, ‘Sympathy and love for all Muslim communities.’

“These guys have recognized the wrong enemy. It is not Anning. It is crazies like Arden. “Let us raises our glasses for our President Trump, the true symbol of renewed white identity. He is committed to whiteness.

“We need to remind people that Jesus was born in Bethlehem…”

Fraudem quickly asks, “O wow! Right here in Pennsylvania! Sure, he is more American than apple pie. You are right, if you want Jesus to return, the world has to be white again.”

Those who render Public Service have the Right Scoop out as much as it Seems Satisfying to them

Following the banking court’s permission to the National Accountability Bureau (NAB) to transfer the fake bank accounts and mega money laundering case from Karachi to Islamabad for trial, Asif Ali Zardari, a former president of Pakistan, and chairman of the Pakistan Peoples Party (PPP) has arranged a meet the press at Bilawal House, Karachi.

The banking court, also withdrew the interim bails granted to Zardari and his sister Faryal Talpur. The court has also cancelled the bail bonds of the suspects. Hussain Lawai, former chairman of Pakistan Stock Exchange, and Abdul Ghani Majeed, son of chairman, Omni Group Anwer Majeed are already under NAB’s custody over their alleged involvement in the case.

NAB chairman Justice (retd.) Javed Iqbal, pleading for the transfer, had stated that the Supreme Court has ordered NAB to investigate the case, which necessitates its transfer to a NAB court in Islamabad.

It stings because Sindh is PPP domain where nothing can move against the rulers.

The invited media troop includes Marvi Sirmed, special correspondent of the Daily Times, Shehzad Khanzada, anchor of Geo News’ program “Aaj Shahzeb Khanzada kay Sath,” Mansoor Ali Khan of Express News and Mehr Bukhari of NewsEye.

Also present is Zardari’s counsel Farooq H. Naek.

Walking toward the drawing room, the family’s crown prince, Bilawal, was overheard assuring his sisters, Bakhtawar and Assefa, “Don’t worry about these arrest warrants. Our dad is far better that Uncle Shehbaz [Sharif] in faking illnesses, not just opening accounts in the names of poor people…”

As usual, Zardari has a few ashtrays piled high with cigarette butts in various stages of their abandonment. The wine service is there for the takers.

Zardari thanks the guests, and states, “Thank you for coming. Honestly, you are only of the few who know that I am the best. I won’t say more, but you are seeing the mess that Imran Khan is making. They had the Indian pilot and sent him back with fanfare but without negotiating for anything. Donald Trump thinks of himself as the king of the deal, but he has not dealt with Asif Ali Zardari. If not much, I would have at least made [Indian prime minister] Modi to open export of Indian tomatoes and onions to Pakistan through the Zardari Group.

“Any now what to say about the prime minister select. Tell me what is corrupt practices and corruption in making the poor happy by opening accounts in their names. The charges do not include deceiving the public either.

“You heard what Bilawal said, as I told him to say so, to label NAB as the ‘bureau of political engineering’.

“Where is the 18th Amendment where provinces are free. A few ago days, NAB arrested the speaker of our Sindh Assembly… it is highly condemnable.

“Next they will try to grab Faryal and me…

“In our Charter of Democracy signed by [former prime minister] Benazir and Nawaz Sharif, it was agreed that NAB would be done away with.”

”Bilawal quickly glances towards his father, and getting permission talk, declares, “They are trying to jail my father and aunt. We are a very religious family. My mother always prostrated on the Turbah (made from clay from Karbala in Iraq). We celebrate Muharram with all the pomp and splendor. And also the Ashura thing. And Imran Khan is moving against my father and aunt.”

Of course, no one dare correct the prince that up next is May, coinciding with Ramadan, and Muharram starts on August 31.

Zardari rejoins the conversation, “This Brigadier Asad Munir’s suicide is an opportunity for us to kill the NAB and the accountability craze of Imran Khan. Here you, the journalists have to support us and show that Asad Munir was martyred at the hands of the NAB, and its next victims are the Zardari family.

“But let me caution you never mention that Asad Munir was called by NAB only once; or that the case started in 2016. We have to show that NAB is a harasser, a puppet on Imran Khan’s strings.

“Of course, I am not Nawaz Sharif to take you to hajj with me every year, but I will ensure that we will get a proper aircraft for the head of state which has accommodation for all of our friends.

“I am not being unreasonable but those who render public service have the right scoop out as much as it seems satisfying to them.”

Don’t call us Zardaris to associate us with Corruption

The distraught prince is sulking. Bilawal, lord of many a manor, has locked himself up with his sisters in sister Bakhtawar’s closet to discuss the disasters he has experienced during these last few days.

The prince, who through his media office, has instructed that he should only be spelt as Bilawal Bhutto-Zardari, bangs his head of the closet’s mirror a few times and moans, “I just don’t know who advised our dad [Asif Ali Zardari] to let Aunt Sherry [senator Rehman] to write my national assembly speech and my press conference statement?”

His youngest sister, Aseefa, retorts, “Bill what’s wrong with that… wasn’t Aunt Sherry our ambassador in Washington, D.C.?”

Bakhtawar comes to the support of her younger sibling, offers, “But Bill, Aunt Sherry told dad that she had consulted Uncle [Hussain] Haqqani [former Pakistani ambassador to the U.S.]. He is always speaking and writing against Pakistan, especially its military. She said that he told her that with the UN Security Council discussing the issue of proscribed organizations, you should only be speaking all what the U.S., Britain, and France support.”

An exasperated Bilawal blurts, “Oh no, I am not blaming dad for anything. How can I even dream of blaming him for anything? Yes, our mother has left assets for us but these are tied with her oil business with Uncle Rehman [Malik]. You know how difficult it is dealing him?

“But dad’s assets are all in our names, and they are growing although we now only have Sindh [government] under our control.”

Aseefa questions her brother again, “But Bill you were in Washington, and Uncle [former PPP senator Ghulam Akbar] Khawaja was taking you around to congress members and senators!”

The prince angrily asks, “So! Yes. All of them told me that I was the statesman of the century and I would just ban anything they wanted, like JeM (Jaish-e Mohammad). I was not visiting Beijing to know what the Chinese would do… veto all that I was calling for?

“And I only did what we all have to do to assure our inheritance. In the national assembly, I just read what Aunt Sherry had emailed me because that is what dad wanted. What could I do if this joke of a finance minister [Asad Umar] cut me to pieces that I spoke in English only to earn accolades from the Americans, the Indians, the British, and the French. This guy has no sense of shame, when his son is my age, he scolded me on the floor of the house!”

Bakhtawar hugs her brother, and adds, “I know Bill… he is another nincompoop like his boss, Imran Khan… I don’t know how our Mom socialized with this Imran at Oxford. He must’ve stunk even then. Imagine this Asad thing called you ‘Bilawal Zardari.’”

Bilawal quickly hugs back his sister and offers, “You know how Imran Khan and his people keep working to tie my name to this Zardari part.

“They know that Sindh is ours and they can’t do anything to us in Sindh, so they have transferred the fake accounts case to Rawalpindi from Karachi. Yes, the FIA is investigating 32 people in this money laundering from fictitious accounts thing, not just dad and our aunt [Faryal Talpur]. But they keep thumping Zardari and tie my name to this Zardari bit without allowing the Bhutto pause in between.”

Aseefa quickly adds, “I don’t know why dad sent Uncle [former chief minister Sindh] Qaim Ali Shah with you to the press conference. He could have sent some attractive one like Sharmila [Farooqi, former advisor to Sindh chief minister]…”

Bakhtawar mumbles, “Uh and again you had to read all the Romanized Urdu notes that dad got done by Aunt Sherry and forwarded to you.”

Bilawal steadies himself a bit and states, “At least, Uncle Farhatullah [Babar, PPP general secretary] gave good advice that we increase pressure on Imran Khan by mentioning the ‘banned organizations’ bit everywhere because the Financial Action Task Force review looms ahead, asking the measures Pakistan is taking to counter money laundering and terror financing.

“I am sure that he must’ve told dad to add the bit about three of Imran’s ministers of having a record and history when it comes to banned organizations.

“Also, I am positive that he must’ve asked dad to get the mention of pressing for the implementation of the National Action Plan [adopted in 2015].”

They hear the dinner bell ringing and Aseefa quickly adds, “You know no one remembers that grandpa [Zulfikar Ali] Bhutto had a central role in dismembering Pakistan, but this Zardari and corruption mention is unrelenting. Whatever, Bill but we should sue Imran Khan and his government so they don’t call us Zardaris to associate us with corruption.”

Keep Strong. We Even Know how to Sell our Mothers. We will prevail

Maryam Nawaz Sharif, now less frequently known as Maryam Safdar, is visiting Bilawal House in Clifton, Karachi, to personally thank People Party of Pakistan’s co-chairmen, Bilawal and his father, the former president of Pakistan, Asif Ali Zardari, for Bilawal’s visit with her father, Nawaz Sharif, in Kot Lakhpat jail.

Disregarding her father’s instructions, she did not take with her his desired gift, a bucket of lassi made with milk drawn from his favorite buffaloes at his Jati Umra residence near Lahore.

Asif Zardari, after exchanging niceties, states, “Indeed, our Bilawal is a very obedient child. I told him and he visited with my brother, Nawaz. I hope that he comes out soon. Indeed, he is playing his cards very well by refusing to get medically treated.

“Yes, we are one. Our great martyr, Benazir and your father signed the historic Charter of Democracy… of course, you may remember that eleven years ago, I told the BBC that our agreements with the Pakistan Muslim League-Nawaz (PML-N) ‘are not holy like the holy Quran and the Hadith’ and can be modified if circumstances change.

“Even Imran Khan agrees that great leaders take U-turns.

“Maryam, you know we are like one body. We are the front foot, and you are the back foot. Imran Khan will understand this cricket thing, but he is being a unfair and bowling bouncers when he shouldn’t. The rule is that a bowler is allowed to bowl two bouncers in an over, in Tests and ODI and one in T20I in an over. That means if one bowls more than allowed bouncers in an over, it will be called a no ball.

“Imran is delivering no-balls. And we need to keep him in check.”

Maryam thanks him and turning toward Bilawal adds, “We both are orphaned. Both of us have lost our mothers, we understand the pain.

“If we had any seats in the Sindh assembly, we would have sat with you in the government benches and not on the opposition side.”

Zardari continues, “Maryam, remember my golden rule: Political parties do not make promises, they only arrive at understandings.  But don’t get me wrong. We are together forever. Imran Khan is not ready for any understanding, so we are solidly with you… at least till he mends his ways.”

Maryam offers, “Indeed, my brother, you a lucky person that you have obedient children. God is Great. Both of my brothers are also very obedient. My father has told them that they have to stay in London and take care of the property and they will not budge come what may.

“In fact, I also want to thank you for standing rock sold and forcing Imran Khan to accept my Uncle Shehbaz [Sharif, leader of the opposition in the national assembly] as chairman of the public accounts committee.”

Zardari, swiftly places his palm on his chest, quickly adds, “No, Maryam, no need to thank me. Your uncle is rendering great service for the Houses of Sharif and Zardari. Can you imagine, if we had not worked together on this and let Imran Khan install his own man. We can’t let any Tom, Dick or Harry to peer into our accounts.”

Maryam continues, “There is no doubt about what you have said. We are watching with admiration the way that you are refusing the opposition parties’ demand for the Sindh Assembly Public Accounts Committee (PAC) chairmanship. No… never.  Imran Khan’s representative cannot be allowed to examine your accounts.”

Bilawal signals for permission and adds, “My father is the Father of the 18th Amendment. We will sacrifice our lives like my grandfather, our Immortal Zulfikar Ali Bhutto and mother, for its defense. Sindh is ours forever!”

Zardari continues, “I admire your father and your uncle Shehbaz. I know that your father used to play cricket and has played with Imran too, but what about your uncle… was he a child actor like me? Really, he put up an excellent show about his illness during the time he was jailed. Great performance!

“Maryam we should continue to work together. In fact, I thank your [former defense minister] Khawaja Asif for saying that age is on the side of my Bilawal… the soon to be prime minister…”

Maryam nearly whispering, quietly blurts out, “Really! That is my birthright…”

Zardari continues, “Today, someone forwarded to me a news report from France that a united front of chicken was able to kill a fox that had tried to sneak into their coop. There was a herd instinct and they attacked him with their beaks.

“Yes, we are that frenzied herd in attacking Imran Khan, and our herd is strengthened by our loyal media.

“I tell you this is no excuse that Imran Khan has to wait for the court ruling to let my brother Nawaz go free. Why doesn’t Imran Khan task his old friend [PML-N senator] Mushahid Hussain Syed to physically fix the judges… he is an expert.

“Maryam, we have to restore bipartisanship… we and your party. Keep strong. We even know how to sell our mothers. We will prevail.”

When I, Bilawal Bhutto Zardari, will Become Prime Minister, the Courts will be at My Command

A red carpet was laid from the entrance of Kot Lakhpat Jail to the holding cell of the three times prime minister of Pakistan, Mian Nawaz Sharif, because Qamaruz Zaman Qaira, president of Pakistan Peoples Party (PPP) Punjab branch, insisted that Bilawal Bhutto Zardari was not used to walking on bare surfaces.

Sharif receives the visitor in his specially appointed cell, where at Qaira’s insistence, portraits of both Bilawal’s maternal grandfather and the mother, as well the two parties’ flags had been placed.

Sharif hugs him tightly, and states, “My dear boy, I am really grateful to my dear brother, our former president of Pakistan, the honorable Asif Zaradri for directing you to visit me.

“Indeed, the last time you visited me was at my humble abode in Jati Umra, which was a sad occasion, to condole for the nation’s most beautiful first lady, Kalsoom. If it were a happy occasion, I would have taken you to my personal zoo. I have many loins there, and all the children are very happy to see my loins… you too would have enjoyed looking at them!

“And I have many kind of monkeys too. When [Indian prime minister Narendra] Modi visited me, I took him to meet my monkeys. He was really impressed. After doing a lot of worship to them, he said my dear brother Nawaz, you are showing true respect to our Lord Hunumanji.”

Sharif, who cannot stop extolling his love for his visitor’s family, declares, “I was always inspired by both your grandfathers of sainted memory, Hakim Ali Zardari, and indeed the Immortal Marytr Zulfikar Ali Bhutto … they said, always sit in the handkerchief pocket of a general… both did! First our Great Bhutto secured the love and confidence of President General Iskander Mirza… I am told that Lady Naheed Mirza and your illustrious grandmother, the Mother of the Pakistani Nation, Nusrat Bhutto have the same Ispahani roots. What great tea… Ispahani Tea… I always insist on Ispahani Tea… our heritage tea. Then our Immortal Martyr climbed into Field Marshal Mohmmad Ayub Khan’s pocket and from there into the heart of General Agha Yahya Khan… I only like lassi, but I hear that your Immortal grandfather and Yahya loved the same brand of whisky.

“Considering this heritage, I hopped into General Ziaul Haq’s shirt-pocket. This warmth continues to pay off till today.

“You know that General Zia asked me how to execute our Immortal Mr. Bhutto. He, being a military man, wanted to put him in front of a firing squad. But I told him that he should be kind and give a lot of Black Label scotch whisky to Mr. Bhutto so he doesn’t feel the rope around his neck. The general immediately agreed. I have always had great admiration for the Bhutto family.

“What a great man was your great grandfather, Sir Shahnawaz Bhutto! How brilliantly, he arranged the transfer of Junagadh to India. He silenced Nawab Mahabat Khanji, otherwise his wish to join Pakistan would have created a perpetual Kashmir like problem.”

Finally Bilawal finds a pause and presents a Sindhi cap to Nawaz, saying, “My respected Uncle Nawaz, this is a gift from the co-chairman of our party, president Asif Zardari.”

Sharif quickly rises and hugs his visitor again. He is teary eyed and states, “My dear child, what a great speech you made in the assembly… [he guffaws] not only Imran Khan but also his entire party is jumping like scary mice.

“So dear child… in fact, my dear innocent child. Even [now retired chief justice] Saqib Nisar declared you innocent. Yes, my brother Shehbaz told me that Saqib said that besides Popes Innocent One to Thirteen, you are the truly innocent boy! God bless you.

“So my dear child, who wrote this great speech? Hussain Haqqani?”

Bilawal states, “No, my dear Uncle Nawaz, this was written by our Senator Sherry Rehman, who you know never misses anything written by this great intellectual.”

Nawaz raises his fist in the air, as his glass of lassi is brought for him and a Coke for his visitor, and continues, “You see all this propaganda that Imran is doing day and night, getting his pictures taken giving Sehat Insaf cards. So I am asking where is this card for Mian Mohaammad Nawaz Sharif, the three times prime minister of Pakistan, the real hero of Pakistan’s atom bomb?”

Bilawal, nodding his sympathy, offers, “My dear Uncle Nawaz, you are watching television, and you see how our party leaders in the parliament, the Senate, and the media and the Twitter, are stressing that you deserve the highest quality of health care that is only available in England.”

Nawaz quickly adds, “Yes, I know. Indeed I admire the strong message given by [PPP leader] Khursheed Shah that if anything happened to me, it would be considered a murder and Imran Khan would be responsible for it.”

Qaira signals that jail visit time is ending, and Bilawal assures, “My dear Uncle Nawaz, my party stands with you in your struggle to get treated only in England.

“Indeed, none of my family, nor any of our party leaders and their families will ever agree to go to a government or a Pakistani hospital because in contravention of the 18th amendment, the court has placed big hospitals in Sindh under federal government control. Of course, there no blonde nurses in this country!

“You know, Uncle Nawaz, Imran Khan Niazi is just making excuses that you can’t be sent to London without court approval. When I, Bilawal Bhutto Zardari, will become prime minister, the courts will be at my command!”

Real Leaders Like the Bhuttos, Zardaris and Sharifs Deserve Only the Best of British Care

Hamid Mir of Geo News has invited Marvi Sirmed, special correspondent of the Daily Times, Shehzad Khanzada, anchor of Geo News’ program “Aaj Shahzeb Khanzada kay Sath,” Mansoor Ali Khan of Express News and Mehr Bukhari of NewsEye, to discuss the Pakistani situation as clouds of war still hover above.

Before Hamid, the host of the program, could even utter a word, Sirmed jumps in screaming, “I condemn [finance minister] Asad Umer. It is despicable to call Bilawal by his father’s name. Imran Khan should impart a little training to his people. Imagine calling someone by his father’s name.”

Mir, finally finding space, offers the program’s agenda, “Today, we will be discussing the callous attitude being adopted by Imran Khan and his protégés toward the three times former prime minister, Mian Nawaz Sharif, and the dynamic statesman of our country, Bilawal Bhutto Zardari, chairman of the Pakistan Peoples Party.

“I draw your attention to the appeal to us, the media people, made my our former president Asif Ali Zardari, early last month, that if we support him in toppling the Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaf government, in return he would help us overcome the media industry’s problems.”

Khanzada quickly adds, “Yes, these sacred words are etched in my heart and soul. Let us also recall that on the same day, the great statesman of Pakistan, the PPP chairman Bilawal Bhutto Zardari asked for our help in the war against the judiciary in exchange for their support to our struggle for freedom of expression against Imran Khan’s set up.”

Sirmed offers, “This horrendous campaign against Bilawal BHUTTO Zardari is a deliberate psychological torture of the true heir of Zulfikar Ali Bhutto and Benazir Bhutto. They are forcing upon him the Zardari name, when they know that Zardari is a father that he can’t own.”

Bukhari adds, “We can always trust Asif Zardari, he always repays for loyalty.”

Sirmed thunders, “And Asif Zardari has the mettle of a true leader. You all may recall that in 2013, some people declaring that they were Benazir Bhutto loyalists launched an attempt to wrest control of her party from Asif. He made them history.

“Imran is despicable and Asad Umar is a horror. Hamid, it is your show, so I can’t say a few appropriate words for them. Don’t they know that Benazir never called herself a Zardari… always the Bhutto that she was.”

Mir confides, “I have asked a few specialists that due to the trauma caused by being called a Zardari, our Bilawal Bhutto Zardari is suffering from a illness called
extrema motus colitis, which they roughly translated as extreme emotional colitis, and known among professional circles as EMC.”

Sirmed snaps, “Hamid, is that bad. I should say that Bilawal Bhutto Zardari, in his capacity of being chair of parliamentary human rights committee should summon both Imran and Asad for violating his human rights by calling him a Zardari, when the world knows that when you mention the name Zardari, the word corruption immediately comes to mind.”

Mir continues, “Marvi you are right. The doctors tell me that Bilawal Bhutto Zardari’s EMC is quite high and they recommend that he should be airlifted to the Broadmoor Hospital, which is a high-security British psychiatric hospital.”

Khanzada intervenes, “Indeed Bilawal Bhutto is a seasoned statesman. Did you see his perfect English? Marvi is doing a fantastic job on Twitter thrashing the Imran Khan team.

“Besides this ill-advised problem created by this government, we also have the suffering being faced by our three times prime minister, Nawaz Sharif.

“I know all the meaningless things being said about him, but he knows what is 5-star service.”

Bukhari quickly adds, “This government is not showing any concern that this man is dying. They must realize Nawaz Sharif was hoping that bail would be granted by the Supreme Court, and he would see his doctors in London who have his complete medical history.”

Mir continues, “Imran is playing politics with Nawaz Sharif’s health. First he was taken from hospital to hospital, now he has been provided with immediate resuscitation and life saving unit, which is present at the jail twenty-four hours.

“You know when Nawaz Sharif was prime minister, he took me along on one of his overseas trips, and on board he told me that his life mission was building bus lines and train lines and not hospitals or schools in the country. So who knows better than him that there are no hospitals that can treat him in Pakistan.

“I have been told by doctors that a person like Nawaz Sharif who has been prime minister three times and started as Punjab finance minister and then was chief minister two times, and had open access to accumulating the benefits of power, so he is suffering from a disease called extremae egestatis syndrome. The doctors translated it as extreme deprivation syndrome, which also called EES. In fact, it may be purely coincidence, but the doctors recommended that Mian Nawaz Sharif should also be immediately airlifted to the Broadmoor Hospital, which, I just mentioned is a high-security British psychiatric hospital.”

As the producer signals that the program is concluding, Sirmed chimes, “Hamid, may you be rewarded for showing so much concern for the health of our real leaders. Real leaders like the Bhuttos, Zardaris and Sharifs deserve only the best of British care.”