DJ Poodleberger, president of Poodleberger & Snoutstein Consultancy, and Ripp Effluenstein, president of Weapons Manufacturers of America United (WMAU), are meeting at Washington, D.C.’s fashionable Z Street, N.W. eatery Phacochoerus Africanus, the house of the much-favored warthog chops.
WMAU has sought the consultancy’s help in lobbying Congress that there should be no let in arms exports to Saudi Arabia.
Effluenstein, lauding the consultancy’s work in separating the Yemen war from Saudi arms sales, says, “DJ, all of us at WMAU are really thankful to you for keeping Congress by our side. Your advice to hire Throm was excellent. His television onslaught with these 7 second infomercials has flattened the moral brigade.”
Poodleberger, miming as if he is tipping his hat, “Thank you. We have lots of work ahead. Thanks heaven that the Democrats don’t have the numbers in the Senate. MbS [Saudi crown prince Mohammed Bin Salman] did order $110 billion weapons immediately, and $350 billion over 10 years, but as Trump said that Saudis haven’t done all of that first order till now.
“This Khashoggi thing is going smoothly. Great. We have sane heads running the show. You heard [U.S. Secretary of State Mike] Pompeo that there is “no direct evidence” that connects MbS to this murder.
“But I wonder why business friendly Wall Street Journal would publish this CIA report that MbS sent at least 11 messages to his closest adviser, who oversaw the team that killed Khashoggi, in the hours before and after the journalist’s death.”
Effluenstein adds, “Of course, Trump disputes this report.
“Surely, the Saudis are working with a good PR agency and have given contradictory explanations for the death and denied that MbS knew of it.
“We are right that please show us the proof you have that he is guilty. All this has been nothing but conjecture so far!
“No sir, we can’t starve our weapons manufacturers. We are giving hundreds of thousands Americans jobs.
“I would say that it is good for us and good for America that this murder story is alive. The more it is aired, the more weapons will get ordered. And the personal security that MbS and his group are using… real American security!
“Did you see that in Buenos Aires [G20 meeting] both [French president Emmanuel] Macron and [British prime minister Theresa] May confronted MbS… They’ll be getting fresh orders… And Putin… how he was giving MbS a high five… sure orders for him too.”
Poodleberger offers, “Ripp, don’t give them any mind. It is us… it is us, the United States that will get all the big sales. Trump’s told them that they can’t last much without us.
“No reason to worry. The Yemen thing is going fine too. You too must’ve seen the statement of Kamel Jendoubi who heads the UN’s so-called Group of Independent Eminent International and Regional Experts. He didn’t blame MbS or us or the U.K. He said they had reasonable grounds to believe that the parties to the armed conflict in Yemen have committed a substantial number of violations of international humanitarian law.
“So, no one is choking our arms sales there. This sector has grown since 2015.
“You remember how the liberal media was bloating that MbS was facing political exile over this Khashoggi thing, instead he was embraced by so many world leaders at the G20 Summit.
“I really likes Pompeo’s statement that ‘[A]ll across the United States government we continue to investigate, to try and learn, to make determinations about what happened, and we’ll continue to hold those responsible accountable. We’ve been very clear, very clear about that since literally the very beginning.’
“We must say that Trump has chosen well… admiration is due! Pompeo’s just destroyed the moral brigade that there’s no direct evidence linking MbS to the murder. He said that he has read every piece of intelligence that is in the possession of the United States government, and there no evidence connecting MbS to the murder.”
Effluenstein adds, “DJ, of course all this is good news but we need more orders… we need orders 24x7x365. We need to tell MbS to widen Yemen with our beautiful arms!
“We have to keep America beautiful by selling more beautiful arms.”