It is 100 Days Without a Penny Earned

Maulana Fazalur Rehman, president of his eponymous faction of the Jamiat Ulema-i Islam, and president of Muttahida Majlis-e-Amal, has called former president of Pakistan Asif Zardari, who is also co-chairman of the Pakistan Peoples Party, and the three times former prime minister Nawaz Sharif, who is also the perpetual president of his eponymous faction of the Pakistan Muslim League.

It has been 100 days without him having any diesel import permits to sell.

The Maulana bursts out, “My brothers, what is happening! Why is God punishing us and for what? There is no real democracy in Pakistan, where is the mandate of the Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaf government… Imran Khan has no moral right to rule the country. He has virtually converted into a slave of international lenders.

“I can hardly sleep… I keep thinking when my sister Benazir [Bhutto] ruled, when my brother Nawaz ruled, when my brother Asif ruled… (sighs) ah the diesel licenses… how I miss the ministerial lane bungalow number 22.

“The country had aplenty… loans were flowing from the World Bank… IMF… wherever.

“My brother Asif, just think what you did. Your Aitzaz Ahsan was just your party’s candidate for president, but I was the candidate of all the opposition parties… we lost due to this conflict. Of course then it would have been a different scenario… now this is parliament with a stolen mandate. In fact, the moment I lost, this parliament’s legitimacy died. How can we be an independent country when a puppet runs it… Imran Khan is bad news. What diesel permits! Imran Khan has not even asked me if I would like permits to sell hot air!”

Zardari offers, “Maulana, not just me and our brother Nawaz agree with what you said just now. I got speeches written in Romanized Urdu for Bilawal, Bakhtawar and Aseefa… You see, our communications and marketing consultants suggested that we employ the classic Goebbelsian approach. Repeat a lie, till it becomes a fact! Bilawal punched him with the ‘selected’ label. Now both of my daughters have flayed Imran’s government over its dismal performance during its first 100 days. Talk about 100 days to me… really ten days… how the funds had started flowing into my offshore accounts.

“Bakhtawar put it so beautifully that the poor’s homes have been bulldozed, livelihoods destroyed, and thousands out of jobs all under his anti-encroachment but Bani Gala still stands… Is his Bani Gala like Bilawal House Karachi? Has any Benazir lived there? No. Never.

“I mean, see the beauty of our Bilawal House in Karachi… I mean your presence must be felt. The closure of the main road causes problems for residents of the area who are encountering difficulties in going to a particular hospital and to go to shops as well as eateries located on the other side of the road… the neighboring houses are under control… it is worth just Rs. three million!”

Nawaz Sharif adds his frustration, “My information minister Maryam Aurangzeb put it so boldly that the Imran government has nothing to show for these 100 days other than their incompetence and inability.”

Zardari quickly adds, “Indeed similarly, my Dr. Nafisa Shah declared that the first 100 days of the PTI government had set an example of bad governance.

“Instead of honorably borrowing, he went begging from country to country.”

The Maulana joins the conversation, “My brothers, yes, all of us are contributing our efforts but this Imran Khan is stealing our vote banks…”

Zardari angrily declares, “This tents and bedding and food for the homeless… the roti, kapra and makan… this was our lifeblood of politics… Imran stole it. Look even my most loyal Aitzaz had to say publicly that this care for homeless is something that will wipe out any of Imran’s mistakes.”

The Maulana continues, “This Kartarpur corridor… it has stolen India’s thunder. Did you hear what [former cricketer] Navjot Singh Sidhu said? God forbid… He called Imran an angel, and that by bowling first, he had won.

“This is not all, Imran is dominating peoples minds and hearts with his anti-encroachment drives, his shelter homes, his effective foreign policy, his 10 billion tree project, his Pakistan Citizen Portal, his Insaf Homes Program… he has reduced government expenditure. I hear that even liberals are applauding his tents for homeless program…

“This is very disturbing. Luckily, he has stopped the generous advertising support to the media, which was being given under both of you, so the media is on our side. All we need to do is to get the liberals in the media to hit him hard. I find Marvi Sirmid is a useful asset. There are many more. They are used to fattened envelopes, and that hope lies only with us.’

The Maulana sighs and gets off the line saying, ”My dear brothers, Asif and Nawaz, act… it is 100 days without a penny earned.”

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