We Will Not Let Anyone Jeopardize Our Ascent to Field Marshals

The news was disturbing enough that the American Secretary of State Mike Pompeo had to personally stave off his staff’s objections over continued military support for Saudi Arabia’s war in Yemen, to move the United Arab Emirates Crown Prince Sheikh Mohammed bin Zayed Al Nahyan (MbZ) to immediately fly to Riyadh to meet with the Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad Bin Salman (MBS), who is also the first deputy prime minister, minister of defense, and president of the Council for Economic and Development Affairs.

Neglecting their security personnel’s advice, they decided to ride together to MBS’s secretariat.

The discussion started right away, with the Saudi prince leading the way, “God be praised, our personal ties with our Abu Ivanka…our President Trump continue to bear results.”

MbZ, supporting his host’s assertion added, “Indeed, our Abu Ivanka is a great statesman. He has chosen the right team. Pompeo has run the CIA; he knows.”

MBS concurred, “You are right. Whatever the media may say but it is Pompeo’s wisdom that he knows any cutoff could jeopardize their $2 billion in weapons sales to us. Abu Ivanka has to keep factories running with all the fuss going around him.”

MBS offered, “My brother, both of us need to really boost our lobbying efforts in Washington, D.C. Now we have this bipartisan group in Congress trying to cut off military aid for both of us. We need to get the message across that in Yemen we are fighting against Iran.”

MbZ lights up, “You are on spot my brother. This Iran thing will surely get the Republicans drop out of this group, and our battle is won!

Surely our lobbyists can convey to them the number of jobs that depend on just the more than 120,000 precision-guided missiles we have on order.”

MBS adds, “Yes, money talks. It is the UN that is raising the fuss that like 17,000 civilians have been killed or injured in Yemen. I am going to ask out consultants in Washington, D.C., McKinsey about lobbying them.”

MbZ offers his wisdom, “I tell you that Abu Ivanka is our true friend. He is softening them, that he is providing us military training to help minimize civilian deaths.”

MBS guffaws and adds, “And they are still moaning!

“Importantly, our lobbyists have to tell, not just their Congress members but also the public as well that there will be no shortage of gas for their cars because we are making up for the cuts due the sanctions against Iran. Okay, Iranian exports fell by 500,000 barrels a day between April and August. So we increased output by 500,000 barrels a day in August. We are ready to do more and more and more!

“We have let Abu Ivanka know that he alone is the master of both supply and demand.

“With all the fluff going around him. We have to help him when in a few months there will be the American midterm elections. It is a time when oil prices take on outsize political importance because they burn more oil than anyone else. We must get prices down now!”

MbZ declared, “How true are Abu Ivanka’s words that he said in a tweet on the 20th of September, ‘We protect the countries of the Middle East, they would not be safe for very long without us…’

Abu Ivanka is with us. But my brother, you sent Arabiya TV to interview this new Pakistani prime minister, Imran Khan, and what he said that Pakistan wishes to play a role in helping eliminate the tensions in the Muslim world and focus on building understanding between the states. Not just that! He stressed that countries of the Islamic world should not have any differences. Did you note that he also said that conflicts in the Muslim world are weakening us all?

“Not only that, but also in response to the issue of Houthis, he said that he did not believe in the efficacy of a military solution to any conflict. Is he serious!

“Not at all… no … not at all. Certainly Abu Ivanka does not agree and of course prime minister Theresa May hates such talk. Of course, then they won’t be able to sell us their beautiful weapons?”

“And I hear that you have accepted his invitation to visit him too … wow…wow… he will be calling you to that tiny house of his … even our tea boys live better!

“Dangerous my brother dangerous… he is instilling wrong ideas in peoples’ heads. You know in the past these Pakistani prime ministers came, we hosted their entourages of family and friends, gave them a few good watches, and some aid and they carried out our wishes.

“Now Pakistan has this man. I hear that he became famous playing some a sport that no Arab knows about, and he is trying to stop our war!

“I know Abu Ivanka would like us to rank ourselves as five-star generals. But that doesn’t sound so grand. We will do the British way… the way of our benefactors.

“No way! We will not let anyone jeopardize our ascent to field marshals of Yemen!”

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