It is election year in India and prime minister Narendra Modi is not in a mood for anything jarring. He already has had a meltdown when Bangladesh prime minister Sheikh Hasina Wajid and her National Awami Party, fell a trifle short of the one hundred percent parliamentary majority that he had desired for them.
Earlier he had summoned foreign minister Sushma Swaraj, defense minister Nirmala Sitharaman, interior minister Rajnath Singh, chief of the army staff General Bipin Rawat, and intelligence chief Anil Dhasmana for a meeting on this affair.
Following President Donald Trump’s comments mocking India for funding a library in Afghanistan, while stating that he wants a “great relationship” with Pakistan and is looking forward to meeting the country’s new leadership, an angered Modi called back the same group for another discussion.
His glass of his favorite beverage, gao mutra (cow urine), has had its third refill.
The prime minister growls, “This is what you get for $3 billion [in development assistance to Afghanistan]… and a taunt that it is equal to what America spends in five hours! What nonsense. They don’t have engineers and scientists. Our Indians are running their technology… Satya Nadella is running Microsoft… Sundar Pichai runs Google… I mean we are running ten of their global technology giants… and Trump says who is using our libraries in Afghanistan.
“Sushma, this is your area, now before the elections, Trump has created another hurdle for us… he wants to meet Imran Khan.
“No Sushma, not just that, but Anil, you too… why did Trump had to get Imran Khan’s help to have peace talks with the Taliban? Where does our $3 billion figure? What were your people doing in Afghanistan, Anil what were they up to? They couldn’t be eating kababs… our mother, the cow.
“Sushma, we have to ask [Indian ambassador] Navtej Sarna what he is doing in Washington, D.C.? Why [Secretary of State Mike] Pompeo was not told that India plays a significant role as a development partner in Afghanistan with projects aimed at achieving a tangible improvement in the lives of its people. What has Pakistan done?
“I am very worried if Trump invites Imran Khan before our elections, it will be bad. You know how we love cricket in India and Imran goes to Washington, D.C., and the Indians will be glued to their TV sets as if Imran Khan has gone to play cricket with Trump.
“It was going so smoothly for us. Trump not only cut Pakistan’s $1.3 billion aid but also scolded them that they haven’t been fair to America. Not only that, don’t you remember that he also said that they had foolishly given Pakistan more than 33 billion dollars in aid over the last 15 years?
“Yes, this was all my effort. When I met with Trump, I constantly kept telling him that I have built a library in Afghanistan. Imagine the positive effect all our Indian romance novels are having on Afghan minds. And now this Trump turns around and tells us, ‘Oh, thank you for the library. I don´t know who´s using it in Afghanistan’.
“Sushma, we have to do something to stop American advances toward Pakistan.”
Interior minister Rajnath Singh quickly states, “Our dear Pradhan Mantri… our prime minister… may your reign over India forever. I am equally concerned over this American move. You see that Trump wants to get out of Afghanistan so he can use the savings to do his beloved project, the wall with Mexico. He can go any length for it. I tell you the moment Trump settles with the Taliban, Imran Khan will call him, hey Donald, I helped you with the Taliban, now you help me with Kashmir.”
Modi, nearly falling out of his seat, hurriedly returns his glass of gao mutra to the table, and calls the attention of the chief of the army staff General Bipin Rawat, “Bipin, yes, but Sushma first, Sushma, we need to remind Trump about our $250 billion plan to modernize our military. Yes, now Bipin, how much more arms we can buy from Trump? We will meet tomorrow and you come up with the numbers, India cannot allow Trump to invite Imran Khan.”