President Trump is my Colonel Lawrence

President Trump’s statement on standing with Saudi Arabia, and that for him it is only “America First!”, has been welcomed by the Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman (MBS) with relief and indeed jubilation.

The report that the CIA had concluded that he had ordered the assassination of journalist Jamal Khashoggi in Istanbul, had created a stir in Riyadh, and MBS had called Jared Kushner [President Trump’s son-in-law], whom he considers a bosom friend rather a brother, only to be told that he may be out of favor.

Today’s call is a call of jubilation. Like before, today too he has brought Kushner and his younger brother, Prince Khalid bin Salman, the kingdom’s ambassador in Washington, D.C., on secured video-link.

MBS blurts out excitedly, “Jared… Jared, my brother, you really scared the life out of me that our Abu Ivanka [President Trump], whom you call Dad, was thinking of putting me aside… don’t people die everyday.

“God be praised… I just got out depression upon learning from [brother] Khalid that our Abu Ivanka has issued the statement in my favor. Thank you for putting a kind word for me.

“You can’t understand how worried, I was… when the bad news would come… already my uncle Ahmed was making rounds of the city. I mean he is 76 and still wants to be king.

“Jared, after Abu Ivanka, only my father [King Salman] was standing for me. I just read the full statement. God bless Abu Ivanka. God bless America. My dear Jared, you know that I have and I am doing everything to secure the kingdom for America.

“I really love that he has reminded the people that I will spend and invest $450 billion in the United States. He is right that it will create hundreds of thousands of jobs, tremendous economic development, and much additional wealth for the United States… of course more votes for him. What is 2020! I see 2024, 2028, 2032…

“Jared, please ask him if I can come next week. Last time, I pledged $450 billion, of which $110 billion, we will use on purchase of military equipment from America’s finest… Boeing, Lockheed Martin, Raytheon and many other defense contractors.

“Jared, you can tell him, never to worry that I will spend even a penny with Russia and China. While I was talking to you, I have texted that all Chinese restaurants across the kingdom will be shut down immediately. Absolutely there will be no business with the Chinese. Any way, I have no taste for noodles, I go for our Texas stakes… the rare the better!

“God bless our Abu Ivanka. I love his words that the United States intends to remain a steadfast partner of Saudi Arabia to ensure the interests of our country, Israel and all other partners in the region.

“God be pleased with him. I know how Abu Ivanka loves lower oil prices. It is now $54 a barrel, down from $82… I know that he thanked me and said ‘but let’s go lower!’ No problem. I will bring it down to $10… what is few coins between friends.

“Jared, you know I don’t read reports and the stuff because I don’t need to. I am the ruler and I know all what I do is best! So then how are saying that I was involved in the Khashoggi thing.

“I know, you have sanctioned 17 Saudis because of the Khashoggi thing. You know one of that group, has already died in a car accident. I know some in America don’t like hearing about heads been lopped off, so we will have a few more car accidents… a few heart attacks. No stories to tell.

“God be praised, Abu Ivanka knows that fiends like this Khashoggi were impediments to our fight against Iran… our fight against terrorism… our fight for Israel.

“My brother Jared, I was very worried that some members of the House of Saud, trying to keep American politicians happy were seeking to find an alternative successor to the throne and prevent me from becoming king.

“I mentioned a minute ago, my uncle Ahmed, being the younger full brother of father [King Salman] was the preferred candidate for the throne. In fact, he had flirted with power in London in October and had distanced himself from us over the Khashoggi thing. He is my greatest danger. Not only, he one of only three people on the Allegiance Council, made up of our family’s senior members, but he also opposed my becoming crown prince in 2017. And this nosey Erdogan and his tapes and all that. So Jared, you can see, your father-in-law is like my guardian angel.

“I pray that he gets more than two terms. Now that you control the Senate, they can amend the Constitution. God be praised, we don’t have problems like constitution or parliament. God be praised.”

As Kushner sets to leave, MBS offers, “Jared, really Abu Ivanka is to me what Colonel Lawrence was to my [ibn Saud] grandfather… the bestower of our crown. God be praised. President Trump is my Colonel Lawrence.”

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