Once again, Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman (MBS) has summoned his security advisors Dabae Aldhiyb and Jihaz Thaelab to meet him on his super yacht, Serene.
Both advisors trained at Erik Prince’s Academi, the security company formerly called Blackwater USA… who is brother of U.S. Education Secretary Betsy DeVos.
The prince is visibly angered after learning that while Netflix took down offending episode of “Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj” in Saudi Arabia but people were able to watch it on YouTube.
The prince growls, “Dabae and Jihaz did you see what these double-crossing Netflix people did? They only blocked it in our kingdom! They even did not block it on YouTube. I need to remind them that they are… I mean teach this Pakistani or Indian or whatever… this Hasan [Minhaj] is that no one can say word against me.”
Aldhiyb submits, “Your Royal Highness, indeed what Netflix has done is terrible. But why did they hire this TCN [third country national]… couldn’t they find any Americans!
“Your Royal Highness, we should invite these Netflix people to show them how we handle these TCNs. Our labor housing is the best for these no good people.”
Thaelab offers, “Your Royal Highness, I would venture to propose that His Excellency Abdullah Alswaha [minister of communication and information technology] should ask the Americans to extradite this Pakistani… this pest who is calling himself an American… so we can try him under our cybercrime law. Doesn’t this pest know where is [human rights defender] Mohammed al-Otaibi… resting in jail for 14 years!
“Did you see the tweet this little Pakistani was doing that ‘Clearly, the best way to stop people from watching something is to ban it, make it trend online, and then leave it up on YouTube.’”
MBS, bangs the table hard, and whispers, “I wish our dearest Abu Ivanka [President Trump] was in a better situation. What asking him… he would have shipped this little pest to Riyadh even without my asking.
“Both of you have trained with my brother Erik [Prince] and you know America. You know what reports we are getting that Abu Ivanka’s supporters are saying that they have no idea who this person is or have even heard of his show. They are even calling people who want to close their Netflix account with their outrage a bunch of snowflakes.
“You know we are moving in the right direction over this Jamal [Khashoggi] thing.
The trial will get the 11 people involved in the project out of the way… heads gone!
“And our multibillion dollar arms order is doing the talking. God bless, our Abu Ivanka has shut up his own CIA… his own party’s senators, and everyone.
“We need to get Netflix to learn… when we asked them to drop it, they should have killed that episode instead of this partial thing. I am going to double the royalty that they are getting from us. That is surely going to put their heads in the right place.
“Everything is going smoothly. Now Dabae and Jihaz we need to get this little Pakistani off the map… he did not exist! He can do his act in hell!”
Aldhiyb speaks, “Your Royal Highness, as you have seen our consulate in Istanbul has mastered this art… Jamal is not even hot air!”
MBS, finally a smile on his face, asks, “Dabae, you are saying we give him the Jamal treatment… may be a barbecue for this pest. Why waste any acid on him.”
Aldhiyb speaks again, “Your Royal Highness, I am saying that our Istanbul consulate has done it and they know how to do things.”
Thaelab offers, “Your Royal Highness, my brother Dabae has the right idea. But I fear that this little Pakistani or whatever he is may balk at the idea of visiting our consulate in Istanbul.
“Your Royal Highness, I would humbly suggest we use our resources. We can ask our Association for the Protection and Defense of Women’s Rights to invite this man’s mother for umrah…”
MBS intervenes, “What! Really we reward this pest’s mother with a royal umrah trip!”
Thaelab continues, “Your Royal Highness, I have a plan… you know when his mother will go our consulate for visa. They will say that she needs a blood relation male to accompany her… of course her son, this pest! So now when we have him in our kingdom, we can do so many things. I would suggest that we make excellent arrangement for both, the son and the mother.
“Your Royal Highness and my brother Dabae, just envision it…
“We will have a contingent of men there and at the word go, they will cause an accident and you will see that both mother and son will be gone in a couple minutes… say thirty minutes… crushed under the weight of one hundred men. A historic stampede it will be!”
MBS, finally relaxed, lifts his qahwa and getting up from his seat, adds, “The Saudis will get to know that they should give no mind to fake Pakistani patriots.”