Buying Beautiful Weapons, Wins Friends

Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman (MBS) is meeting his security advisors Dabae Aldhiyb and Jihaz Thaelab aboard his super yacht, Serene, anchored off the Red Sea coast.

A Saudi naval flotilla stands guard.

Both of his advisors were trained at Erik Prince’s Academi, the security company formerly called Blackwater USA… who is brother of U.S. Education Secretary Betsy DeVos.

MBS is more than agitated over the New York Times report that the United States is getting closer to delivering answers for the murder of Washington Post journalist Jamal Khashoggi in 2018.

He angrily stares at the print of that news item and declares, “Indeed, Abu Ivanka [President Trump] is right about the pulp, which calls itself as the New York Times. Yes, horrible and totally dishonest reporting on almost everything they write.”

Aldhiyb seeks permission to speak, and offers, “Your Royal Highness, it is this newspaper’s strategy to keep their liberal base happy. Your Royal Highness, I have learnt that they have added more than 60,000 subscribers just be running lots of Trump stories, almost all of them negative!

“Your Royal Highness is being used by them similarly.

Your Royal Highness, they act like they are sitting in our homes. They lie big time… now this that a year before Jamal’s [Khashoggi] death, Your Royal Highness had told him that if he did not return to the kingdom and cease his silly writing, you would put “a bullet” in him.

“God forbid, Your Royal Highness, they are claiming like they were sitting your ghutra [headdress].”

Thaelab takes his turn seeking permission to speak, and says, “Your Royal Highness, this UN… calls itself United Nations, but really has lost all significance. Your Royal Highness, they too are trying to ride to fame on the UN’s shoulders. Now they are saying that Khashoggi’s death was ‘planned and perpetrated’ by us.”

MBS growls, “I would like to know what are our lobbyists doing. The year before last, we spent more than $27 million on our U.S. lobbying efforts. And this is what we get.

“I am going to do what [Egyptian president] El-Sisi did. He tried to stop his interview on an American TV channel when that failed; he dressed down his lobbyist and terminated the contract.”

Thaelab seeks permission and declares, “Your Royal Highness, indeed this is the way to deal with these people. If they were in Cairo, President El-Sisi would have gotten them hanged!”

MBA speaks again, “We are not going take anything lying down. I am calling Jared [Kushner, the president’s son-in-law and senior adviser]. He will get this nonsense stopped. All these stories that the United States is getting closer to delivering answers to Jamal.”

Aldhiyb seeks permission and states, “Your Royal Highness, may God be Praised, indeed Abu Ivanka is most pleased with you. I am sure Mr. Jared will get things straightened out.

“But Your Royal Highness, you know these Americans have this election problem nonstop. So fearing that Abu Ivanka may be advised to initiate any action, I have compiled this list of criminal lawyers…”

MBS growls again, “Jihaz you are right. It is some pressures that are at play. Even the government-owned radio, Voice of America is saying things against me.”

Aldhyib again seeks permission and offers, “Your Royal Highness, my contacts in America have recommended these lawyers just in case we need them.

“See, there is Shawn Chapman-Holley who was hired by Johnnie Cochran to join the O.J. Simpson defense team.  This is strong!

“We have Gerry Schwartzbach who helped obtain an acquittal for actor Robert Blake, who was charged with killing his wife.

“Truc Do defended James Arthur Ray, the self-help guru, who was convicted of negligent homicide. She helped him avoid a manslaughter conviction.

“These are all lawyers who won cases for people accused for murder. Daniel King defended James Holmes, the Aurora movie shooter, and kept him from receiving death sentence. See this is Jimmy Berry, who has kept more than 50 killers from the death chamber.”

MBS once again growls, “I have to silence this silly talk. I will tell Jared to discuss with Abu Ivanka that we need to buy more weapons. You know Abu Ivanka told me that buying beautiful weapons, wins friends. I will play him for his own words that buying beautiful weapons, wins friends.”

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