Former president and Pakistan Peoples Party (PPP) co-chair, Asif Ali Zardari has summoned another huddle, inviting Sen. Sherry Rehman, Farhatullah Babar, Sen. Rehman Malik, Nayyar Bokhari and former prime minister Raja Pervez Ashraf.
As usual, Zardari’s desk has several heaping ashtrays and his bottle of whisky.
Zardari takes a few deep puffs, and starts the proceedings, “Can anyone of you suggest a better law team for us? Farooq Naek has gotten me nowhere.
“His biggest failure is that he failed to keep my cases in Sindh. Now they are in Islamabad, where I don’t have that sort of clout…”
Sherry Rehman bows her head submissively and quickly adds, “God forbid, now NAB (National Accountability Bureau) has sought the cancellation of your bail in what-they-call, the mega money laundering and fake bank accounts case…”
Zardri continues, “Yes, Sherry, indeed God forbid. Why did this NAB wake up so late? Now they have discovered that I can tamper the evidence because of the influence I yield. Wow… they never heard, how I disappeared the Swiss case evidence.
“Silly fools are telling the court that I am not cooperating with them in the probe. Do they think that Asif Ali Zardari is an idiot?
“Money and Asif Ali Zardari cannot be parted…”
Raja Pervez Ashraf, popularly known as ‘Raja Rental’ for his role in making money through contracting rental power companies, interrupts, “My beloved and honorable leader, may our Immortal Leader Zulfikar Ali Bhutto always bless you, it is your love and caring that I have made enough at least for a few generations. I am worried for you and all our friends and family, who have benefitted from your largesse, this news that NAB has hired Naeem Bukhari to prosecute cases against the Sharifs is disconcerting to say the least. He is the same Naeem Bukhari who sent Nawaz Sharif to jail.”
Zardari continues, “My dear Raja Pervez don’t worry at all. Asif Zardari knows how to beat the system. NAB gave me its questionnaire and gave me 10 days to submit my response. Did I send anything to them? Will I send them anything? Finally, they will file a case to get the response, and I will keep postponing the case.
“Yes, I will like to rule Pakistan… oh, with all this news about offshore oil, who will not like to rule this country? I will find a will of our Immortal Leader Bhutto and declare that this oil solely belongs to his three grandchildren. The people will love it!
“You see how I have set Bilawal to keep attacking Imran Khan that wants to dismiss the 18th Amendment and that he wants to bring One Unit system. I told him to keep repeating that Imran Khan wants to split the country, which would mean that he wants to equate himself with our Immortal Leader, the martyred Zulfikar Ali Khan who helped kick out East Pakistan from the federation.
“In fact, if the NAB does anything to me, I will declare the independence of Sindh.
“No, this is not all, you see how I have announced that the time has come to send the rulers packing. Our beloved liberals and secularists in the media are doing a fantastic job at constantly attacking Imran Khan. They are doing a great job at demoralizing the people.
“See, my care for the media is paying back… I always share the gifts. The media made money, and I made money with all those government ads.
“Don’t worry! No one can touch Asif Ali Zardari. Yes, I can see the Sharifs lowering their interest in regaining their throne, but don’t my children own the throne originally?
“I will ask, Farooq [Naek] to do at least this much and get all my cases transferred to Lahore High Court… the judges there are such a beauty.
“I tell you that if I did not dislodge the government then the coming generations would not forgive me. If Imran Khan is allowed to stay, the country would suffer and no political party would be able to recover. Imagine, people will start thinking that corruption is bad for them… bad for the country.
“I am doing it… our beloved liberal and secular media is doing it; we are educating the people that corruption does not hinder progress. I mean just look at me… look at you… has our corruption stalled our progress?