I Will Eat Him Alive Without Even Putting Ketchup

After the burial of his wife Kulsoom in Jati Umra, the police are escorting Nawaz Sharif to their special aircraft to return him to Adialia Jail in Rawalpindi that Hairan Harkatee of K2 Times catches up with them to talk to the now incarcerated former prime minister.

“Respected Mian Nawaz Sharif, as you know that there are several cases pending against former president Pervez Musharraf. In fact a special court will start conducting the treason trial from October 9 with daily proceedings.

“In response to the order to ensure Musharraf’s presence in the court made by the two-judge bench headed by Justice Yawar Ali, in its written reply, the federal government said that Interpol has refused to issue a red warrant against the former military ruler.

“The bench has also asked prosecutor Nasiruddin Khan Nayyar to assist the court in determining whether Musharraf’s statement can be recorded under Section 342 through video chat and if proceedings could progress in his absence.”

Nawaz Sharif bursts out, “He is a liar. He was trying to hang me on the pretext that I had hijacked his flight. Lies … all lies. You know at that time, my Maryam’s son Junaid was a little boy and Maryam had taken her mother for shopping at the Centerao [Centaurus] Mall in Islamabad … does this centerao … or whatever you call it, comes from the century that you have in cricket? I hope Imran Khan did not select this name because he considers himself a legend and what not. So let me come back to this babysitting I was doing … no … no, you can’t call it babysitting because Junaid was not a baby then, it was rather boy sitting. So this is the truth that I was doing boy sitting with my own grandson …

“You know that how small boys like to see flying airplanes. So being the prime minister … you know that at that time, I was the second time prime minister of Pakistan, I had the authority … you know that the prime minister is also commander-in-chief … so I was asking the pilot to fly the airplane from here to there and then there to here. There was no bad intention; I was simply trying to keep my little Junaid happy. I clearly remember that every time my Junaid saw that airplane he would do like what Shahid Afridi does after he takes a wicket … arms stretched up in the air.

“Now you tell me how was it hijacking? What did I do wrong, my friend? It is just a story that Musharraf concocted to find an excuse to become president.

“May God give the highest place in Heaven to King Abdullah that he obliged Musharraf to send me to Jeddah where the king gave me a palace to live. I think, it was one of their old palaces … nothing like my house in Jati Umra. You have seen it from inside quite a few times.

“But I don’t know what is it with King Salman … but I think, we should ask that what is it with his son, Mohammad, that they have done nothing for me. And now Maryam, Safdar and I are being taken to Adiala again.

“You all know how Musharraf would listen to George W. Bush. When Bush ordered him to give amnesty to Benazir Bhutto, Asif Zardari, and of their party leaders in all court cases against them — except even then he excluded the two times former premier Mian Mohammad Nawaz Sharif from this ordinance. Such a nasty man!”

Hairan Harkatee asked, “You know Chief Justice Saqib Nasir is …”

“What do you mean? Why do you mention that name before me?” snapped an irritated Nawaz Sharif.

“I mean if the chief justice is able to get Musharraf here and put him on trial, and if he is sent to Adiala …” offered Harkatee.

Nawaz Sharif, now being boarded by the police, shouted his reply from the steps, “If he comes to Adiala … you know what happens next … I will eat him alive without even putting ketchup!”

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