Pakistani Treasury is Ours to Love and Spend

Nawaz Sharif, the three times former prime minister of Pakistan, and now a convict on bail receiving medical treatment in London, and former president Asif Zardari, who is also on a health-based bail, and their teams are meeting on video link to strategize over obtaining health-based bails for themselves and their party members.

Sharif’s brother, former Punjab chief minister Shehbaz Sharif, and former finance minister and his younger daughter’s father-in-law, Ishaq Dar in London, assist Nawaz. Also present are visiting former minister for planning development and reform Ahsan Iqbal, former information minister Maryam Aurangzeb and former defense minister, Khawaja Asif.

In Karachi, former ambassador Sherry Rehman, spokesperson Farhatullah Babar, former Punjab governor and counsel Khalif Latif Khosa, and senator Raza Rabbani are assisting Zardari.

Nawaz Sharif starts the conversation, “My dear brother Asif you are certainly and immensely wonderful. It is for no reason that Majid Nizami (editor of Nawai-Waqt) called you a Murd-e Hur (Fearless Man).

“Yes, you were in hospital, but did you see how Imran Khan was hinting that it will be investigated whether the sight of plane improved my health condition or the London environment…”

Zardari interjects, “Never mind what Imran says. You are the hero who got bails without signing even penny’s worth of bond…”

Nawaz continues, “No my brother Asif, you are the greater tactician. It was inspiring to see you being wheeled out of the Pakistan Institute of Medical Sciences hospital in Islamabad. [And adds while guffawing] Now let see what Imran has to say about this.

“My dear brother, it is time… I would say high time that we train all our parties’ leadership about getting free on bail.

“Absolutely, my dear brother, Asif, you will be chief instructor at our academy.

“Oh, my dear brother, what should we call our academy?”

Sherry Rehman, takes permission from her ultimate leader, Zardari, and responds, “Most respected prime minister, your proposal for starting an academy is excellent, even if crazies like Imran Khan emerge in decades and start railing against politicians making money. I would suggest calling it, Academy for Freedom from Restraints Against Corruption.”

Nawaz Sharif raises his fists and declares, “My dear brother Asif, our sister Sherry is a genius! Gems surround you. Prosperous leaders mean a prosperous Pakistan.

“I would say that let us start now! You can instruct your [former petroleum minister] Dr. Asim Hussain to let us use his Ziauddin Hospitals for the hands on sessions like looking seriously ill, like handling crutches as if one is dying and other convincing actions.

“You know that I am not coming back till Imran Khan is there. My brilliant physician Adnan Khan did a marvelous job with the platelets reports, and he is going further ahead to give authenticity to my going to America … to the Massachusetts General Hospital for treatment of blocked carotid artery. He will be sending a report to the Lahore High Court … may God bless justice Ali Baqir Najafi… yes, he even granted to bail to [daughter] Maryam… that endarterectomy or carotid angioplasty can only be done at the Massachusetts General… and Najafi, our good man, will say fine!”

Zardari adds, “Yes my dear Nawaz, I too need to go to France and America to take a look at my properties. You know even the most trusted servants need supervision.”

Nawaz adds, “Indeed, you are right. I know… I know. Even though, Hasaan and Hussain are my sons, but I come and look at our London properties…”

Dar quickly supplements, “You are right. Looking at your properties revives you.”

Zardari continues, “So it is a done deal, you can select the first batch of trainees and they can join our batch to begin the training…”

Nawaz offers, “Splendid. Thank you for agreeing to my proposal. I am thinking that after America, I will get Dr. Adnan Khan to announce an illness that can only be treated in Geneva… you know one needs to personally check the bank accounts too.”

Zardar offers, “Perfect, my dear brother. I am thinking of starting from France. Dr. Asim Hussain can prescribe my being in an ICU in my 16th century Chateaux de la Reine Blanche, which you know is in the hamlet of Mesnil-Lieubray, near the city of Rouen in Normandy, northern France.”

Nawaz quickly adds, “In fact, because Imran is pursuing cases against us, all our treatment should be at government of Pakistan’s expense. Yes… I am right…”

Zaradri joins Nawaz Sharif in chorus, “Pakistani treasury is ours to love and spend.”

a remembrance

 

the moment

shall dwell

within,

indelible

that,

jinnah sahib,

as i stood

beside

your place of rest,

tears

emanated,

not just of thankfulness,

but

also of

remorse

that

we

failed

to treasure the gift

that you

bestowed upon us.

 

unthinking,

we

gnawed

at its innards,

we rent it asunder.

 

we besmirched your canvas.

 

perhaps now

that a

genocide unfolds

in the vicinity,

we may

comprehend

your desire,

when you said

that

suffice was a

pakistan

even if it was just the size of a handkerchief,

because you sought

a perch

from where

iqbal’s eagle

could soar

to

heights of glory,

to

heights of fulfillment.

 

this scribe,

supplicates,

that

we may

awaken

and

give sheen

to the gift

that you gave us.

 

  • omer bin abdullah
  • december 15, 2019
  • herndon, virginia

Sindh will remain our Personal Treasury Forever

Upon seeing the news report that the federal law minister, Farogh Naseem has hinted on the federation’s intent to invoke Article 149 (4) to administer Karachi, former president Asif Ali Zardari has summoned his inner circle to his suite at the elite Pakistan Institute of Medical Sciences’ Cardiac Center in Islamabad, where he has sought medical cover to avoid the rigors of jail.

Present are his son, and party chairperson Bilawal Bhutto Zardari, Senator Sherry Rehman, Sindh Chief Minister Syed Murad Ali Shah, Gen. Farhatullah Babar, Nayyar Bokhari, Syed Khursheed Shah, and Manzoor Wasan.

The thermos flask brought for him, carries his favored beverage.

A nifty sip and deep puffs on his cigarette stir him to action. He trademark smile on, he offers, “This 149 thing is more than ominous. Up till now, we have been standing firm on the 18th Amendment…”

Murad Ali Shah quickly adds, “Indeed, my beloved and respected leader. The 18th is your gem. Yes, we don’t have the center but the 18th keeps the cash flowing. I am duly transferring the proceeds to your offshore vehicles.”

Zardari continues, “Yes, my dear Murad, you keep proving your loyalty to the House of Bhuttos. I know it and it lights up my heart to see the growth. May God bless you.

“But I am really put off by this news. Why did you let [federal minister for maritime affairs] Ali Zaidi’s Karachi cleanup project to proceed? You should have taken the most extreme measures to stop the cleanup. It is a conspiracy against Sindh that others than the loyal servants of our great martyrs, Zulfikar Ali Bhutto and Benazir can carry out projects in our province. It is a conspiracy aimed at snatching our powers under the 18th, the landmark Amendment that I signed as president.

“We should stand firm against anything that may hinder even the slightest cash flow to our personal treasuries.

“I had directed Bilawal to announce that our party will not be part of Maulana Fazal Rehman’s October Islamabad sit in. This was the right move as we can always show the government our good intent as seek ways out of these [National Accountability Bureau] investigations and cases.”

Gen. Babar adds, “My great and beloved leader, your every step is amazing, beyond remarkable. We are just worms that glow in your reflected glory. Your decision to stay away from Fazlur Rehman is most judicious. The absence of diesel permits and his perks are driving him to desperation. He cannot exist outside of the five-star environment…”

Zardari adds, “You mean like he is facing a fish out of water situation. You can judge his status when Imran Khan did not even take notice of his ultimatum that he resigns by August 31. And you know today’s date!”

Gen. Babar and Sherry Rehman, almost signing in unison, inform him that they are trying to find as to who would be governing the city after the enforcement of the Article.

Zardari continues, “You see that I also asked Bilawal to declare that Imran Khan’s committee for cleanness was not constitutional…

“Let me digress here. Murad just ensure that a few more houses next to our Clifton Bilawal House get acquired before Imran Khan launches his raid.”

Sherry Rehman, containing her anger, offers, “What is Imran Khan doing… I tell you he is killing the urge to enter public life… not only unconstitutional but also a violation of our fundamental rights. How can you block the avenues of our income? Who works for free!”

Zardari takes a few sips from the thermos flask and few deep puffs and declares, “It is a war. Yes, we are staying away from Fazlur Rehman’s march, but we will wage a pitched battle for our absolute right to rule Sindh and for our divine right to generate compensation for our public service.

“My dear all, we want the cash flows to continue tomorrow when Bilawal will rule… and Aseefa… and … when like you today, your children will be in their cabinets.

“Sindh will remain our personal treasury forever!”

India Owns the Moon Because we Blessed it with Indian Gaomutra!

Indian prime minister Narendra Modi has summoned a high level meeting after the loss of communications issues with Chandrayaan2, which was to land on the lunar South Pole after taking off from on Satish Dhawan Space Center.

Present are defense minister Rajnath Singh, Indian Space Research Organization (ISRO) chief Dr. K. Sivan, minister of state for health Ashwini Choubey, and minister of state Ayurveda, Yoga & Naturopathy, Unani, Siddha and Homoeopathy Shripad Yesso Naik.

The prime minister has already ordered his favorite beverage gaomutra (cow urine) for those present.

Dr. Sivan starts the conversation, “Shri Pardhan Mantri (honorable prime minister), I most grateful that you hugged me and due to you magnanimity my photo was in every media in India and around the world.

“Honorable Sir, I was not crying that our Vikram Lander did not communicate from the moon, but I shedding tears of joy and fulfillment.

“Shri Pardhan Mantri, while Vikram did not initiate conversation with us, but it has made the moon a sacred place. We found that it is resting on the moon, but its bhakti is silent… a silent puja. It is bakhti because Your Excellency, it has bathed the moon’s surface with your beloved beverage. The invigorating drink from our Gou Mata (mother cow)… the sacred flask of your favorite brand Śrad’dhēya Mutra (sublime urine) was sprayed by Vikram, even though it had lost its voice. The bath of Śrad’dhēya Mutra has blessed the moon and made an integral part of India…yes, just Kashmir is integral part of India.”

The prime minister quickly adds, “Indeed, may Gou Mata bless and may you remain bathed in Śrad’dhēya Mutra…”

Choubey quickly interjects, “May Gou Mata bless Vikram. Indeed, by spraying the moon with Śrad’dhēya Mutra, it has spared the moon of cancer!

“O my beloved Pardhan Mantri, Vikram rightly deserves the Param Vir Chakra (the Wheel of the Ultimate Brave — the highest military award) for this immeasurable service to the moon and to humanity.”

Dr. Sivan offers, “Certainly… certainly… Vikram’s 15-minute final descent were the most terrifying moments, but its did bless the moon with Śrad’dhēya Mutra.”

Modi hugs Dr. Sivan and adds, “So this mission cost just $150 million… is it so because you were exploring the barren dark side of moon? Yes, what about navigating, it so difficult to even walk in the dark.

“You remember how our hero commander [Indian Air Force pilot] Abhinandan could not accomplish everything because of the dense fog in Pakistan that day, except killing one Pakistani F-16, and just like Vikram, his MIG-21 too went silent. I gave him a Vir Chakar.

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier. I know you love India and wanted save the nation’s money, but you should have spent $300 million and aimed for the bright wide of the moon and landed Vikram in style… And I needed that footage for use in my next election campaign… bright and clear photos.”

Dr. Sivan quickly offers, “And our beautiful Vikram also lay besides [Israeli robotic spacecraft] Beresheet…”

Modi exults, “Jai Hind… this true Indian and Israeli love story. I am going to call Netanyahu right now with this news.”

Choubey and Naik speak in one voice, Pardhan Mantri, it is your wisdom that you have made gaomutra your beloved beverage because right now our ministries are building on the initial research that gaomutra is powerful in its own. It is unique and it has a quality to treat various health issues.

“Gaomutra is used in the preparation of several types of medicines. It is used even for the treatment of incurable disease like cancer. The urine of the Indian cow is used.

“O beloved Pardhan Mantri, certainly Vikram must given greater honor than our hero Abhinandan. Vikram has infused the moon surface with gaomutra so no one who visits and will live on the moon will ever have cancer.

‘Our beloved Pardhan Mantri you should announce to world that because it is our sacred Indian gaomutra, the moon belongs to us.

“India owns the moon because we blessed it with Indian gaomutra!”

The True Rulers of Pakistan Own its Wealth

Maryam (don’t call me Safdar) Nawaz Sharif, one of 16 vice presidents of her father’s eponymous faction of the Pakistan Muslim League, and Bilawal (don’t call me Zardari) Bhutto-Zardari, co-chair of Pakistan Peoples Party, and Maulana Fazlur Rehman, head of his eponymous faction of the Jamiat Ulema-i-Islam are meeting at Zardari House in Islamabad to discuss the defeat of the joint opposition’s candidate for Senate chair.

Bilawal is sitting in the center, flanked by Maryam and the Maulana who has quickly ordered a tall glass of lassi for himself. Maryam has ordered coffee, while Bilawal is struggling to decide. He is too overwhelmed by the moment, and quickly rests his head on the Maulana’s shoulder. Even before the Maulana could take the first sip, Bilawal breaks into uncontrollable crying.

Amid sobs, he blurts out, “Come October, I was going to be prime minister… the third Bhutto to be prime minister of Pakistan…”

Maryam quickly cuts in, “Excuse me! Prime minister? Do you still remember that my party has 84 National Assembly seats, and yours is just 55!”

Bilawal, his head still on the Maulana’s shoulder, sobs, “Yes, the third Bhutto… by October, I would have shed this hyphen in my name… this Zardari hyphen.”

Maryam, now seriously perked up, retorts, “I am the vice president of the leading party of the opposition. The office of prime minister is my prerogative…”

Bilawal shoots back, “Never forget that in 1970, Pakistan had 300 national assembly seats and my grandpa, the Sublime Martyr Zulfikar Ali Bhutto despite winning only 81 seats,  first became president and then prime minister…”

Before Bilawal can continue, the Maulana speaks out, “What is this useless talk about prime minister. Ask me… am I crying like both of you. Yes, I am weeping within. Come October, I was dreaming of diesel oil permits. I have been thirsting for these permits since last July… see now I am also tearing up. Hearing all this prime minister talk, I am missing my ministerial residence and perks that I enjoyed for 15 years without ever being a minister.”

Bilawal opens up again, “Maryam, can you stop this posturing, you are just one of 16 vice presidents of your party. And I am the chairman of my party! Come match me!”

Maryam charges, “No! It will not work that way. Even our Maulana will support me because I will give him a book of blank diesel permits to fill out and sell.”

Bilawal changes his stance and rests his head on Maryam’s shoulder who quickly dabs his tears, “Did you all read the military’s tweet condemning our Hasil Bizenjo of mudslinging against them? This is terrible! They don’t even allow us to grieve.

“It is only our right to be installed by others in power. Maryam, like General Ziaul Haq gifted power to your dad, Uncle Nawaz. Like George Bush helped my mother to become prime minister. Why what is wrong with our military… why they didn’t bring me into power?”

Maryam reacts speedily, “You! It was I who is the most deserving. I have more seats than your party.”

Bilawal, while still leaking tears on Maryam’s shoulder, once again reacts angrily, “What are you talking about. I was so sure that with the Senate in our hands, by October, I would be prime minister that I stopped over in London on my way back from Washington, D.C., and asked Anderson & Shepp to measures me for a few suits. They are the personal tailors to Prince Charles. The prime minister has to have class, not like this [Imran Khan] Niazi going around in non-designer shahlwar-qameez.”

Maryam retorts, “So what it has to do with you being prime minister… just because you got yourself measured by Prince Charles’ tailor? And don’t throw names at me. My father, my uncle, my brothers, and cousins, and even my son also go the prince’s tailors and accessories suppliers… Gieves & Hawkes for suiting, John Lobb for shoes and Budd and Turnbull & Asser for shirts. So…”

The visibly irritated Maulana speaks out, “We came here to plot the next move and both of you are fighting like children about who will be the prime minister. In fact, I am the most qualified person to hold that office. You know that way back in 2007, I had invited the American ambassador to dinner and offered her my services as prime minister of Pakistan… You remember Anne Patterson… I have waited twelve years and the first step toward that dream went out with the Senate setback.

“But you know, instead of concentrating on being prime minister, your first focus should be to get your fathers out of jail.

“I tell you that I will be a just distributor. Both of you will get your fill, but the diesel import and distribution will be mine. Instead of waiting and asking for diesel permits, I will set up a National Diesel Authority where the chairman’s qualifications will be that he is from my progeny. So after me, it will be my son, Asad [Mehmood, member of the National Assembly].

“So instead of fighting among yourselves, you just focus on freeing your fathers. Yes, my Senate move failed but see how both of your stood besides me. So stand besides me and I guarantee you that your assets will keep growing and I will be the best prime minister. I too share the same belief like you and your fathers. We need to set the record straight. We can’t let this Niazi distort it.

“The true rulers of Pakistan own its wealth.”

Bilawal Bhutto-Zardari and Maryam Nawaz Sharif are at War with Pakistan

Maryam (don’t call me Safdar Awan) Nawaz Sharif has been panic-stricken since she was told that prime minister Imran Khan, addressing Pakistani Americans in Washington. D.C. on July 21, 2109, said that he will order the withdrawal of luxuries like TV sets and air conditioners being enjoyed in jail by former prime minister and convict Nawaz Sharif and under trial detainee and former president Asif Ali Zardari.

The court had already rejected Nawaz Sharif’s appeal for having home-cooked food. In fact, detained Pakistan Muslim League-Nawaz leader Sanaullah too lost a similar appeal.

She hurriedly calls Bilawal (don’t call me Zardari) Bhutto-Zardari, and asks, “Did you hear what I heard? This selected prime minister is going to put our fathers through more hardships…”

Bilawal, interrupts, and adds, “My beloved sister, our fathers are made of forged steal, come what may they will not cough out a penny. We deserve all what our fathers, mothers and grandparents have collected as a just reward for doing public service.”

Maryam continues, “Yes, ever since the Supreme Court rejected my father’s appeal for getting treatment in London, he has stopped getting heart attacks…”

Bilawal adds, “Yes, my father has stopped getting dementia, depressive disorder, and post-traumatic stress attacks…”

Maryam interjects, “My dear brother Bilawal, I suspect there is something in the jail food that our fathers are being given…”

Bilawal quickly points out, “My beloved sister Maryam, this is Imran Niazi’s sinister plan to prevent our fathers from filing court petitions on health grounds.”

Maryam continues, “May God protect our illustrious fathers. You saw it all that how this Niazi is hurting Pakistan’s image? Instead of showing the proud colors of our national carrier, our pride, our PIA, he travels by Qatar Airways. And then inconveniences our ambassador by billeting in his house. No shame! The ambassador and his family deserve their privacy.

“Just imagine, our country of 220 million being represented by a selected prime minister and a five-member team. Even for my overseas shopping trips, I used to take more than fifty people.

“Yes, I was so hopeful because I know both of your parents excelled in lobbying in America that you would ensure that this Niazi’s trip fails. What happened? Where were your lobbyists?

“I know that you have the government Sindh, and you could have diverted more funds for our lobbying. Do people need health care, do they need education! After all their destiny is to serve us obediently.”

Bilawal sighs, “I agree. My lobbyists did a poor job. I have been suffering heartburning since I heard Trump’s stupid introduction: ‘It’s my great honor to have the very popular and by the way great athlete, one of the greatest, Prime Minister of Pakistan.’

“Oh, I get all my medications from Dubai. I don’t how many cartons of Gaviscon and Mollydon, and plus, I am getting supplies from London… Tums, Pepcid, Zantac, Pepto-Bismol. Oh, I am just making cocktails but no relief.”

Maryam quickly adds, “Ask me. I can’t recall how many gallons of Milk of Magnesia, I have used so far. And this threat of depriving our fathers of first class facilities in jails is driving me to binge on antidepressants.”

Bilawal adds, “Ask me. I have made a cocktail of Cipramil, Priligy, Prozac, and Oxactin. Yes depressing. Yes nauseating.

“Our crown being worn by a selected prime minister.”

Maryam sighs and adds, “Did you hear about this supreme court judgment that the suspension of a sentence awarded to an election candidate has no impact on his or her disqualification to contest the poll.

“This Niazi is trying to take me out of the election process.”

Bilawal sighs and murmurs, “First the selected prime minister started with his army, then he got NAB [National Accountability Bureau] to rule over us. Now, he has taken over the supreme court.

“Our media was doing such good job of telling the people that this Niazi did not get protocol in America. But now the White House has released this photo that an American military honor cordon welcomed him at the White House…”

Maryam, shaking her head, “You saw it Bilawal. Trump did not trust our dear friend [Indian prime minister] Modi and put himself and his wife Melania at opposite sides, but with Imran, he let Melania stand close to him. I mean come on! A sixty-six year old brainless person standing should to shoulder to your wife. Uff that woman tweets ‘Great to have Prime Minister @ImranKhanPTI of Pakistan at the @WhiteHouse today!’ Does she want to become his wife Number Four?”

“But Bilawal, what happened to our plan that you will remind everyone in Washington DC that first of all he is Taliban Khan, and of course, he is a selected prime minister. What happened to the plan that Trump would be told that Niazi will never compromise on the nuclear issue, while we can barter it for our father’s freedom and our thrones and riches.”

Bilawal continues, “Yes losses are humongous but see what he has done to India. The entire country is wailing. The American State Department said, ‘While Kashmir is a bilateral issue for both parties to discuss, the Trump administration welcomes #Pakistan and #India sitting down and the United States stands ready to assist.’ This is blatant meddling in India’s affairs. Both of us should condemn this. We need India’s support just as India is helping in destabilizing Baluchistan.

“Maryam, you know that my mother and her siblings waged a 11-year war against Pakistan… May grandfather, the real Martyr Bhutto had enough cash stacked outside to keep it going.

“We cannot abandon our fathers. Let us hold a joint press conference and announce the launch of our war against Pakistan… against this selected Niazi… against his army… against his NAB and against his supreme court. We will not pay back even a penny! [Bilawal and Maryam clasp their hands and shout] ‘Bilawal Bhutto-Zardari and Maryam Nawaz Sharif are at war with Pakistan’.”

In Victory, Ours is the Sweet Taste of Gao Mutra

Upon receiving the cable from the Indian embassy in the Netherlands about the International Court of Justice’s ruling on his country’s appeal against the death penalty handed to serving Indian Navy officer Commander Kulbhushan Sudhir Jadhav by a Pakistani Field General Court Martial [military court] for espionage, prime minister Narendra Modi set his spin doctors to work.

Jadhav, a Research and Analysis Wing (RAW) agent operating under the cover name of Hossein Mubarak Patel, was arrested June 16, 2016 in a Pakistani counter-intelligence operation in Balochistan’s Mashkel area for his involvement in espionage and sabotage activities against Pakistan.

India, denying the charges had gone to court.

Before letting loose his spin doctors, Modi held a meeting with some of his cabinet members to fine tune the details. Present were Defense minister Rajnath Singh, Foreign affairs minister Subrahmanyam Jaishankar, Home minister Amit Shah, and Ravi Shankar Prasad who doubles as Law and Communications minister. Also attending remotely was Yogi Adityanath, the chief minister of Uttar Pradesh (UP) and hardline Hindu ideologue.

Jaishankar presents the judgment in brief, “O our wise and magnificent leader, Sri Modi. We prevailed with a 15:1 ruling in our favor.”

A startled Modi asks, “But the court denied his acquittal, denied his return to India. And simply asked Pakistan to consider giving him consular access, which I understand can be rejected under our 2008 bilateral agreement. The court only requested Pakistan to review the death penalty under Pakistani law.”

Rajnat Singh quickly adds, “But our Sublime Leader, the court accepted that Commander Khulbhushan is a Indian national who was carrying out official duties in Baluchistan [like sowing discord and directing terror]. Indeed a true soldier, Your Excellency.”

Communications minister Prasad hurriedly puts his word across, “Your Excellency, our Pakistan cell is working overtime. I am monitoring the social media, and Pakistani liberals are simply falling over each to praise our victory. For instance our valuable asset, Marvi Sirmed has been hyperactive in proclaiming our twist to the saga. We have lawyer Rima Omer and journalist Mehreen Zahra-Malik who can’t tire of shouting down Pakistanis who wont say that India won the case.

The meeting decided that the government would present the court judgment as a great victory over Pakistan. Consequently, Modi and his cabinet went to the Red Fort to present a toast to victory. As agreed, they stood on the fort’s ramparts and toasted, using Modi’s preferred drink, gao mutra (cow urine). Of course, the victory celebration was shown on all Indian TV channels.

Lo and behold, the trend #RaiseAGlassofGaoMutratoKhulbhushan flew like a gust of strong wind engulfing millions of Indians.

Soon long lines started forming near cowsheds for gao mutra. However, within a wink, the excited customers obliged to line up under the burning July sun became restless. The cow herders could not get their animals to excrete quickly enough. Anger arose. And the cow herders resorted to force-feeding water to their animals to generate the much-desired drink, which is their leader’s beverage of choice.

With reports of violence pouring in from across India, Home Minister Amit Shah dashed to the prime minister’s office where those who were in the earlier meeting were brought on line.

Shah, trying to keep his fast beating heart in check, declared, “Praise be to Our Wise Leader, the entire nation is united in celebrating our victory. However, I must report that due to hot weather… and you know the epicenter of all this heat…”

Modi instantly shot, “Pakistan…”

Shah continued, “Yes, Your Excellency, but who else! Your Excellency, on account of their love for you, the entire nation wants to celebrate with your beloved beverage. Of course, our cows who are likewise affected by the heat are not being able to generate that much gao mutra. I would suggest that we immediately ask Pakistan to ship us as many as possible tankers of gao mutra. I would not hesitate to say that we ask that Pakistanis too force feed water to their cows and get the tankers moving our way.”

An angry Yogi Adityanath blurted, “Amit have gone mad? You expect our great Indian nation to drink Pakistani gao mutra… Amit have some shame! Our cows, our mothers, are the only ones capable of producing the pure gao mutra, free of any meat contamination. Who knows that Pakistanis may be feeding beef to their cows! Amit, we are Indians, how can Pakistani cows be our mothers! Now tell me!”

Shah, on the defensive, seeks his chief’s help, “Your Excellency, supplying gao mutra to our entire nation is a matter of strategic importance. My dear friend Yogi Adityanath, is it necessary that we tell our people that we are supplying them Pakistani gao mutra?”

Modi hurriedly puts down the discussion, declaring, “Our sublime duty is to let our people celebrate the right Hindu way and to feel the pride of defeating Pakistan. I want a more than a few terms in office. Amit just go ahead and call [prime minister] Imran Khan or his agriculture minister to get the supplies flowing.

“In victory, ours is the sweet taste of gao mutra.”