Dr. Abn-Awaa al-Diba, secretary general of the High Institute for the Study of Advancement of Gulf Monarchies is meeting Abdullatif bin Rashid Al Zayani, secretary-general of the GCC, formally known as The Cooperation Council for the Arab States of the Gulf, to discuss the collection of zakat by the UN Commission for Human Rights (UNHCR).
Dr. al-Diba initiates the discussion, “May Allah protect all our heads of states of Gulf countries. It is their blessing and love that the UNHCR collected zakat from Muslims.”
Al-Zayani, a Bahraini engineer and retired lieutenant general, seconds, “Indeed… Indeed. Muslims pay hundreds of billions of dollars in zakat each year; it is an amount with great potential to impact the world.
“In the past, some people were misusing zakat for activities like feeding the Palestinians in Gaza, like providing winter clothing to children in what-Pakistan-calls, Kashmir.”
Al-Diba adds, “Certainly, our wise leaders have moved in the right direction. Our common benefactor, Abu Ivanka (President Trump) would have let his displeasure known.
“Our leadership be praised. Abu Ivanka is more than dear brother to us…”
Al Zayani, “Praise be to the Lord of the Heavens. Our wise leadership be praised…”
Al-Diba continues, “The most honorable efforts of our wise leadership have placed our countries at par with Israel in the eyes of our beloved Abu Ivanka.
“You may recall that our beloved ally, President George W. Bush used the emergency provision in 2006 to send precision-guided weapons to Israel during the Israel-Hezbollah July War…”
Al Zayani nodding in assent, exclaims, “Yes, I do. Hezbollah is just another name for Iran…”
Al-Diba, “Our most wise and honorable leadership’s great work is bearing fruit. You see there are multiple reports that Abu Ivanka will use this emergency to export $7 billion in arms to Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates. Praise be to the Lord. Praise be to Abu Ivanka. For more than four years these Houthis … or we rather call them by their real identity, Iranians, have waged a brutal war in Yemen against our beloved states.”
Al-Zayani adds, “As a Bahraini, I know the real face of Iran. You know, some seventy percent of people in our country are Iranians [read Shia]. To top it all, they are learning all the poisonous things from Iran, like they want an elected government in Bahrain. May God protect our wise rulers whom He has created to rule over us forever.”
Al-Diba, “Let us return to our main concern, the collection and disbursement of zakat. Our honorable and wise leadership has scored a masterstroke by handling over zakat collection to the UNHCR.
“My blessed and honorable Shaykh Al-Zayani, I can imagine to whom the seventy percent population of your country, the Iranians, would have given their zakat to if the UNHCR was not there. Imagine zakat being used for feeding and caring for these Iranians, Palestinians and Kashmiris and these fourth world people.
“Certainly, our wise leadership knows the way to Abu Ivanka’s heart. He must get reelected in 2020, and all of us must support this cause. Indeed, the Quran in Surah al-Tawba states that those who work in administering the zakat are eligible to benefit from zakat. And this zakat administration at UNHCR is creating jobs for people of countries that love us… England, America, France…”
Al-Zayani interjects, “Our beloved Abu Ivanka loves creating jobs for Americans. I can only imagine how pleased he must be. We all know how masterfully he shot down all that propaganda against our beloved rulers by saying that he cannot talk against us because we are buying $110 billion of arms, which is creating jobs in America.”
Al-Diba adds, “No doubt giving UNHCR zakat collection is a wise move, and a greater move will be to get a fatwa that both our beloved countries, England And America are fully and Islamically empowered to collect our zakat.
“Zakat as we all know is one of the largest forms of wealth transfer to the poor and needy. Who else but our beloved countries, England and America need our support? Zakat is expected to surpass $3 trillion by 2020. Such large amounts can only be administered by England and America so it does not fall in wrong hands like the Palestinians and Kashmiris.
“God forbid that our dearest Abu Ivanka leaves the presidency, but if it happens, our honorable and wise leadership should appoint him as the International Director General of Zakat Administration. We need firm control over these funds, which he knows how to do.
“Shaykh Al-Zayani we need a fatwa that zakat can only be given to those who honor and respect our wise leaders and great leaders like Abu Ivanka and [former British prime minister] Tony Blair… the true friends of our beloved leaders. Thus, we can have even more fulfilling zakat seasons.