President Trump is meeting with Vice President Mike Pence, national security advisor John Bolton and Fox TV’s Sean Hannity to discuss the situation with the government shutdown.
Hannity starts the conversation, “Mr. President, you see the crazy Democrats shouting that some 800,000 federal workers are affected by the shutdown showdown. But aren’t we like 327 million Americans and this 800,000 is not even a million.
“Mr. President, it is simply a Democratic scare tactic.”
Trump declares, “Sean, you are right as ever! I paid for this enormous meal… there was more than 1,000 hamburgers and pizza. Yes, Cryin Chuck [Schumer] and Nancy [Pelosi] thought that due to the government shutdown, I’ll send them [Clemson team] without a meal.”
With the White House staff not on the job due to the shutdown, Pence walks in with a tray of four McDonalds Double Bacon Smokehouse Burgers, fries and Coke. This being done, he resumes his rosary.
Trump, grabbing a Double Bacon, continues, “You all remember Churchill’s famous words, ‘Thank God. If the courts are working, nothing can go wrong.’ Yes… yes… Melania was kind of worried about this dinner… but no! I asked Madeleine [Elise Westerhout, the personal secretary] is McDonalds open… because if McDonalds is open then nothing is gone wrong with America. Within one hour, it was all gone. Great guys and big eaters!
“Oh, I am not endorsing just one, because we also had Wendy’s and Burger King with some pizza.’
Bolton interrupts, “Mr. President, I hate it… these Democrats making all this fuss of a little government shutdown. I say that now’s time to start a war. Iraq’s gone! Libya’s done! Syria’s is dead! MbS [Saudi crown prince Mohammad Bin Salman] has taken Yemen. I say and keep sayin’ that Iran is open. We got to have a war and this is the best time! The Democrats are busy with their crazy shutdown… yes, no one would care about Iran… there won’t even be the faintest murmur if we go to war against Iran.”
Trump declares, “I have a beautiful long shutdown that will smoke out their resistance.
“Sean, you know why I fed them hamburgers! I could have ordered a Chinese takeout. No, I served fast-food to highlight the shutdown. Never underestimate Trump. I am the king of trolls. See how I used them… and they gobbled down my 1000 burgers!
“I made America see ‘Oh woe is me! The shutdown is so bad that I have to feed these great athletes cheap fast food.” … And it is all because of Chuck and Nancy… this shutdown is their work… the Democrats.”
Pence rests his rosary on the table and offers, “Evil thy name is the liberal media… they are saying that it was 300 hamburgers…”
Trump interrupts Pence, “Nah, I counted them all because it was I who was paying for them.
“Sean, you know this media. They see 3,000,000 murderers and they call them 10,000 asylum seekers.
“The same lyin’ media… the same Amazon Washington Post… they are saying that I couldn’t pay for a decent caterer to feed the national champions. I know how to spend money where it matters. So aren’t they Clemson? Definitely, they aren’t Stormy Daniels [the prostitute he paid $130,000 for a session].
“I want my wall…. My wall… The Donald J. Trump Wall!”
Bolton offers, “Mr. President, yes, we all pray to the Savior for that Wall… here is our Vice President on his rosary. But I have the solution… indeed not just one wall, but we also need another wall… one on the moon! China you know has taken the dark side of the moon, and we have the white side. We need our wall to contain the Chinese.”
Trump growls, “With these Dems running wild, John what is your solution?”
Bolton lays out his plan, “Mr. President to get our walls, first we need to start a war with Iran. The day the war starts, you will announce that we need to build this wall immediately to block the Iranians from invading our beautiful United States of America from the south!
“In this same proclamation, we will also declare that we also need to build the wall on the moon right away because China, which already has that Great Wall of China, has landed on the moon’s dark side… of course, I can’t mention the ‘N’ word here!”
All arise, giving thumbs up to Bolton, while Trump declares, “We have it! Off with these whining Democrats!”