Maryam (“don’t call me Safdar”) Nawaz Sharif and Bilawal (“call me Bhutto”) Zardari are meeting over the latter’s upcoming visit to Washington, D.C. and of course, President Trump’s invitation to prime minister Imran Khan.
Maryam initiates the conversation, “Bilawal, although you are only less than a handful years older than my son, but I consider you as my brother just as our fathers [Nawaz Sharif and Asif Zardari] consider themselves to be brothers. We are kin.
“This Niazi… this Imran Khan is continuing to erode the majesty of the office of the head of state. The sooner we get rid of him, the better.
“In fact, I was so overjoyed when I started getting the reports that he has not even been invited… but alas, the White House stabbed us in the heart by officially announcing the invite.”
Bilawal offering his assent adds, “It started with his auctioning the official cars…”
Maryam quickly interjects, “And my father’s beloved buffaloes that gave us so many jugs of blissful lassi…”
Bilawal continues, “Indeed. Yes, those beautiful animals too. I heard that Uncle Nawaz took expert advice in acquiring the right breed of buffaloes…”
Maryam soulfully offers, “Exactly. My father is the truest of lassi connoisseurs.”
Bilawal continues, “You know I am visiting the United States for two weeks starting July 16 so I will have at least five days before Niazi’s visit for briefing the senators, congressmen and senior officials about the dangers that this selected prime minister holds for the United States.”
Maryam interjects again, “Excellent, my brother. Do keep stressing that he is Taliban Khan…”
Bilawal continues, “Of course! I will be there two weeks, and he is only there for three days. So I will also brief the American leadership after this selected one leaves America.
“You know he has only been invited for what the Americans call an ‘official working visit’. They have not offered him accommodation in the Blair House, which is across from the White House. Yes, he would be meeting with the president, and possibly have a working lunch at the White House. Since the Secretary of State will be at the luncheon, he will not have a separate meeting with him. And he can’t show off too as on such visits there is no ceremony upon arrival and departure. Let us see if the press is granted some photo opportunities and there is a press conference.”
Maryam added, “I know that your late mother, our great BB, the Queen of Martyrs, and President Zardari have very strong lobbying relations in Washington, and you have strong people there like Ambassador Hussain Haqqani to do the groundwork and follow-up.
“Our fathers must be FREE… we should regain our inheritance…the keys to Pakistan’s treasury!”
Bilawal continues, “Rest assured, I will shake Imran Niazi’s foundations. Both of us agree that Trump believes in transactional relationships. We can offer him something that will delight him, like controls over our nuclear program after all it belongs to my grandfather, the Great Martyr, Zulfikar Ali Bhutto…”
Maryam is quick to add, “And my father too. Prime Minister Mian Mohammad Nawaz Sharif personally ignited the bomb!”
Bilawal, banging the table, declares, “This Niazi is bringing Pakistan’s name in ill-repute. Instead of staying in the royal suite of a five-star hotel, he is weighing himself upon our ambassador there. What [foreign minister] Shah Mahmood Qureshi is going with him and perhaps three or four others… being put up in three star hotels.
“This selected Niazi lacks class… lacks breeding. You know, as president, my father spent 257 days abroad while on his 134 foreign trips, and was accompanied by some 3,227 people. President Zardari has the regal style… he gave around Rs 20 million in tips alone, and Rs 45 million worth of gifts. This is how you show your country’s flag!”
Once again, Maryam is quick to offer, “Indeed our fathers are great statesmen and the people’s real representatives. My father spent 262 days abroad during his four-years as prime minister. He gave Rs 30 million in tips and Rs 60 million of gifts. Our fathers know how to show the country’s flag. They always had PIA kit a jumbo jet luxury style for their overseas trips.”
Bilawal assures Maryam, “In fact, we should rejoice the mistakes this Niazi is making. You know that lobbying is America’s lifeblood. When this Niazi will show so much pennilessness, the American politicians who are always on the lookout for lobbying dollars will know that nothing can had from him. Of course, they know that we, especially my parents spent the big lobbying dollars.
“Even our non-family prime ministers, your Shahid Khaqan Abbasi and our Syed Yousuf Raza Gilani and Raja Pervaiz Ashraf undertook their foreign trips in regal style.
“As serving president, my father visited Dubai 51 times, and 17 times he went to London…”
Maryam interjects, “Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif did 24 visits to London… after all Hassan and Hussain are there.”
Bilawal continues, “You know, I will arrive in full imperial style. I have asked Uncle Malik Riaz [chairman, Bahria] to kit his private plane for my visit to America… a style, which is going to announce that we know how to spend and the American lawmakers know where real money lies.
“The cost-cutting that Niazi is doing is his own undoing. American public representatives only trust big spenders on lobbying, and they will be given the message that the Bhutto and Sharif families have the wherewithal to give. I tell you lobbyists will be climbing over each other to present their [lobbying] proposals to me.
“Let the world know that the Bhutto-Zardari and Sharif families will invest to retake Pakistan.”
Maryam, raising her fist, declares, “But not penny of our money!”