Shortchanging the country is our job

Asif Zardari, the former president of Pakistan, and the will-certified co-chairman of the Pakistan Peoples Party, has called his sister, Faryal Talpur, his son, Bilawal, party stalwarts senators Raza Rabbani and Sherry Rehman, and Farhatullah Babar to discuss the on-going situation with his legal issues.

Apart from the fake accounts and money laundering cases, there is the Park Lane Estate, a real estate company, case which Zardari and Bilawal jointly own.

As usual, Zardari has in front of him a few overloaded ashtrays and bottles of sherry.

Zardari, take a few deep puffs, and starts, “I am not too happy with [PPP senator Mustafa Nawaz] Khokhar’s performance in Islamabad. I was expecting at least 50,000 people at the NAB (National Accountability Bureau) office for the hearing.

“Sherry, we need to do better. We should have caused tremors… We should have locked down Islamabad.

“Where is Aitizaz [Ahsan, former cabinet minister]? Why he was not there, reciting his poetry?

“At least, I am told that our loyalists in the media are doing a fantastic job. Of course, there is the indefatigable Marvi Sirmed (Special Correspondent Daily Times, Islamabad)… God bless. Never misses a beat to hit out at Imran… She doesn’t care for the facts, she just hits out at Imran.

“I am seeing another ardent supporter in America, Raza Rumi…”

Sherry quickly offers, “Raza was editor of our Taseers’ Daily Times. He is our foot soldier.”

Zardari takes a few quick cigarette puffs and continues, “But all of us owe the greatest admiration to Hamid Mir (of Geo News). What a brilliant suggestion he made today that Mahathir, whom Imran admires so much, not only got Anwar Ibrahim out of jail, but also made him deputy prime minister.

“Never of course, any of my children will serve under or with Imran but the forgiveness angle is perfect. Let us toast to Hamid Mir.

“Rabbani don’t you think that Bilawal’s press conference was brilliant? I am told that most of the Indian newspapers and television stations highlighted his revelation that Imran took a few religious leaders into protective custody to save them from Indian bombing. I really appreciate the lines Sherry wrote for him.”

Bilawal seeks permission and proceeds, “Yes, Papa, Uncle Hamid Mir made a brilliant suggestion but this puppet Imran kept talking about corruption with Dr. Mahathir Mohamad.

“You don’t wash your dirty linen in front of your guests.”

Zardari continues, “Good your brought up Mahathir’s visit. I am sensing great danger because he is giving Imran all the wrong ideas that he set up special courts to hear corruption cases. So now what Imran does is that not only he declares that he wants corruption courts to be set up as soon as possible but also wants to change laws for this to materialize.”

Bilawal adds, “Mahathir told the media that he and Imran had exchanged ideas on how to combat corruption.

“This is scary. And also, Imran was telling the media that Malaysia’s anti-corruption model is the best example for Pakistan to follow.

“What I have heard that Imran has taken much from Mahathir. You know that Mahathir made a coalition with Anwar Ibrahim and Chinese-dominated parties to take out [former prime minister] Najib Razak, just like Imran aligned with Pervez Elahi and Sheikh Rasheed to take us out and Uncle Nawaz.”

Zardari, directing his eyes toward Sherry, states, “Sherry, yes this all is very scary. We all know that our loyal journalists are performing beautifully, but we need to push them to put in overtime. It is simply blasphemous to question the grandson of the Immortal Zulfikar Ali Bhutto and the son of the Queen of Martyrs, Benazir.”

Sherry offers, “Undoubtedly, Hamid Mir is the most loyal person one can have. Do you know that he has not even uttered a single word about Geo’s cameraman who was beaten to near death by our people when you and Bilawal were at the NAB office.”

Zardari takes a few more deep puffs and adds, “May God bless him. His love for our Immortal Martyrs is truest.”

Rabbani offers, “Hamid is a genius. Most of the time he is just testing what pitch can he sell by gauging the response from people. I think that’s part of his business model. All power to him. Hamid, keeps paying us back for giving his brother Faisal Mir, the ticket to contest from Lahore.”

Sherry offers, “I am setting up a ‘special forces committee’ to launch relentless attacks on Imran. It has Hamid Mir, Marvi Sirmed, Shehzad Khanzada (Geo News’ program “Aaj Shahzeb Khanzada kay Sath”), Mansoor Ali Khan (Express News) and Mehr Bukhari (NewsEye). We have to raise the volume… What we have earned is because we know how to earn it… Shortchanging the country is our job!”

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