Providing Relief Only to the Masses is a Conspiracy Against the Real Politicians

The three times former prime minister and perpetual head of the eponymous faction of Pakistan Muslim League, Nawaz Sharif and former president and Pakistan People’s Party co-chairman Asif Ali Zardari have instructed their spokespersons Marriyum Aurangzeb and Farhatullah Babar to deny the news that any contact was established between them.

Zardari and his son, Bilawal Bhutto Zardari had called on Opposition Leader in the National Assembly Shehbaz Sharif, where the two sides exchanged views on political situation of the country.

Zardari, who is now meeting Nawaz Sharif, cautions, “My brother Nawaz once you had friends in Saudi Arabia. I have no complaints although you never passed me some of the spare designer watches they gave you.

“The big danger is that I am hearing that during his trip to Saudi Arabia, Imran Khan intently discussed how those holed up in Ritz Carlton hotel paid up.

“Right now I am feeling like that goat before slaughter, whose legs are tied and the butcher is ready to slit the throat, and the only thing left for the poor soul is to cry aloud.”

Nawaz Sharif speaks, “All the time, Imran Khan is saying that he will provide relief to the masses. He is even setting up a poverty alleviation unit at his office, to be headed by a special assistant.

“You know, my daughter, her husband, and I have spent time behind bars too. And you look like you have not slept properly for three months.

“Is this relief?”

“No, my dear brother Nawaz, this is suffocation. A little while ago, I mentioned people being locked up in Ritz-Carlton and being made to pay. This is my worry. Asif Zardari and his money cannot be parted.”

Nawaz Sharif counters, “What are you saying, my brother. You are much better off. Nothing came up about you in the Panama Papers. I wish, I had asked about who was handling your offshore accounts. And you know that the Supreme Court has ordered NAB [National Accountability Bureau] to conclude my cases… you know this thing started last year on September 14. You can imagine the stress.”

Zardari responds, “Yes, I can very well understand. You know I let out my steam. Not only, I berated the generals but also the judges.

“Yes, we helped to get Shahbaz, chairmanship of the parliamentary accountability committee, but Imran Khan’s people are brainwashing the masses that those who looted Pakistan are being respected.

“My dear brother… [he guffaws]… did you hear that! Imran Khan is asking the election commission to de-seat me because I did not declare one condominium in New York. Now imagine their efficiency… their investigation… am I so cheap to have just one undeclared property!”

Nawaz Sharif adds, “I don’t know about this declared and undeclared. How can you say anything about something that is another name.”

Zardari declares, “Absolutely no sense of privacy. They broke peoples’ hearts by publicizing their bank accounts that I had created. Did they really had to go and question them?”

Nawaz continues, “Yes… absolutely nothing… no compassion. Now they are saying our Ishaq Dar will return and he will have to return the money. My brother, you know, Ishaq Dar’s son is married to my younger daughter. This is my little girl’s money!

“My brother Asif, you are an NRO [National Reconciliation Ordinance] expert. How does that work?”

Zardari, re-fixes his smile, and informs, “No my brother it is not simple. You think that it is simple, and you have your daughter. You know this feminism thing in America… luckily I had Benazir. Yes, but you also need a George Bush and a General Musharraf. I got both Bush and Musharraf pressured. And Musharraf was so easy to melt, especially after he has had his drinks.”

Nawaz goes silent for bit and says, “What about your other expertise… using the health card… will the bad health excuse work?”

Zardari, almost in a whisper, “What do you think, am I not thinking of medical certificates, but now greater danger lurks, my dear brother. They may not let us go to a hospital of our choice. They may say, take this Sehat Insaf Card [health care card] and let a doctor set you right.”

Nawaz sighs and adds, “So you don’t see any hope for relief. Somebody go tell Imran Khan that providing relief only to the masses is a conspiracy against the real politicians.”

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