Israel Wins When Everyone Else Loses

Izzy Snoutstein, founder and chairman of the Snoustein Pyramids Financials, and president of the Zionists Union, and Alf Lyzardberg, chairman of the American Fund for Israel Expansion, are dinning at the Star of Zion restaurant on Z Street in Washington, D.C.

The topic of discussion is opportunities for Israel in the light of the Trump administration’s decision to impose sanctions on countries that buy Iranian oil.

“Izzy,” declared Lyzardberg, raising his glass of Cabernet Sauvignon from the Golan Heights Winery, “Donald J. Trump is the best thing to happen to Israel besides T.E. Lawrence. I say that we start lobbying to get an exception in the Twenty-Second Amendment to have Trump beyond his second term in 2024.

“This latest grand move to end exemptions from sanctions for countries still buying oil from Iran is the masterstroke for Israel. This is Trump’s thank you gift to the people of Israel and all Jews for reelecting Netanyahu.”

Snoutstein, returning the favor, tinkles his glass, and offers, “Alf, no doubt about it, Trump shines! But much credit is also due to T.E. Lawrence. He is also a hero of Israel. His creation of the Gulf states are humanity’s most valuable gift to Israel.

“Imagine, if these states were not there, would anyone touch Iranian oil! It is this gift of Lawrence that Trump got assurances from Saudi Arabia and UAE that they will increase their production to make for the Iranian losses.

“And Snoutstein Pyramids is going to invest in oil storage ventures. Everyone who has oil reserves is going to win.”

Lyzardberg suggests, “Izzy, I would also invest in the arms market. Trump’s announcement primarily impacts Iranian oil importers including China, India, Japan, South Korea and Turkey. I tell you, India will come begging to buy our beautiful weapons so Trump can look aside when they buy Iranian oil.”

Snoutstein, drumming his refilled glass, stresses, “No way… no way. Not a penny… Iran must starve. I tell you, when Trump orders, if needed both MBS (Saudi crown prince Mohammad Bin Salman) and MBZ (UAE crown prince Mohammad Bin Zaid) will ration oil in their own countries to meet India’s demand for oil.

“When our goal is near, why should we hesitate? Iraq done, Syria done, Libya gone… only Iran remains to be kicked out of existence. Israel rules!

“Alf, I am dedicating all my profits from investments in oil storage to AIPAC. They are going to keep a lid on all waivers. Every American in public life knows only what is good for Israel is good for them. Of course, ask [Rep. Ilhan] Omar.

“I will say that AIPAC should get Trump to do a Juan Guaido with Iran. Just like as he accepts him as president of Venezuela in parallel to Nicolas Maduro, we should recognize Reza Pahlavi, the heir apparent (son of Mohammad Reza Pahlavi) as Iran’s legitimate emperor.”

Lyzardberg, who can’t control his excitement, gives a high five and offers, “Izzy, you have it. I bet, [U.S. National Security Advisor John] Bolton can get it done.

“[Movie producer Steven] Spielberg can get a set prepared and we can have Reza crowning himself emperor of Iran, all the while sitting in Hollywood.

“Izzy, I tell you Americans won’t bat an eye about rising prices because they are coming at a time when they are relatively well positioned to handle them. And God bless, [prince] Harry and Meghan for their coming baby. Murdoch can get his media drumming up the royal baby’s arrival so there is nothing else for Americans to talk about.

“Izzy, I say much more powerful than the baby, will be the Queen dying. Imagine, the entire America glued to TV watching the Queen’s funeral, the entire America expressing its unbelief that a divorcee is becoming the queen alongside Chuck… don’t we call Charles that here.

“Indeed God did get Trump elected to make Israel the greatest forever. The way he closed the Jerusalem case… the Golan Heights issue… the West Bank is being made history… ah Gaza… it’ll be gone sooner than we can imagine.

“America is great again. Israel wins when everyone else loses.”

Has our Corruption Stalled our progress?

Former president  and Pakistan Peoples Party (PPP) co-chair, Asif Ali Zardari has summoned another huddle, inviting Sen. Sherry Rehman, Farhatullah Babar, Sen. Rehman Malik, Nayyar Bokhari and former prime minister Raja Pervez Ashraf.

As usual, Zardari’s desk has several heaping ashtrays and his bottle of whisky.

Zardari takes a few deep puffs, and starts the proceedings, “Can anyone of you suggest a better law team for us? Farooq Naek has gotten me nowhere.

“His biggest failure is that he failed to keep my cases in Sindh. Now they are in Islamabad, where I don’t have that sort of clout…”

Sherry Rehman bows her head submissively and quickly adds, “God forbid, now NAB (National Accountability Bureau) has sought the cancellation of your bail in what-they-call, the mega money laundering and fake bank accounts case…”

Zardri continues, “Yes, Sherry, indeed God forbid. Why did this NAB wake up so late? Now they have discovered that I can tamper the evidence because of the influence I yield. Wow… they never heard, how I disappeared the Swiss case evidence.

“Silly fools are telling the court that I am not cooperating with them in the probe. Do they think that Asif Ali Zardari is an idiot?

“Money and Asif Ali Zardari cannot be parted…”

Raja Pervez Ashraf, popularly known as ‘Raja Rental’ for his role in making money through contracting rental power companies, interrupts, “My beloved and honorable leader, may our Immortal Leader Zulfikar Ali Bhutto always bless you, it is your love and caring that I have made enough at least for a few generations. I am worried for you and all our friends and family, who have benefitted from your largesse, this news that NAB has hired Naeem Bukhari to prosecute cases against the Sharifs is disconcerting to say the least. He is the same Naeem Bukhari who sent Nawaz Sharif to jail.”

Zardari continues, “My dear Raja Pervez don’t worry at all. Asif Zardari knows how to beat the system. NAB gave me its questionnaire and gave me 10 days to submit my response. Did I send anything to them? Will I send them anything? Finally, they will file a case to get the response, and I will keep postponing the case.

“Yes, I will like to rule Pakistan… oh, with all this news about offshore oil, who will not like to rule this country? I will find a will of our Immortal Leader Bhutto and declare that this oil solely belongs to his three grandchildren. The people will love it!

“You see how I have set Bilawal to keep attacking Imran Khan that wants to dismiss the 18th Amendment and that he wants to bring One Unit system. I told him to keep repeating that Imran Khan wants to split the country, which would mean that he wants to equate himself with our Immortal Leader, the martyred Zulfikar Ali Khan who helped kick out East Pakistan from the federation.

“In fact, if the NAB does anything to me, I will declare the independence of Sindh.

“No, this is not all, you see how I have announced that the time has come to send the rulers packing. Our beloved liberals and secularists in the media are doing a fantastic job at constantly attacking Imran Khan. They are doing a great job at demoralizing the people.

“See, my care for the media is paying back… I always share the gifts. The media made money, and I made money with all those government ads.

“Don’t worry! No one can touch Asif Ali Zardari. Yes, I can see the Sharifs lowering their interest in regaining their throne, but don’t my children own the throne originally?

“I will ask, Farooq [Naek] to do at least this much and get all my cases transferred to Lahore High Court… the judges there are such a beauty.

“I tell you that if I did not dislodge the government then the coming generations would not forgive me. If Imran Khan is allowed to stay, the country would suffer and no political party would be able to recover. Imagine, people will start thinking that corruption is bad for them… bad for the country.

“I am doing it… our beloved liberal and secular media is doing it; we are educating the people that corruption does not hinder progress. I mean just look at me… look at you… has our corruption stalled our progress?

Jesus Died for the Sins of Christians, Bhutto Died so that we Could Acquire all we Desire

Sindh High Court’s rejection of Asif Zardari and Faryal Talpur’s pleas against transfer of money laundering case against them to Islamabad, has thrust Bilawal House, Karachi, is in a state of panic. Zardari and his three children are dressed in mourning colors.

The servants brigade at the residence is the target of temper tantrums of not only the four but also the temper tantrums of his sister Faryal Talpur and her family.

Not only that but also the news of Omni Group chief financial officer Arif Khan’s arrest in Dubai in the money-laundering case being investigated by the FIA.

Zardari has summoned his lawyers and party leaders. Present are his lawyers Farooq H. Naek and Lateef Khosa, his children, Bilawal, Bakhtawar and Aseefa, and party stalwarts, national assembly member Khursheed Shah, Maj. Gen. Farhatulah Babar, who was national security minister in Benazir’s cabinet; senator Sherry Rahman, and national assembly member Dr. Nafisa Shah.

Zardari’s stress level can be gauged from the count of overburdened ashtrays and empty bottles of Chivas Regal standing in front of him.

Zardari, turns his face toward his lawyers and booms, “Who gave you law degrees! How are you in practice for such a long time? Why didn’t you file our case with the Lahore High Court? Didn’t you see the soft-gloves treatment meted out in Lahore to Shehbaz Sharif?

“It is like a war out there. You saw that, NAB questioned our [former prime minister Yusuf Raza] Gilani that why he let me have the two bulletproof BMW 760s that UAE had gifted to Pakistan. Crazy! Awful. Man that beautiful man was prime minister of Pakistan! He could have given me the State Bank. Isn’t it the ruler’s prerogative? And what proof… I paid their customs duty through what-they-are calling ‘fake accounts’.

“Whatever, they can’t get a penny from Asif Ali Zardari?

“Yes, his is why they have brought the case to Islamabad. It is attack on the 18th Amendment. The provinces are free to act and they could not have even moved a hair if this case was in Sindh.

“The rejection of my case is damaging. See how NAB (National Accountability Bureau) is advancing toward me very tactfully. Now they have obliged Younas Khudwani to agree to a deal. They nominated him in this case of ours and he offered Rs 600 million. Wow… this man is the real softie.

“They are holding Arif Khan [secretary of Omni Group] and they are after my [foster] brother Owais [Muzzafar alias Tappi, living in Dubai]. Arif is one great guy. A real dealmaker! The way he handled Omni Group’s purchase of 150 apartments in Dubai for mere Rs. 3 billion.

“Thank you God, Nasir Lootah is still safe because without him they can’t get any information about my businesses.

“We have to keep our eyes on Dubai. I am afraid that Shiekh Mohammad [ruler of Dubai] may fall to Imran Khan’s charms; after all he used to take him to the Royal Ascot races [in London].

Aseefa quickly adds, “Dad, why don’t you let Dubai know, if they dare to touch our money or property, we will take it to Switzerland, which is so safe.”

Zardari assures his daughter, “Don’t worry my sweet angel. I have better spots than Switzerland.

“But what worries me is that they are harassing little girls. Ayyan Ali… such a nice and hardworking girl. She never hesitates carrying a few hundred thousands to Dubai. She is being harassed. Farooq [Naek], you are her lawyer. I heard that they are confiscating her apartment in Karachi… It is just Rs 35 million; and they want to auction it.

“Sherry, I am so glad that all our loyal journalists are doing their jobs so well… Mansoor Ali Khan, Marvi Sirmed, Hamid Mir, Nadeem Malik, Asma Shirazi… they are not letting off in attacking Imran Khan.

“But Farooq [Naek] and Lateef [Khosa], you also had other lawyers with you… Hussain Lawai’s lawyer… Anwar Majeed and Abdul Ghani Majeed’s lawyer, Barrister Jamshed Malik. Why so many lawyers lost our case!

“Sherry, we need a fail safe. Remember I told you that you ask Senator Akbar Khawaja [in Washington, D.C.] to get new birth certificates of my children giving only their mother’s name. Now, I find an opening in Italy. I have learnt that because Mussolini is still respected by a number of Italians, his daughter got her children’s name changed to Mussolini. We need that law. We need to get Zardari out from their names.

“I am not egoistical. I know right now Zardari name is not marketable. But never forget like Jesus died for the sins of Christians, Bhutto died so that we could acquire all we desire.”

The Defense of our Wealth is more Sacred than Pakistan

The fake accounts case continues and so does the process of obtaining bails before arrest for former president Asif Ali Zardari and his sister Faryal Talpur.

It does not matter in Sindh where his Pakistan Peoples Party (PPP) holds sway but it may not be so in the other three provinces.

Prime Minister Imran Khan continues his tirade that his government will not let Pakistan Muslim League-Nawaz and PPP leaders off the accountability hook until they give the country’s money back.

The situation has Asif Zardari, who considers himself as the wizard of deal making, examine opportunities as they present themselves.

The news that his political opponents in Sindh, especially the Grand Democratic Alliance, in a private meeting with Imran Khan had suggested changing the name of the government welfare program, which is named for Benazir Bhutto.

His party’s unique sales proposition is the Bhutto name.

Zardari sees an opportunity here, when Imran Khan has casually remarked about considering repositioning the program.

He has summoned his trusted party leaders to his Bilawal House in Karachi.

As usually, Zardari is sitting in front of a few ashtrays piled high with cigarette butts. The bar trolley is in place.

Present are party stalwarts, national assembly member Khursheed Shah, Maj. Gen. Farhatulah Babar, who was national security minister in Benazir’s cabinet; senator Sherry Rahman, and national assembly member Dr. Nafisa Shah.

Zardari takes a few drawn out puffs on his cigarette and starts, “Imran’s hint about the Benazir program has placed an opportunity with us and we should run with it.”

Khurshid adds, “In my opinion, we should keep this controversy flying high. We will make people believe that he is dropping our Queen of Martyrs’ name from the program.

“Our general [Babar] is doing a great job… our Sherry… and not to forget our Sharmila [Faruqi, who served as an advisor to the Chief Minister of Sindh].”

Bilawal seeks permission and announces, “We have to keep insulting this selected prime minister as hard as possible. Like Uncle Babar, doesn’t even call him any sort of prime minister. And Aunt Sharmila, really took it to him by suggesting that why not drop his mother’s name from his cancer hospital.

“Daddy, it is only my right to be prime minister. The Bhutto name is our only vote bait. I know all our uncles in Sindh own all our voters, so even if this puppet prime minister removes Mummy’s name, he can’t make our voters disobey their masters.”

Zardari consoles his son, and adds, “Yes, yes and yes. Thanks God to our beautiful feudal system that keeps giving. Yes, yes, and yes. The right to rule Pakistan only belongs to the Bhuttos. But right now we need to think about a few other issues too.

“Our dear friend, Maulana Fazlur Rehman [chairman of his eponymous faction of the Jamiat Ulema-i-Islam] has been calling… I think, he is on speed dial… that I should send you [Bilawal] to intern with him.”

Bilawal again seeks permission to speak and asks, “Dad, really! What can I learn from that big bearded man? I don’t think that he has much money too. How many houses does he have?”

Sherry Rehman calms Bilawal and adds, “My sweet child, the Maulana comes for cheap. Just a few diesel import permits work with him. The bearded one can be an effective weapon. We can deploy his religious credentials against Imran.

“You know how successfully we have built the myths that if a person comes and supplicates at the resting places of our Immortal Martyrs, his wishes would come true. We can have the Maulana declare that anyone who desecrates the name of our Queen of Martyrs, than their skin would turn orange and hair would go multicolor. People already see Shirin [Mazari, minister of human rights] and her multicolored hair. The Maulana can issue a fatwa verifying to its truth.

“Bilawal my child, you have already learned a lot from your father, but even a brief internship will benefit you.”

Zardari takes a few quick puffs and adds, “Good that all of us are on the same page about the name change campaign. But there are a few more challenges. You know how it has worked, Nawaz has gotten a parole and Shehbaz is free to travel; and Maryam has adopted the silent mode. I heard that his sons have put their Avenfield property on the market. I will tend to agree with (former senator and minister) Aitzaz Ahsan that the Sharifs have struck a deal with the establishment. So this leaves us in the wilderness. The Bhutto-Zardari assets have to be secured.

“We need to strike hard and from all corners against Imran. Yes, I am getting regular reports how our loyal media is working for us.

“I am going to trigger my lobbying contacts in Washington, D.C. If Trump can recognize Venezuelan opposition leader Juan Guaido as president and declare president Nicolas Maduro illegitimate, then what about declaring my child, Bilawal as the ruler of Pakistan.

“Did you see how Trump gave [North Korean leader] Kim Jong Un a piece of paper that included a blunt call for the transfer of Pyongyang’s nuclear weapons and bomb fuel to the United States, so Trump would be interested in doing the same for Pakistan. I am game to any proposal that ensures that our Bhutto-Zardari dynasty is in power forever.

“I want Trump to know that the defense of our wealth is more sacred than Pakistan.”

India cannot be and will not be India without Modi

Prime Minister Narendra Modi, seated alongside defense minister Nirmala Sitharaman, is hosting a huddle with representatives from Zee News, The Times of India, The New Indian Express, The Pioneer and The Sunday Guardian at 7 Lok Kalyan Marg (formerly Race Course Road) his official residence and principal workplace.

These are widely regarded as pro-BJP media.

Prime Minister Narendra Modi, seated alongside defense minister Nirmala Sitharaman, is hosting a huddle with representatives from Zee News, The Times of India, The New Indian Express, The Pioneer and The Sunday Guardian at 7 Lok Kalyan Marg (formerly Race Course Road) his official residence and principal workplace.

All of these are widely regarded as pro-BJP media.

The prime minister’s favorite beverage, gao mutra (cow urine) is on offer.

Sitharaman starts the proceedings, “With the March 27 morning test, when our satellite-destroying missile destroyed an Indian satellite orbiting around 186 miles up, India became the fourth country in the world to prove capable of targeting the thousands of satellites circling the Earth, crucial links for communication, military and intelligence networks. Just to mention that the others are the U.S., Russia and China.

“Our ISRO (Indian Space Research Organization) is the world. You don’t hear much of space activity from either Russia or China. America’s NASA and our ISRO are the sole rulers of space.”

“Our great and sublime leader thought of this initiative (United States Space Force) that Trump is boasting now, much earlier. Our space warfare service branch is the Supreme India Space Knife, which you can call SICK for short. It will be the force for our military space operations.”

Modi, who has ordered another round of gao mutra, shares, “Just taste this one. It comes from the cows that are fed spinach grown with Ganges water, and of course, they drink that Ganges water too. It is the most sacred gao mutra in India.

“You know, how the former Pakistani prime minister Nawaz Sharif kept a dozen of his favorite cows in his official residence to obtain the purest of milks. The quality of the animal matters, be it gao mutra or lassi.

“So I was telling you that I have called you today to specifically clear the doubts that I hear are circulating among our people. You saw how we destroyed this satellite.

“I am hearing negative talk about our Mi17 V5 helicopter that people think went down in Budgam, near Srinagar. No Sir. Just like we shot our satellite, we shot our helicopter to perfect the art of shooting these machines.

“Don’t believe any of the Pakistani propaganda about Wing Commander Abhinandan’s release. But first let me say that no Pakistani plane hit Abhinandan’s MIG. The facts are that first, he obliged a Pakistani F-16 aircraft to crash. You know our Rafael jets are coming, so we have no use for these old MIG 21s. So I have ordered that every time our fighters oblige a Pakistani F-16 to crash, they should crash a MIG. This is the most intelligent way to get this inventory off our heads. Pakistani can take care of the MIG debris!

“Another thing, some foolish people are saying that Imran should get the Nobel Prize for returning our Abhinandan. Nonsense. You know all Indian parties were planning to take out a candle march had Imran not announced the release. You know how popular these liberals, whom they call mombatiwalay (candle people), are in Pakistan. Imran knew that the moment the first candle is lighted in India, the whole of Pakistan would light up its own candles. Not just Pakistan, the entire world would light candles for Abdhinandan. And I let this plan to be leaked. Upon finding this, Imran was unnerved and immediately summoned a high-level security meeting and released our hero, Abhinandan, the real F-16 killer.

“It is mine and my diplomacy.

“Now let us return to our space program. You know that space tourism is becoming more of a reality, especially when commercial spaceflight companies Blue Origin, SpaceX, and Virgin Galactic have announced details about their plans. I can bet that Americans, like they stuff themselves into cruise ships, will stuff themselves for space vacations.

“I am therefore arranging for a lot of Patels to be taken to both the moon and Mars to establish motels for space tourists. I have been told Patels own more than 22,000 motels and hotels in the United States, collectively valued at more than $128 billion. So Americans are familiar with Patel motels. Our Patels will be there, to serve the space visitors.

“You know it and whole of India knows it that Narendra Modi is the supreme warrior. India cannot be and will not be India without Modi.”

India cannot be and will not be India without Modi

Prime Minister Narendra Modi, seated alongside defense minister Nirmala Sitharaman, is hosting a huddle with representatives from Zee News, The Times of India, The New Indian Express, The Pioneer and The Sunday Guardian at 7 Lok Kalyan Marg (formerly Race Course Road) his official residence and principal workplace.

All of these are widely regarded as pro-BJP media.

The prime minister’s favorite beverage, gao mutra (cow urine) is on offer.

Sitharaman starts the proceedings, “With the March 27 morning test, when our satellite-destroying missile destroyed an Indian satellite orbiting around 186 miles up, India became the fourth country in the world to prove capable of targeting the thousands of satellites circling the Earth, crucial links for communication, military and intelligence networks. Just to mention that the others are the U.S., Russia and China.

“Our ISRO (Indian Space Research Organization) is the world. You don’t hear much of space activity from either Russia or China. America’s NASA and our ISRO are the sole rulers of space.”

“Our great and sublime leader thought of this initiative (United States Space Force) that Trump is boasting now, much earlier. Our space warfare service branch is the Supreme India Space Knife, which you can call SICK for short. It will be the force for our military space operations.”

Modi, who has ordered another round of gao mutra, shares, “Just taste this one. It comes from the cows that are fed spinach grown with Ganges water, and of course, they drink that Ganges water too. It is the most sacred gao mutra in India.

“You know, how the former Pakistani prime minister Nawaz Sharif kept a dozen of his favorite cows in his official residence to obtain the purest of milks. The quality of the animal matters, be it gao mutra or lassi.

“So I was telling you that I have called you today to specifically clear the doubts that I hear are circulating among our people. You saw how we destroyed this satellite.

“I am hearing negative talk about our Mi17 V5 helicopter that people think went down in Budgam, near Srinagar. No Sir. Just like we shot our satellite, we shot our helicopter to perfect the art of shooting these machines.

“Don’t believe any of the Pakistani propaganda about Wing Commander Abhinandan’s release. But first let me say that no Pakistani plane hit Abhinandan’s MIG. The facts are that first, he obliged a Pakistani F-16 aircraft to crash. You know our Rafael jets are coming, so we have no use for these old MIG 21s. So I have ordered that every time our fighters oblige a Pakistani F-16 to crash, they should crash a MIG. This is the most intelligent way to get this inventory off our heads. Pakistani can take care of the MIG debris!

“Another thing, some foolish people are saying that Imran should get the Nobel Prize for returning our Abhinandan. Nonsense. You know all Indian parties were planning to take out a candle march had Imran not announced the release. You know how popular these liberals, whom they call mombatiwalay (candle people), are in Pakistan. Imran knew that the moment the first candle is lighted in India, the whole of Pakistan would light up its own candles. Not just Pakistan, the entire world would light candles for Abdhinandan. And I let this plan to be leaked. Upon finding this, Imran was unnerved and immediately summoned a high-level security meeting and released our hero, Abhinandan, the real F-16 killer.

“It is mine and my diplomacy.

“Now let us return to our space program. You know that space tourism is becoming more of a reality, especially when commercial spaceflight companies Blue Origin, SpaceX, and Virgin Galactic have announced details about their plans. I can bet that Americans, like they stuff themselves into cruise ships, will stuff themselves for space vacations.

“I am therefore arranging for a lot of Patels to be taken to both the moon and Mars to establish motels for space tourists. I have been told Patels own more than 22,000 motels and hotels in the United States, collectively valued at more than $128 billion. So Americans are familiar with Patel motels. Our Patels will be there, to serve the space visitors.

“You know it and whole of India knows it that Narendra Modi is the supreme warrior. India cannot be and will not be India without Modi.”

Only the Hungry Voter Knows that Bhutto Never Died

Asif Zardari, the former president of Pakistan, and the will-certified co-chairman of the Pakistan Peoples Party, has called yet another meeting to discuss the on-going situation pertaining to him and his family; and the political situation.

Present are his sister, Faryal Talpur, his son, Bilawal, and party stalwarts, senators Raza Rabbani and Sherry Rehman, and Farhatullah Babar, Syed Nayyer Hussain Bukhari, Qamar Zaman Kaira, Mustafa Nawaz Khokhar and his lawyer, Farooq Naik.

The National Accountability Bureau (NAB) had earlier grilled Zardari and his son. Later Sindh Chief Minister Sindh Syed Murad Ali Shah was also questioned in the fake accounts case. Like Bilawal, he too was given a questionnaire to complete.

His processor, former Sindh chief minister Qaim Ali Shah is also named in the fake accounts case.

As usual, Zardari has in front of him a few overloaded ashtrays and bottles of wines.

Zardari, take a few deep puffs, and starts, “Nawaz Sharif is finally out on bail, and his brother, Shehbaz is off the no-fly list. But Farooq why things heating up for me?

“Let me digress here. Who upon earth set the rate of Rs. 2000 per attendee for the train march? At least some sense prevailed, and they were given Rs. 200 each. It should have been Rs. 100 maximum. Yes, it is all Sindh government money, but don’t I have better uses for it and you know that Mustafa Nawaz.

“What did I say? Rs.100. Not even that. Aren’t they the haris (indentured tillers) of party leaders’ estates? They should have come on their own… it is their obligation to praise our great martyrs… the Immortal Zulfikar Ali Bhutto and the Queen of Martyrs Benazir.”

Sherry raises her arm, clenches her first, and declares, “What a boy! Bilawal, you did a fabulous train march! I could see our Immortal Martyrs in the halo above you.”

Bilawal, takes a bow, and asks, “Thank you for your kind words. But Aunt Sherry, may be we ask Grand Uncle Qaim [Ali Shah] that why all Sindhis look alike because every station that we stopped, I saw the same faces.”

Zardari resumes, “Farooq, why are they after our sugar mills… our Murad [Ali Shah, Sindh chief minister] was questioned about Thatta Sugar Mills. Don’t they know that we are sweets eating nation, and we need sugar mills, and only sugar mills owned by me can produce real sugar.

“Now Sherry, you know Washington, D.C., well… you have got to work with our Senator Akbar [Khawaja] on this thing. Ever since [finance minister] Asad Umar insulted my Bilawal addressing him as ‘Bilawal Zardari’, I have been looking into this matter.

“I am told that in USA, only the mother’s name is required on birth certificates, and they ask that if you know father’s name, you can mention it, otherwise it is left blank. I want Akbar to get birth certificates for these three children of mine, only giving Benazir Bhutto as the mother, and father’s name column should be left unmentioned.

“This should silence not only Asad but all of his party’s loudmouths!”

Raza Rabbani quickly offers his suggestion, “My beloved chief, you are the Crown of Sindh, and you know how strong are beliefs associated with saints and their annual festivals.

“Yes, indeed, it was a very wise move to send to send our honorable leader, Bilawal Bhutto Zardari on the train march to the resting places of our Immortal Martyrs, but let us go step further. Instead of calling it an anniversary, we should call it an ‘urs [spiritual festival] at Garhi Khud Bux…”

Bukhari offers his suggestion, “I would say that we rename the town as Bhuttonagar … the abode of the Bhuttos. Then we will have a Martyr Bhutto ‘urs at Bhuttonagar. Just think of the impact on the peoples hearts.”

Bowing his head toward Asif Zardari, he continues, “I would ask our Sindh leaders to order their haris to attend… I mean make it incumbent upon them to attend the ‘urs, and they should relate the miracles brought about our Immortal Martyrs.”

Babar angrily shoots, “This stooge… this puppet… Imran has stolen our party slogan launching his Ehsas (compassion) program. He is saying that he would be amending Article 38(D) [of the Constitution], which includes a clause regarding providing people with food, shelter, clothing, education and taking care of their health.

“I mean seriously! Food… shelter… clothing… yes, this is roti, kapra, makan… it is our copyrighted slogan.”

Farooq Naek quickly declares, “This is a reckless move. I tell you that Imran [Khan] is aware of the copyright issue; this is why he has added education and health to our slogan.”

Bilawal seeks permission and offers, “This is theft! Our sainted Immortal Martyrs have ruled on this roti, kapra, makan. This selected prime minister thinks that by providing all this, he can end the Sindhis worshipping us, the Immoral Martyrs and their true heirs, us. We will not allow Imran to fulfill the peoples needs, because a satisfied people will never listen to our copyrighted slogan.”

Zardari, bottoms up a glass, pounds the table, and declares, “A hungry voter is our vote bank. Only the hungry voter knows that Bhutto never died.”