Maryam (don’t call me Safdar Awan) Nawaz Sharif has been panic-stricken since she was told that prime minister Imran Khan, addressing Pakistani Americans in Washington. D.C. on July 21, 2109, said that he will order the withdrawal of luxuries like TV sets and air conditioners being enjoyed in jail by former prime minister and convict Nawaz Sharif and under trial detainee and former president Asif Ali Zardari.
The court had already rejected Nawaz Sharif’s appeal for having home-cooked food. In fact, detained Pakistan Muslim League-Nawaz leader Sanaullah too lost a similar appeal.
She hurriedly calls Bilawal (don’t call me Zardari) Bhutto-Zardari, and asks, “Did you hear what I heard? This selected prime minister is going to put our fathers through more hardships…”
Bilawal, interrupts, and adds, “My beloved sister, our fathers are made of forged steal, come what may they will not cough out a penny. We deserve all what our fathers, mothers and grandparents have collected as a just reward for doing public service.”
Maryam continues, “Yes, ever since the Supreme Court rejected my father’s appeal for getting treatment in London, he has stopped getting heart attacks…”
Bilawal adds, “Yes, my father has stopped getting dementia, depressive disorder, and post-traumatic stress attacks…”
Maryam interjects, “My dear brother Bilawal, I suspect there is something in the jail food that our fathers are being given…”
Bilawal quickly points out, “My beloved sister Maryam, this is Imran Niazi’s sinister plan to prevent our fathers from filing court petitions on health grounds.”
Maryam continues, “May God protect our illustrious fathers. You saw it all that how this Niazi is hurting Pakistan’s image? Instead of showing the proud colors of our national carrier, our pride, our PIA, he travels by Qatar Airways. And then inconveniences our ambassador by billeting in his house. No shame! The ambassador and his family deserve their privacy.
“Just imagine, our country of 220 million being represented by a selected prime minister and a five-member team. Even for my overseas shopping trips, I used to take more than fifty people.
“Yes, I was so hopeful because I know both of your parents excelled in lobbying in America that you would ensure that this Niazi’s trip fails. What happened? Where were your lobbyists?
“I know that you have the government Sindh, and you could have diverted more funds for our lobbying. Do people need health care, do they need education! After all their destiny is to serve us obediently.”
Bilawal sighs, “I agree. My lobbyists did a poor job. I have been suffering heartburning since I heard Trump’s stupid introduction: ‘It’s my great honor to have the very popular and by the way great athlete, one of the greatest, Prime Minister of Pakistan.’
“Oh, I get all my medications from Dubai. I don’t how many cartons of Gaviscon and Mollydon, and plus, I am getting supplies from London… Tums, Pepcid, Zantac, Pepto-Bismol. Oh, I am just making cocktails but no relief.”
Maryam quickly adds, “Ask me. I can’t recall how many gallons of Milk of Magnesia, I have used so far. And this threat of depriving our fathers of first class facilities in jails is driving me to binge on antidepressants.”
Bilawal adds, “Ask me. I have made a cocktail of Cipramil, Priligy, Prozac, and Oxactin. Yes depressing. Yes nauseating.
“Our crown being worn by a selected prime minister.”
Maryam sighs and adds, “Did you hear about this supreme court judgment that the suspension of a sentence awarded to an election candidate has no impact on his or her disqualification to contest the poll.
“This Niazi is trying to take me out of the election process.”
Bilawal sighs and murmurs, “First the selected prime minister started with his army, then he got NAB [National Accountability Bureau] to rule over us. Now, he has taken over the supreme court.
“Our media was doing such good job of telling the people that this Niazi did not get protocol in America. But now the White House has released this photo that an American military honor cordon welcomed him at the White House…”
Maryam, shaking her head, “You saw it Bilawal. Trump did not trust our dear friend [Indian prime minister] Modi and put himself and his wife Melania at opposite sides, but with Imran, he let Melania stand close to him. I mean come on! A sixty-six year old brainless person standing should to shoulder to your wife. Uff that woman tweets ‘Great to have Prime Minister @ImranKhanPTI of Pakistan at the @WhiteHouse today!’ Does she want to become his wife Number Four?”
“But Bilawal, what happened to our plan that you will remind everyone in Washington DC that first of all he is Taliban Khan, and of course, he is a selected prime minister. What happened to the plan that Trump would be told that Niazi will never compromise on the nuclear issue, while we can barter it for our father’s freedom and our thrones and riches.”
Bilawal continues, “Yes losses are humongous but see what he has done to India. The entire country is wailing. The American State Department said, ‘While Kashmir is a bilateral issue for both parties to discuss, the Trump administration welcomes #Pakistan and #India sitting down and the United States stands ready to assist.’ This is blatant meddling in India’s affairs. Both of us should condemn this. We need India’s support just as India is helping in destabilizing Baluchistan.
“Maryam, you know that my mother and her siblings waged a 11-year war against Pakistan… May grandfather, the real Martyr Bhutto had enough cash stacked outside to keep it going.
“We cannot abandon our fathers. Let us hold a joint press conference and announce the launch of our war against Pakistan… against this selected Niazi… against his army… against his NAB and against his supreme court. We will not pay back even a penny! [Bilawal and Maryam clasp their hands and shout] ‘Bilawal Bhutto-Zardari and Maryam Nawaz Sharif are at war with Pakistan’.”