If Only I had Those Rafale Jets

The pride project of getting India invited to the 46th session of Council of Foreign Ministers of the Organization of Islamic Cooperation (OIC) member states in Abu Dhabi, as an “honored guest” did not fully pan out to prime minister Narendra Modi’s delight, when a separate resolution reaffirmed OIC’s “unwavering support for the Kashmiri people in their just cause” and condemned, in the strongest terms, the recent wave of Indian terrorism in occupied Jammu and Kashmir.

Upon external affairs minister Sushma Swaraj’s hurried return, Modi summoned another huddle with his close aides at his office in the prime minister’s secretariat. Besides Swaraj, they included National Security Adviser Ajit Dovel, Uttar Pradesh chief minister Yogi Adityanath, defense minister Nirmala Sitharaman, information minister Col. Rajyavardhan Singh Rathore, and Anil Kumar Dhasmana, chief of the Research and Analysis Wing (RAW), India’s foreign intelligence service. Besides his vast experience on Pakistan and Afghanistan, Dhasmana’s domain of expertise is considered to be Baluchistan, counter-terrorism and Islamic countries affairs.

The prime minister, who is nursing his usual glass of his favorite beverage, gao mutra (cow urine), doesn’t seem to be enjoying life.

Modi, turning around uncomfortably in his swivel chair, started, “What am I hearing. The chatter seems that the [Indian National] Congress leadership should wash [Pakistan prime minister] Imran Khan’s feet, and drinks that water too because it will be the first Indian election in which Imran Khan will defeat our party [Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP)].

“So, what is your answer Anil [Dhasmana]?”

The RAW chief, starts hesitatingly, “Yes, Your Excellency. I am also hearing such chatter. The general impression is that Imran’s two decisions… a clear line on Kartarpur Temple corridor, and the release of [the downed Indian pilot, Wing Commander] Abhi Nandan Varthaman, has been to [Congress leader] Rahul Gandhi’s advantage.

“Your Excellency, but the more ominous chatter that I am hearing is that Imran Khan is striving toward a regime change…”

Modi snaps to attention, “Anil, what do you mean? Hasn’t he already done a regime change in Pakistan, and sent Nawaz Sharif to jail too?”

Dhasmana continues, “No, Your Excellency, his strategy will be the reason to change your government. Sir, people are saying that the captain has hit a six across the border.”

Modi snaps again, “So, Rahul, you mean to say, is being supported by the ISI [Inter-Service Intelligence, Pakistan’s intelligence service]. Only yesterday, I was told that it is being said that Adnan Sami, the Pakistani singer, whom we gave asylum to is in realty a Pakistani major working under cover. Not just that, I was also told that our valuable asset, Tarek Fatah, is actually a Pakistani brigadier, who, working under cover, has penetrated our inner circle…”

Yogi Adityanath blurts out, “Ram, Ram, Ram… is that so. Modiji, I would say that these Adnan and Tarek cases should handed over to our Gaurakshini Sabha (cow protection society). They are experts. They smell the breath of a beef eater from out of nowhere.

“Now, I don’t know, even if Hussain Haqqani is really our asset, or something else.

“Modiji, you should not have allowed Imran Khan to return Abhi Nandan. Now he is using it for his propaganda. Instead, of sending Abhi back in a private jet, he made a spectacle out him at Wagah border, with all spectators and the international media present there.”

Modi blurts out again, “My dear Yogi, whatever I said about Abhi’s quick return was only for public consumption. The longer Abhi had stayed in Pakistan, it would have been better for us. There would have been lots of demonstrations there for his release… all this would have strengthened our loyal liberal and secular forces there.

“Colonel Rathore, right away deploy your information ministry to clear all misconceptions that Pakistan shot down Abhi’s plane. No. Never. The fact is that Abhi had sighted a huge Pakistani terrorist training camp, and he fired the R73 Air to Air missile. You know that R73 is a supersonic weapon. This created a turbulence due to which he lost control, and had to eject. Another Pakistani lie, you need to bury is the Abhi’s plane fell on their side. No Sir, it fell on our side of the border, not only Abhi’s parachute drifted to the Pakistani side, but also the wind blew away the debris there too.”

Swaraj offers her view, “I am also told about the chatter that the way Imran is playing his cards, sometimes it seems to be a fairy tale. Not just that but I also heard that Imran Khan knows how to spoil your [Modi] prime time love!”

Ajit Dovel, “I am sorry to say that quite a few people are encouraging Imran. It is not just the OIC, but here is George Galloway‏ declaring that Imran has handled the crisis with India in an exemplary way. He called it a captain’s innings.

“I am hearing too the chatter that India should not mess with Imran because once he gets worked up, he just goes after you… he makes life difficult for you. I say that we need to think. Just see what he has done to the [Nawaz] Sharif family. In fact, the entire opposition there is flaying around hapless. Perhaps, we should not have sent Abhi to bomb. With all this, the world is seeing it as our cowardice that Pakistan wants peace and we don’t.”

Modi, takes a big gulp of gao mutra, and offers, “We are getting them soon. When 36 Rafale jets are for about $9 billion. I would say we should add another 36 to the order. Indeed, after this Abhi experience, I would say, if only I had those Rafale jets.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s