Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi has convened an emergency meeting to find an alternate after President Donald Trump declined India’s invitation to be the guest of honor at the country’s January 26, Republic Day parade, which commemorates the day India’s constitution came into effect in 1950.
Present are foreign minister Sushma Swaraj, defense minister Nirmala Sitharaman, minister for culture Dr. Mahesh Sharma, and information minister Col. Rajyavardhan Singh Rathore.
Modi has a glass of his favorite drink, the ubiquitous gao muttar [cow urine] in front of him.
The prime minister opines, “I never knew that Trump is such a crybaby that I place a $5 billion order for the Russian S-400 missile system with [President Vladimir] Putin that he starts pouting.”
Defense minister Sitharaman agrees, “You are absolutely right, when we already inked a $12 billion contract with him, which includes $4.7 billion for C 17 transport aircraft, plus another $2 billion for armed Predator drones.”
Information minister Col. Rathore booms, “He doesn’t even know how to make lame excuses… he says, he has to deliver his state of the union address on the same day… oh come, someone writes and loads it on his teleprompter!
“Although I still believe that [former President Barrack] Obama is a Muslim, but even he did not decline our invitation, and in fact postponed his [SOTU] address due to the clash of dates and attended our parade in 2015.”
Minister for culture Dr. Sharma offers, “Probably his embassy here did not tell him that [French President Francois] Hollande and [Japanese Prime Minister] Shinzo Abe… [Nicolas Sarkozy], Putin, Mandela, [John] Major, Mohammed Khatami and [Jacques] Chirac… have attended our parades.
“Is he angry over our small purchase from Putin or he considers that it is an affront that we continue to buy Iranian oil. Our Pradhan Mantri (prime minister) is right… Trump is just a crybaby!
“He should be told that it is India Shining. We cannot take such an affront.
“I would say that we advertise internationally and dozens will be lining up to be chief guests.”
Modi reassures them India will surely find a chief guest.
The defense minister, sitting up, offers angrily, “Our $15 billion strategic partnership program to build 116 new fighters in India has two American contenders — Boeing with their F/A 18 and Lockheed Martin with the F 16. We should tell Trump that there are European contenders too!
“They are wagging their tails at the smell of our money!”
Sharma declares, “I suspect that Trump was thinking that we will take him to our Statue of Unity [the 600 foot tall $430 million tribute to Sardar Vallabhbhai Patel], which is nearly twice as tall as New York’s Statue of Liberty.
“We know he is constantly teased for being tiny.
“We don’t need Trump. I say we invite [Myanmar state counselor, a position akin to a prime minister] Suu Kyi. She is a Nobel Peace Prize laureate. Not just that, she is leader of the National League for Democracy but also she has excellent credentials the way she has expelled Muslims (Rohingya) from her country… her heart beats with us… the way her army and people are killing them … she has dismantled their citizenship too…”
Modi takes a deep sip of his favorite drink, raises his glass and says, “This is an excellent suggestion. We will not only take her to the Unity Monument but also to the Babri Masjid that we destroyed…”
The defense minister interrupts his boss, “I will arrange a special trip to Kashmir to show her how we kill Muslim there.”
The prime minister springs from seats, waving his fresh glass of gao mutra, and announces, “Yes, our Republic Day will be a Destroy a Muslim Day.”