Indian prime minister Narendra Modi has summoned an emergency meeting, inviting foreign minister Sushma Swaraj, defense minister Nirmala Sitharaman, and the minister of state for information and broadcasting Col. Rajyavardhan Singh Rathore, to discuss the implications of Gurudwara Kartarpur Sahib Corridor, which he sees as a Pakistani initiative.
The prime minister has arranged a round of his favorite beverage, gao mutra (cow urine).
Col. Rathore speaks out hurriedly, “I have sent a press advice that the corridor will be either called Dera Baba Nanak Corridor or Gurdaspur Corridor. And there would be no mention of Gurdwara Kartarpur Sahib in Pakistan.”
Modi, nursing his drink, adds, “I mean we tried to upstage them and sent our [vice-president] Venkaiah Naidu to lay the corridor foundation stone before Imran Khan. But it looks like that we are being upstaged.
“Imran has found his useful idiot,” declares Col. Rathore, and adds, “You know that in Pakistan, they call them lota… a vessel ready to wash any bottom… Navjot Singh Sidhu. [Punjab chief minister] Captain Amarinder Singh told him not to go to Pakistan… look he is a minister… minister of local government, tourism, and cultural affairs of Punjab.
“Not only, is he there but acting like Bollywood star, appearing on TV shows… calling Imran an angel… saying that Imran plays on the front foot… whatever that means.
“You know his character. He was on our party seat for ten years [2004 to 2014]… we nominated him for the [upper house] Rajya Sabha [in 2016], and he joins Congress Party and retains the seat for them.
“This is not excuse that he is friends with Imran since his cricketing days. But what he tells people that they became friends after Imran’s fast delivery hit him hard in his stomach.”
Swaraj speaks out, “I think that Navjot is dreaming that if cricketer Imran can become prime minister, he too can do it… he using this corridor as his golden key to this way.”
Modi quickly thunders, “No way! India forever will be ruled by the real Hindus… our Bharatiya Janata Party.
“But I see this corridor as part of an evil Pakistani scheme. You know that these Sikhs have dragged us into this because they want to walk from Dera Baba Nanak to Kartarpur Sahib [in Pakistan].
“You saw what [Punjab minister Sukhjinder Singh] Randhawa did… he blacked out his own and other Punjab ministers’ names on the foundation stone to protest the names of our party’s leaders on the foundation stone.
“I don’t believe the Pakistani propaganda that opening Kartarpura corridor is a principled position based on simply doing what is right, simply to allow people access to their holy places.
“No sir! It is part of their strategy of destabilizing our homeland, using a combination of Khalistani extremists and Kashmiri terrorists to target Punjab.”
Defense minister Sitharaman, seconding her boss, “Yes, Modiji, you said it right. We should never forget that their army chief [Gen. Qamar Javed Bajwa] renewed this proposal in August for providing visa-free access to Sikh pilgrims when Imran Khan invited Navjot to his oath taking.”
Modi offers, “This man… Imran is trying to bowl a googly… he is one of those kind who have not forgotten that we snatched East Pakistan from them, so they feel that they should help create Khalistan.”
Col. Rathore informs, “Yes, Modiji, you spoke right, but just a sort of update, Imran was a fast bowler, and it is only right-arm leg spinners who can deliver this deceptive delivery. He is actually to trying to outdo us with his bouncers!
“We must all keep an eye on this corridor because the referendum 2020 is focused on the demand to make Punjab independent.
“Sikhs For Justice is targeting Toronto, Montreal, Calgary, Edmonton and Vancouver to join some 100 cities worldwide where Sikhs will be polled to assess the appetite for an independent Khalistan, before presenting its case for a binding referendum to the UN. It is a pretext to radicalize Sikh youth, both in Punjab and abroad. And this useful idiot, Navjot generated positive reviews about this corridor after his return.”
“Already, some Pakistanis are planting stories that when we helped create Bangla Desh in East Pakistan, why are we holding West Bengal.
“Someone needs to remind Navjot that Imran used to play cricket with Nawaz too and what he did to him!”
“You heard it too their railways has offered 10 acres each in Kartarpur and in Nankana Sahib and five acres in Narowal to Sikh organizations for building five-star hotels for their pilgrims. Trains would run from Nankana Sahib to Kartarpur and hostels would be constructed near all pilgrimage sites. These will be terrorist training centers.
“We should be careful because this corridor will allow unhindered access of Pakistani agents to influence the Sikh youth to join the Khalistan movement, leading to a dangerous situation, which may lead to sectarian tensions or worse, a civil war.”
The prime minister, winding up the meeting, informs, “Don’t worry, we have Baluchistan going on. If Imran Khan thinks that he has Navjot, then we have many of Pakistan’s useful idiots working for us since long. We have Americans working there. Never forget that the United States keeps repeating ‘do more’ to Pakistan. Also, I will call Donald Trump and offer to buy more of his weapons, and then present this scenario that Pakistan is scheming. India has the money to buy anyone, including American presidents.”