The Canadians Can Drink their Maple Syrup

Saudi Arabia’s Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman (MBS) is meeting with his father, King Salman, along with their foreign minister Adel bin Ahmed Al-Jubeir at the Erga Palace in Riyadh to discuss the situation created by the Canadian foreign ministry urging Riyadh to release all arrested civil rights activists.

The father and the son are absolutely livid.

“O my Baba … my father … did your hear about these Canadians? Absolutely confused! They have to speak two languages, English and French and they don’t know in which language to think.

“And of course, what we know the truth that never entrust women with authority. So this woman … Chrystia Freeland, their Foreign Affairs Minister lectured us in the most patronizing language. She demanded that we immediately release Saudi civil rights activists… I would say quote unquote civil right activists. If being a woman holding a senior position in government was not wrong enough, this Chrystia is a writer and journalist too.

“Absolutely uncouth! She has no manners about addressing royals … our House of Salman. I was not expecting from a minister of country whose currency note has the photograph of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth, may God bless her with good health and more life,” growled MBS.

Al-Jubeir interjected, “Your Royal Highness, they have removed her from all their notes except their $20 bills.”

“Oh, is that is so Adel! So they have lost all respect for Her Majesty … and this is why they have no manners about addressing royalty,” sighed MBS.

Al-Jubair responds with due respect, “Your Royal Highness, I am sure that they will learn their manners now. It was the right move to kick out their ambassador Dennis Horak. I mean before coming to Riyadh, he was director of their Middle East and Maghreb Political Relations Division. He is not naïve! At least, he should have briefed them about how to be respectful toward royalty … the House of Salman.

“Your Royal Highness, who has authorized Canada to express concern over arrests of our civil-society and women’s rights activists? They are not their citizens. It is for us alone to decide to deal with our citizens … Adel, what is this nonsense ‘civil-society’?

“It is only the House of Salman that decides about our citizen not any writer turned foreign minister!

“Your Royal Highness, you have let them know loud and clear. They should have brains enough to know why our ambassador His Royal Highness Naif Bin Bandar Al Sudairi has been withdrawn from Ottawa. They should know why we cancelled all our Saudia flights to their country.”

MBS thunders again, “You are right Adel, it is our citizens, and only the House of Salman can decide how we treat them … let them serve qahwa to us, or lock them up in prison or chop their heads off!

“I am calling our brother President Trump … our Abu Ivanka … let me check the time … okay, a bit later. I am going to tell him that I am cancelling our $11 billion contract with Canada to build light-armored vehicles for us. Adel, just see them squirm. When the contract was signed in in 2011, Ottawa hailed it as a major advanced manufacturing export win for Canada. Ha win! Take it Trudeau and dance! I will request Abu Ivanka to get this order filled there.

“It is good. With China trying to act smart, our Abu Ivanka needs to export elsewhere.”

Abu-Jubair respectfully submits, “Indeed, Your Royal Highness, we truly deserve to support Abu Ivanka. Your Royal Highness, we also have about 16,000 of our students at Canadian educational institutions.”

“Adel, good, you told me that too. Instead of asking them to come home, I will ask Abu Ivanka to transfer all of them to American campuses.”

“Yes, Your Royal Highness, the students will much appreciate it. What does Canada have … a fast-food chain named after some ice-hockey player … Tim Horton?”

“Adel, I take my inspiration from Abu Ivanka. See how he has commanded that anyone doing business with Iran cannot do business with him. And you showed me this news item that Canada is considering a preferential trade partner status for Pakistan. Adel e-mail a warning to Pakistan right now!

“Justin Trudeau may know all the karate or what not but he should know that the House of Salman cares for its benefactors. Remember that I purchased that Leonardo Da Vinci painting, Salvator Mundi for $500 million at Christie’s so that my brother MbZ … Sheikh Mohammed bin Zayed bin Sultan Al-Nahyan, Crown Prince of Abu Dhabi can hang it is in his Louvre Abu Dhabi. So what if some Oxford scholar is saying that it was actually painted by his studio assistant… MbZ can hang it in one of the museum’s bathrooms. The important thing is that I gave this business to Christie’s in London. May God bless Her Royal Majesty Queen Elizabeth.

“Adel, the Canadians can have it all … the House of Salman is not going to give them a penny, they can drink their maple syrup,” declared MBS.

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