Upon hearing that ranchers and farmers are finding prayer rugs along the United States-Mexico border, America’s cream of the conservative crop, Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, Newt Gingrich, and Mike Huckabee sought a meeting with President Trump.
Not only Trump was quick to oblige but he also included Vice President Mike Pence, national security advisor John Bolton, and acting Secretary of Defense Patrick M. Shanahan, in the meeting.
Huckabee initiates the conversation, “Mr. President this Islamic rugs thing is evidence that proves your assertion that migrants from Islamic terrorist hotbed nations in the Middle East are breaking into our country.”
Bolton, ever ready to raise the temperature, adds, “People – the general public – just don’t get the terrorist threats of that. That’s what’s really scary.”
Trump delivers a table-shaking thump, and declares, “The Wall… just see what wonders the Great Wall of China is doing for them. No Mexicans are getting there!”
Gingrich offers another aspect, “Yes, Mr. President, the Wall is do or die for. Remember the Berlin Wall? It held back all those reds in East Germany!
“This prayer rugs thing is really disturbing. But we need to widen our surveillance. No doubt our patriotic farmers and ranchers are doing a great job with arresting these rugs, but we should train them to identify those Islamic prayer beads … You too have seen them in Arab hands.”
Pence offers a deeper Christian view, “I agree, Newt, we need to keep an eye on these beads too. You don’t know what these Islamic terrorists are reading on those beads… certainly not Our Savior, Jesus. I read prayer beads I know.”
Limbaugh, almost screaming, “These beads, they are not plastic or something. These Islamic terrorists could only be carrying camouflaged steel beads. In this age of miniaturization, anything is possible. Who can tell from afar, if these prayer beads… rosaries…”
Pence gruffly interrupts, “Rush, don’t call them rosary. Rosaries can only be Christian.”
Limbaugh continues, “I would say Mr. President, we need to get the CIA on this beads thing.”
Trump, almost staring at Limbaugh, reminds, “CIA … are you serious Rush. Did you forget that trouble they were putting this great customer of ours… MBS was so upset that he woke me up like 2 a.m., when the CIA started their tattling against him. I offered him another fifty-two F35 fighters, and he was ecstatic. He said that he would send me a signed blank sheet to get the contract typed up.”
Huckabee, gritting his teeth, “Mr. President, we will not spare these lying, greedy, malicious vermin. You don’t know what’s coming across. Yes, the next thing will be these Britons. This economically suffering nuclear-armed state with history of multiple wars is facing dire straits. We should have sent our National Guards to help [prime minister] May to enforce the Brexit. We can’t allow Europe to unite!”
Gingrich concurs, “Indeed a united Europe is dangerous. And don’t forget that this Islamic Turkey also calls itself European. And there we have May and her rickety coalition government losing two prime ministers in three years owing to fragile democracy held hostage by these liberal extremists… Jeremy Corbin and his commies.”
Pence rests his rosary, and offers, “Mr. President we know that some EU ministers skipped our Iran summit. This was a blow to our efforts to get Europe on board to pressure Tehran. This is bad news for the only democracy there, Israel.”
Trump once again bangs both fists and growls, “Nancy [Pelosi] and her gang… this communist from New York, whatever her name. When will they understand that an unprotected border ushers in a floodgate of not only criminal drug dealers from Mexico and Central America, but also of migrants from terrorist hotbeds in the Middle East, as well.
“DHS [U.S. Department of Homeland Security] Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen told me that thousands of terrorists have penetrated the U.S. – yes multitudes of Islamic militants are infiltrating the country because America does not have a secure border wall.”
Glen Beck offers, “You all saw Nielsen telling Fox News that to pretend there’s not a danger on an unsecured border – on an open border – is just ridiculous. It belies common sense.”
Gingrich says, “Mr. President, we need to press this thing on prayer rugs… who knows they are Iranian… they have a big carpet setup. We have to go after these prayer beads too… surely these must be weaponized. Never forget that Muslims praying are a threat to civilization.”
“Its good that your State of Union is coming up. Let the rugs and beads thing ring out loud. Let Americans know that prayer rugs are associated with terrible people. Let the American people know that Muslim terrorists dragged their prayer rugs 2,000 mikes through Central America and Mexico. Yeah people with prayer rugs are committing crimes everyday.
“Prayer rugs are a threat to America’s whiteness!
“Everyone with a prayer rug or those prayer beads must be thrown in a cage.
“Only the Wall can save us. The American people must be told that the United States must stand its ground.”