“Stop selling arms … and to us! Really.”

Saudi crown prince Mohammad Bin Salman, nicknamed MBS, is videoconferencing with Sheikh Mohammed bin Zayed bin Sultan Al-Nahyan, nicknamed MbZ, crown prince of Abu Dhabi and deputy supreme commander of the UAE’s armed forces.

Like MBS, MbZ is also highly animated and brimming with anger.

MBS asks MbZ, “O my brother, now this … first it was the little guy in Canada, now this irrelevant UN … something calling itself the Group of Independent Eminent International and Regional Experts.”

MbZ cut in fuming, “Oh yes … and calling themselves UN-mandated investigators! What is the UN doing with our affairs? My brother, even after you gave such a fitting reply to this little Trudeau, this UN thing did not get the message.”

MBS raged again, “Do you see that they are calling it their ‘first report’ … so we can expect more of such foolishness.

“So these folks say that they had reasonable grounds to believe that the parties to the armed conflict in Yemen have committed a substantial number of violations of international humanitarian law’.

“And … you see this what-they-call human rights thing is headed by Kamel Jendoubi, a Tunisian. I wouldn’t call [Tunisian president Beji Caid] Essebsi. We don’t need to make small folks feel important. I will ask [Saudi foreign minister] Adel [al-Jubair] and you ask your brother [UAE foreign minister Abdullah bin Zayed Al Nahyan] to call him and ask him to fix this Kamel.

“My brother, just … what relevance does the UN have … and especially this human rights thing when Abu Ivanka … our dear President Trump withdrew from it in June in protest of its frequent criticism of Israel’s treatment of Palestinians. He is right. Our beloved monarch of the United Kingdom gave the land of Palestine to Israel, so what is the right of anyone to question how they treat Palestinians, especially when they don’t even consider them human!

“The United States has joined Iran, North Korea and Eritrea as the only countries that refuse to participate in the council’s meetings and deliberations. I would say that we too should join them. In fact, Abu Ivanka will be so pleased.

“This report is saying that the conflict in Yemen has left nearly 10,000 people dead since March 2015 … now, my brother, wait a minute … we have to ask them whom they are calling ‘people’? Isn’t it the Houthi?

“Just like Israel doesn’t consider the Palestinians to be people, we refuse to accept the Houthi as people. Period.”

MbZ spoke, ”My brother, you have put the issue in the right perspective. But even then I think, we should make our Abu Ivanka’s work easy to stand besides us. I will say that we hire Blawb & Bautch Consulting, which I hear is the best lobbying firm in Washington, D.C. We will assign them the task of lobbying the U.S. Congress … that will be easy because both Republicans and Democrats know what really matters. The more we bomb, the more the United States gains by supplying us weapons. Plus, we will assign Blawb & Bautch the job of creating a positive outlook of our war effort. Just like Americans never  think what is happening to Palestinians, similarly they will never think what is happening to the Houthi.

“We will ask Blawb & Bautch to target ‘Trump influencers’, like lawyer Alan Dershowitz, former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee, and conservative radio host John Batchelor.

“I should say also, we can get Prime Minister Netanyahu call both Abu Ivanka and Prime Minister Theresa May. We got to admire the work being done in Great Britain. Wow, they have simply destroyed this communist Corbyn who was getting so near to unseating May. They hit him with the anti-Semitism scimitar, flying his head off … gone with the wind! It would have been a nightmare. Imagine Corbyn selling us arms.”

MBS giving thumbs up to MbZ, adds, “I tell you both Abu Ivanka and Her Majesty’s government will give no consideration to this report because it says that all nations stop selling arms that could be used in the war.”

They burst into laughter, as MbZ declares, “Stop selling arms … and to us! Really.”

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