Indian prime minister Narendra Modi has summoned a high level meeting after the loss of communications issues with Chandrayaan2, which was to land on the lunar South Pole after taking off from on Satish Dhawan Space Center.
Present are defense minister Rajnath Singh, Indian Space Research Organization (ISRO) chief Dr. K. Sivan, minister of state for health Ashwini Choubey, and minister of state Ayurveda, Yoga & Naturopathy, Unani, Siddha and Homoeopathy Shripad Yesso Naik.
The prime minister has already ordered his favorite beverage gaomutra (cow urine) for those present.
Dr. Sivan starts the conversation, “Shri Pardhan Mantri (honorable prime minister), I most grateful that you hugged me and due to you magnanimity my photo was in every media in India and around the world.
“Honorable Sir, I was not crying that our Vikram Lander did not communicate from the moon, but I shedding tears of joy and fulfillment.
“Shri Pardhan Mantri, while Vikram did not initiate conversation with us, but it has made the moon a sacred place. We found that it is resting on the moon, but its bhakti is silent… a silent puja. It is bakhti because Your Excellency, it has bathed the moon’s surface with your beloved beverage. The invigorating drink from our Gou Mata (mother cow)… the sacred flask of your favorite brand Śrad’dhēya Mutra (sublime urine) was sprayed by Vikram, even though it had lost its voice. The bath of Śrad’dhēya Mutra has blessed the moon and made an integral part of India…yes, just Kashmir is integral part of India.”
The prime minister quickly adds, “Indeed, may Gou Mata bless and may you remain bathed in Śrad’dhēya Mutra…”
Choubey quickly interjects, “May Gou Mata bless Vikram. Indeed, by spraying the moon with Śrad’dhēya Mutra, it has spared the moon of cancer!
“O my beloved Pardhan Mantri, Vikram rightly deserves the Param Vir Chakra (the Wheel of the Ultimate Brave — the highest military award) for this immeasurable service to the moon and to humanity.”
Dr. Sivan offers, “Certainly… certainly… Vikram’s 15-minute final descent were the most terrifying moments, but its did bless the moon with Śrad’dhēya Mutra.”
Modi hugs Dr. Sivan and adds, “So this mission cost just $150 million… is it so because you were exploring the barren dark side of moon? Yes, what about navigating, it so difficult to even walk in the dark.
“You remember how our hero commander [Indian Air Force pilot] Abhinandan could not accomplish everything because of the dense fog in Pakistan that day, except killing one Pakistani F-16, and just like Vikram, his MIG-21 too went silent. I gave him a Vir Chakar.
“Why didn’t you tell me earlier. I know you love India and wanted save the nation’s money, but you should have spent $300 million and aimed for the bright wide of the moon and landed Vikram in style… And I needed that footage for use in my next election campaign… bright and clear photos.”
Dr. Sivan quickly offers, “And our beautiful Vikram also lay besides [Israeli robotic spacecraft] Beresheet…”
Modi exults, “Jai Hind… this true Indian and Israeli love story. I am going to call Netanyahu right now with this news.”
Choubey and Naik speak in one voice, Pardhan Mantri, it is your wisdom that you have made gaomutra your beloved beverage because right now our ministries are building on the initial research that gaomutra is powerful in its own. It is unique and it has a quality to treat various health issues.
“Gaomutra is used in the preparation of several types of medicines. It is used even for the treatment of incurable disease like cancer. The urine of the Indian cow is used.
“O beloved Pardhan Mantri, certainly Vikram must given greater honor than our hero Abhinandan. Vikram has infused the moon surface with gaomutra so no one who visits and will live on the moon will ever have cancer.
‘Our beloved Pardhan Mantri you should announce to world that because it is our sacred Indian gaomutra, the moon belongs to us.
“India owns the moon because we blessed it with Indian gaomutra!”