We can’t make pickle out of the arms we have

Saudi Arabia’s Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman (MBS) is meeting with his father, King Salman, accompanied with their foreign minister Adel bin Ahmed Al-Jubeir at the Erga Palace in Riyadh to discuss the telephone calls the father and son had with Pakistan’s new prime minister Imran Khan.

MBS starts by telling his father the purpose of the meeting. As soon as he hears the mention of Imran Khan, he gets out of trance and asks, “Adel, I am hearing before this Imran Khan was playing a game called cricket. What is this game? Where did it come from?”

Al-Jubeir, being subservient at his best offers, “Your Majesty, this is a game played with a wooden bat and a leather ball, and it was invented in Great Britain, the realm of our beloved and honored Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth.”

The monarch added, “O Adel, is that so! If it was invented in Great Britain, the realm of our beloved and honored Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth, then why our honorable and much blessed benefactor Lt. T. E. Lawrence … our own Lawrence of Arabia did not bless us Arab people with this noble game when he blessed us with our kingdoms and emirates … I can only wonder. Thank God, this game was invented in the realm of Her Majesty. I feared that it has come from Iran!

“O my son, Mohammad, I would say that order Turki al-Sheikh, our minister of sports, to supply a bat and a ball to all Saudi boys … and about training …”

MBS offered, “My dearest father, I will immediately order our McKinsey Consulting in Washington, D.C. to prepare a feasibility report about this sport.”

The king cautioned, “O son, make sure that we only hire real English people as trainers … perhaps we can start with 50,000 trainers … British trainers.”

The king takes a breather, sips his qahwa and starts again, “O Mohammad, but wait, I am thinking that if this Imran Khan after playing cricket can expel not one but two ruling families, families that have the birthright to rule Pakistan, the Sharif family and Zardari family, so think, God forbid, what a Saudi boy could do after playing cricket. I would say let us wait for McKinsey Consulting’ report before proceeding further.”

MBS dutifully offers, “O my beloved father, God has blessed you with great foresight. May you live long, and continue to cover us with your blessings.

Directing his looks a bit toward Adel, he states, “Adel, both of us spoke with Imran Khan and he told us the same thing. He said that he could help broker peace between Iran and us.”

King Salman put his cup on the table in a hurry and exclaimed, “God forbid … peace with Iran. Tomorrow this Imran Khan will tell us that he can broker peace between Yemen and us … the Houthis … there is no end to it. Next he will come up with helping make peace with Qatar!”

MBS blurted with equal urgency, “Yes … and then he will be telling us about making peace with Trudeau … the ugly Canadian man!

“Adel, you know that our dear friend Abu Ivanka … our dearest President Trump will not like such initiatives. We have purchased $110 billion from him just last year … of course he wants us to keep buying … and what will we do with all the beautiful arms coming from the United States and all the arms we purchased from the realm of our beloved Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth … especially all those cluster bombs. We need to use them to buy more!

“We have to keep repaying our benefactors, the United States and Great Britain by keeping their arms factories running overtime.

“God forbid, if we start listening to this Imran Khan and make peace with everyone, then what are we going to do … We can’t make pickle out of the arms we have!” declared MBS nearly smashing his delicate teacup on his side table.


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