The distraught prince is sulking. Bilawal, lord of many a manor, has locked himself up with his sisters in sister Bakhtawar’s closet to discuss the disasters he has experienced during these last few days.
The prince, who through his media office, has instructed that he should only be spelt as Bilawal Bhutto-Zardari, bangs his head of the closet’s mirror a few times and moans, “I just don’t know who advised our dad [Asif Ali Zardari] to let Aunt Sherry [senator Rehman] to write my national assembly speech and my press conference statement?”
His youngest sister, Aseefa, retorts, “Bill what’s wrong with that… wasn’t Aunt Sherry our ambassador in Washington, D.C.?”
Bakhtawar comes to the support of her younger sibling, offers, “But Bill, Aunt Sherry told dad that she had consulted Uncle [Hussain] Haqqani [former Pakistani ambassador to the U.S.]. He is always speaking and writing against Pakistan, especially its military. She said that he told her that with the UN Security Council discussing the issue of proscribed organizations, you should only be speaking all what the U.S., Britain, and France support.”
An exasperated Bilawal blurts, “Oh no, I am not blaming dad for anything. How can I even dream of blaming him for anything? Yes, our mother has left assets for us but these are tied with her oil business with Uncle Rehman [Malik]. You know how difficult it is dealing him?
“But dad’s assets are all in our names, and they are growing although we now only have Sindh [government] under our control.”
Aseefa questions her brother again, “But Bill you were in Washington, and Uncle [former PPP senator Ghulam Akbar] Khawaja was taking you around to congress members and senators!”
The prince angrily asks, “So! Yes. All of them told me that I was the statesman of the century and I would just ban anything they wanted, like JeM (Jaish-e Mohammad). I was not visiting Beijing to know what the Chinese would do… veto all that I was calling for?
“And I only did what we all have to do to assure our inheritance. In the national assembly, I just read what Aunt Sherry had emailed me because that is what dad wanted. What could I do if this joke of a finance minister [Asad Umar] cut me to pieces that I spoke in English only to earn accolades from the Americans, the Indians, the British, and the French. This guy has no sense of shame, when his son is my age, he scolded me on the floor of the house!”
Bakhtawar hugs her brother, and adds, “I know Bill… he is another nincompoop like his boss, Imran Khan… I don’t know how our Mom socialized with this Imran at Oxford. He must’ve stunk even then. Imagine this Asad thing called you ‘Bilawal Zardari.’”
Bilawal quickly hugs back his sister and offers, “You know how Imran Khan and his people keep working to tie my name to this Zardari part.
“They know that Sindh is ours and they can’t do anything to us in Sindh, so they have transferred the fake accounts case to Rawalpindi from Karachi. Yes, the FIA is investigating 32 people in this money laundering from fictitious accounts thing, not just dad and our aunt [Faryal Talpur]. But they keep thumping Zardari and tie my name to this Zardari bit without allowing the Bhutto pause in between.”
Aseefa quickly adds, “I don’t know why dad sent Uncle [former chief minister Sindh] Qaim Ali Shah with you to the press conference. He could have sent some attractive one like Sharmila [Farooqi, former advisor to Sindh chief minister]…”
Bakhtawar mumbles, “Uh and again you had to read all the Romanized Urdu notes that dad got done by Aunt Sherry and forwarded to you.”
Bilawal steadies himself a bit and states, “At least, Uncle Farhatullah [Babar, PPP general secretary] gave good advice that we increase pressure on Imran Khan by mentioning the ‘banned organizations’ bit everywhere because the Financial Action Task Force review looms ahead, asking the measures Pakistan is taking to counter money laundering and terror financing.
“I am sure that he must’ve told dad to add the bit about three of Imran’s ministers of having a record and history when it comes to banned organizations.
“Also, I am positive that he must’ve asked dad to get the mention of pressing for the implementation of the National Action Plan [adopted in 2015].”
They hear the dinner bell ringing and Aseefa quickly adds, “You know no one remembers that grandpa [Zulfikar Ali] Bhutto had a central role in dismembering Pakistan, but this Zardari and corruption mention is unrelenting. Whatever, Bill but we should sue Imran Khan and his government so they don’t call us Zardaris to associate us with corruption.”