You Cannot Trust Anyone these Days

Following the impending oath-taking by the new prime minister of Pakistan, Imran Khan, the former Punjab chief minister Shahbaz Sharif accompanied by his son Hamza, and his brother’s grandson, Junaid Safdar is visiting his older brother Nawaz Sharif, the three times prime minister of Pakistan, and his niece Maryam Safdar and her husband Capt. (retd.) Mohammad Safdar, in Adiala Jail.

The former prime minister is in a sulking mood, “See what has the world come to! The man who is not staying in the Prime Minister’s House and even not in the beautiful Punjab House, is the prime minister … and I, the three times prime minister, and my Maryam and Safdar are sitting here … in Adiala.

“I am making how many bus transport systems and even the orange line and the people forgot. In five years, Imran Khan could not complete even one bus transport system in Peshawar,” lamented Nawaz Sharif.

“Yes, my dear brother, my Bhaijan, just inches away from polling stations, they were eating our biryani and meat filled parathas and then stamping the votes for Imran Khan. I have never seen such short attention span! Such short memories,” Shahbaz Sharif forcefully banged his fist on the table.

“What are you saying Shahbaz, not just our biryani and meat filled parathas, they even forgot the free laptops we gave them. Thankless … What do you say, my young Junaid, but I think that programmers of these laptops did a bad job because instead of just showing Shahbaz’s photo, and mine they let these laptops receive PTI propaganda. I never knew that our people suffer from such low memory retention. It seems like we did not give them enough brain food. In fact, my brother Asif Zardari fared much better … he gave his Sindh folks neither any bus system, not even the roti, kapra and makan … his party’s manifesto of food, clothing and housing … not even potable water!

“Shahbaz, I must say that Shahid Khaqan Abbassi did not do a good job, and I angered Chaudhury Nisar Ali Khan by not preferring him as prime minister. And Shahbaz, what was your food minister Bilal Yasin doing. And of course, what was Sikandar Hayat Khan Bosan going, my minister for national food security and research doing … and then he shifts to PTI after he finds me in trouble.”

Maryam joins the conversation, “I think for Bosan, you gave him the wrong title. It was confusing for him. He thought that he was in-charge of research, which is done by scientists. And he has a law degree.

“I agree that we did not give our people brain food. Spinach is good for the brain. Popeye was onto something when he slammed that spinach. Eggs are a super food –the whites improve memory. Red meat studies show that healthy levels of iron improve mental function. Walnuts are extremely high in antioxidants, which promote brain function. Red, orange, green, and brown legumes – I mean our daal — are super rich in folate that enhances brainpower and increases the dopamine function within brain. When you eat beets, you’re getting a blast of genius to your brain in the form of natural nitrates. Beets actually encourage fresh blood flow to the brain, which in turn, boosts mental performance. Oats keep your brain powered all morning long. Almonds, which can be considered “brain food,” preserve memory longer. Pistachios are among the nuts the improve brain function. Once someone told me that the Shah of Iran controlled the export of pistachios so more of these nuts could be given to schoolchildren because he was trying to raise a super Aryan race.”

Nawaz patted his hand on daughter’s head lovingly, “Maryam, you know so much. Why didn’t you tell us and our food ministers all this before?

“Shahbaz, we are complaining of people forgetting our biryani and meat filled parathas, and laptops, but what about this president … this Mamnoon Hussain whom I picked from his cloth shop in Karachi’s Allahwali Market, and put him in the President House, whose interior is adorned with gold and velvet, moldings and carvings, and luxurious furnishing. His only claim to fame in his 45-46 year political career was his election as the head of the Karachi Chamber of Commerce. His President House budget was more than Rupees 800 million annually, and he spent more than Rupees two billion on his foreign trips. And what does he do? Instead of resigning when I tell him, he listens to Imran Khan, even before he has taken oath as prime minister, so he cancels his visit Britain, which was scheduled from August 15 to August 19. This was valid reason that could have delayed Imran Khan’s oath taking. Once again, we get thankless people. His term will end next month, so he can go back to measuring cloth for his customers in Allahwali Market … so now who will invite him to England at the cost of Pakistani peoples’ money? Yes, tell me.

“I must say that Muhammad Zubair is the only gentleman, although his younger brother Asad Umar is becoming Imran Khan’s finance minister, as soon I asked, he resigned as governor of Sindh. Although both of them contacted Mamnoon for confirmation of my directives asking them to resign from their offices, but you have Punjab governor Rafique Rajwana and Khyber Pakhtunkhwa governor Iqbal Zafar Jhaga sitting comfortably in their governor houses as if Imran Khan would let them stay. Only Zubair did not hesitate a second to carry out my directives. I am really disappointed with this Rajwana, when we have lost Punjab for the first time.

“Yes, you cannot trust anyone these days.”

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