India cannot be and will not be India without Modi

Prime Minister Narendra Modi, seated alongside defense minister Nirmala Sitharaman, is hosting a huddle with representatives from Zee News, The Times of India, The New Indian Express, The Pioneer and The Sunday Guardian at 7 Lok Kalyan Marg (formerly Race Course Road) his official residence and principal workplace.

All of these are widely regarded as pro-BJP media.

The prime minister’s favorite beverage, gao mutra (cow urine) is on offer.

Sitharaman starts the proceedings, “With the March 27 morning test, when our satellite-destroying missile destroyed an Indian satellite orbiting around 186 miles up, India became the fourth country in the world to prove capable of targeting the thousands of satellites circling the Earth, crucial links for communication, military and intelligence networks. Just to mention that the others are the U.S., Russia and China.

“Our ISRO (Indian Space Research Organization) is the world. You don’t hear much of space activity from either Russia or China. America’s NASA and our ISRO are the sole rulers of space.”

“Our great and sublime leader thought of this initiative (United States Space Force) that Trump is boasting now, much earlier. Our space warfare service branch is the Supreme India Space Knife, which you can call SICK for short. It will be the force for our military space operations.”

Modi, who has ordered another round of gao mutra, shares, “Just taste this one. It comes from the cows that are fed spinach grown with Ganges water, and of course, they drink that Ganges water too. It is the most sacred gao mutra in India.

“You know, how the former Pakistani prime minister Nawaz Sharif kept a dozen of his favorite cows in his official residence to obtain the purest of milks. The quality of the animal matters, be it gao mutra or lassi.

“So I was telling you that I have called you today to specifically clear the doubts that I hear are circulating among our people. You saw how we destroyed this satellite.

“I am hearing negative talk about our Mi17 V5 helicopter that people think went down in Budgam, near Srinagar. No Sir. Just like we shot our satellite, we shot our helicopter to perfect the art of shooting these machines.

“Don’t believe any of the Pakistani propaganda about Wing Commander Abhinandan’s release. But first let me say that no Pakistani plane hit Abhinandan’s MIG. The facts are that first, he obliged a Pakistani F-16 aircraft to crash. You know our Rafael jets are coming, so we have no use for these old MIG 21s. So I have ordered that every time our fighters oblige a Pakistani F-16 to crash, they should crash a MIG. This is the most intelligent way to get this inventory off our heads. Pakistani can take care of the MIG debris!

“Another thing, some foolish people are saying that Imran should get the Nobel Prize for returning our Abhinandan. Nonsense. You know all Indian parties were planning to take out a candle march had Imran not announced the release. You know how popular these liberals, whom they call mombatiwalay (candle people), are in Pakistan. Imran knew that the moment the first candle is lighted in India, the whole of Pakistan would light up its own candles. Not just Pakistan, the entire world would light candles for Abdhinandan. And I let this plan to be leaked. Upon finding this, Imran was unnerved and immediately summoned a high-level security meeting and released our hero, Abhinandan, the real F-16 killer.

“It is mine and my diplomacy.

“Now let us return to our space program. You know that space tourism is becoming more of a reality, especially when commercial spaceflight companies Blue Origin, SpaceX, and Virgin Galactic have announced details about their plans. I can bet that Americans, like they stuff themselves into cruise ships, will stuff themselves for space vacations.

“I am therefore arranging for a lot of Patels to be taken to both the moon and Mars to establish motels for space tourists. I have been told Patels own more than 22,000 motels and hotels in the United States, collectively valued at more than $128 billion. So Americans are familiar with Patel motels. Our Patels will be there, to serve the space visitors.

“You know it and whole of India knows it that Narendra Modi is the supreme warrior. India cannot be and will not be India without Modi.”

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