Only the Hungry Voter Knows that Bhutto Never Died

Asif Zardari, the former president of Pakistan, and the will-certified co-chairman of the Pakistan Peoples Party, has called yet another meeting to discuss the on-going situation pertaining to him and his family; and the political situation.

Present are his sister, Faryal Talpur, his son, Bilawal, and party stalwarts, senators Raza Rabbani and Sherry Rehman, and Farhatullah Babar, Syed Nayyer Hussain Bukhari, Qamar Zaman Kaira, Mustafa Nawaz Khokhar and his lawyer, Farooq Naik.

The National Accountability Bureau (NAB) had earlier grilled Zardari and his son. Later Sindh Chief Minister Sindh Syed Murad Ali Shah was also questioned in the fake accounts case. Like Bilawal, he too was given a questionnaire to complete.

His processor, former Sindh chief minister Qaim Ali Shah is also named in the fake accounts case.

As usual, Zardari has in front of him a few overloaded ashtrays and bottles of wines.

Zardari, take a few deep puffs, and starts, “Nawaz Sharif is finally out on bail, and his brother, Shehbaz is off the no-fly list. But Farooq why things heating up for me?

“Let me digress here. Who upon earth set the rate of Rs. 2000 per attendee for the train march? At least some sense prevailed, and they were given Rs. 200 each. It should have been Rs. 100 maximum. Yes, it is all Sindh government money, but don’t I have better uses for it and you know that Mustafa Nawaz.

“What did I say? Rs.100. Not even that. Aren’t they the haris (indentured tillers) of party leaders’ estates? They should have come on their own… it is their obligation to praise our great martyrs… the Immortal Zulfikar Ali Bhutto and the Queen of Martyrs Benazir.”

Sherry raises her arm, clenches her first, and declares, “What a boy! Bilawal, you did a fabulous train march! I could see our Immortal Martyrs in the halo above you.”

Bilawal, takes a bow, and asks, “Thank you for your kind words. But Aunt Sherry, may be we ask Grand Uncle Qaim [Ali Shah] that why all Sindhis look alike because every station that we stopped, I saw the same faces.”

Zardari resumes, “Farooq, why are they after our sugar mills… our Murad [Ali Shah, Sindh chief minister] was questioned about Thatta Sugar Mills. Don’t they know that we are sweets eating nation, and we need sugar mills, and only sugar mills owned by me can produce real sugar.

“Now Sherry, you know Washington, D.C., well… you have got to work with our Senator Akbar [Khawaja] on this thing. Ever since [finance minister] Asad Umar insulted my Bilawal addressing him as ‘Bilawal Zardari’, I have been looking into this matter.

“I am told that in USA, only the mother’s name is required on birth certificates, and they ask that if you know father’s name, you can mention it, otherwise it is left blank. I want Akbar to get birth certificates for these three children of mine, only giving Benazir Bhutto as the mother, and father’s name column should be left unmentioned.

“This should silence not only Asad but all of his party’s loudmouths!”

Raza Rabbani quickly offers his suggestion, “My beloved chief, you are the Crown of Sindh, and you know how strong are beliefs associated with saints and their annual festivals.

“Yes, indeed, it was a very wise move to send to send our honorable leader, Bilawal Bhutto Zardari on the train march to the resting places of our Immortal Martyrs, but let us go step further. Instead of calling it an anniversary, we should call it an ‘urs [spiritual festival] at Garhi Khud Bux…”

Bukhari offers his suggestion, “I would say that we rename the town as Bhuttonagar … the abode of the Bhuttos. Then we will have a Martyr Bhutto ‘urs at Bhuttonagar. Just think of the impact on the peoples hearts.”

Bowing his head toward Asif Zardari, he continues, “I would ask our Sindh leaders to order their haris to attend… I mean make it incumbent upon them to attend the ‘urs, and they should relate the miracles brought about our Immortal Martyrs.”

Babar angrily shoots, “This stooge… this puppet… Imran has stolen our party slogan launching his Ehsas (compassion) program. He is saying that he would be amending Article 38(D) [of the Constitution], which includes a clause regarding providing people with food, shelter, clothing, education and taking care of their health.

“I mean seriously! Food… shelter… clothing… yes, this is roti, kapra, makan… it is our copyrighted slogan.”

Farooq Naek quickly declares, “This is a reckless move. I tell you that Imran [Khan] is aware of the copyright issue; this is why he has added education and health to our slogan.”

Bilawal seeks permission and offers, “This is theft! Our sainted Immortal Martyrs have ruled on this roti, kapra, makan. This selected prime minister thinks that by providing all this, he can end the Sindhis worshipping us, the Immoral Martyrs and their true heirs, us. We will not allow Imran to fulfill the peoples needs, because a satisfied people will never listen to our copyrighted slogan.”

Zardari, bottoms up a glass, pounds the table, and declares, “A hungry voter is our vote bank. Only the hungry voter knows that Bhutto never died.”

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