Let them Wear Jeans

After their initial telephonic conversation, former president Asif Ali Zardari and former prime minister Mian Nawaz Sharif decide to meet at the latter’s residence in Jati Umra, near Lahore.

Mian Nawaz Sharif receives his visitor in the porch and as he is walking him into his home office, he orders tall glasses of lassi for both.

“Zardari Sahib, this Supreme Court Chief Justice Saqib Nasir is doing pre-poll rigging by bringing up all sorts of issues that are an embarrassment to both of us.”

“Mian Sahib, in fact Saqib Nasir is growing belligerent every day. Now this new thing … this talk on water crisis being discussed by him. Saqib Nasir is providing bullets to Imran Khan to attack both our candidates and us.

“I would say that we should bring it to the attention of Chief Election Commissioner that he should put an end to this activity … it is simply pre-poll rigging!”

“Zardari Sahib, did hear what this Justice Sardar Tariq, another member of the bench, observed that scarcity of water and construction of new dam is not the priority of any political party.

“Isn’t this a direct attack on us?”

“Mian Sahib, this is not all, Justice Saqib Nasir said that Asif Zardari and Nawaz Sharif should come and tell the court what they have done to address the water issue. Why do we not put the responsibility of the water crisis on both of them?”

“Zardari Sahib, not only that, Saqib Nasir used the slogan that my daughter, Maryam and I use, Vote ko izzat do (respect the vote) … and then he said that it means that you give people their fundamental rights.

“Zardari Sahib, isn’t this awful. Simply working for Imran Khan.”

“Mian Sahib, this is another suo motu case. When we form the new government after the July 25 election, we should take away this a suo motu power from the judges. They need to stay within their limits!

“Saqib Nasir also asked that what have we done for our children if we can’t even provide them water?

“Mian Sahib, both of us have done and are doing for our children. We have built impressive financial portfolios for them. We have brought them into leadership positions and they will rule Pakistan and so will their progeny … indeed generations.

“Mian Sahib, when I hear about water, I am reminded of our beloved Shaheed Zulfikar Ali Bhutto. He was very aware of the country’s water crisis. He would only drink Perrier water, which was flown in for him from France.”

“You are right Zardari Sahib. See, I am mostly drinking lassi. Not much water.”

“Mian Sahib, then Saqib Nisar asked Zafar Mahmood, a former chairman of the Water and Power Development Authority … our WAPDA, about his opinion. And you know this Zafar Mahmood painted a dire picture of Pakistan’s water woes. Thankfully though this man also said people need to be made aware of ways to conserve water.

“Thankfully, Saqib Nasir has asked our Aitzaz Ahsan, who is supremely loyal to my family as he was loyal our two great Shaheeds, Zulfikar Ali Bhutto and Benazir… and he is loyal to Bilawal, Bakhtawar, and Aseefa. In fact, where loyalty counts, Aitzaz is better than any pet dog.

“The chief justice has asked him to make a policy on the water issue and submit it to the court by June 21.

“Lawyers use precedence in their argumentation. Here is the most powerful argument. In 2016, which is less than two years ago, Levi’s CEO and President Chip Bergh said you should never wash a pair of jeans. Ever. He said, ‘A good pair of denim doesn’t really need to be washed in the washing machine except for very infrequently or rarely’. Furthermore, the advice from several major jeans manufacturers is to instead try putting your pair in the freezer overnight to help get rid of bacteria. Alternatively, they say, give them some air by leaving them outside in the sun, or with a neutralizer spray.

“So, Mian Sahib, there is billions of gallons of water being saved.”

“I will ask Aitizaz to add the jeans law. The chief justice can ban shalwar qameez and declare jeans as the only lawful wear.

“Thank you, Asif Sahib for this wonderful information. Do please call Aitzaz Ahsan immediately. I know how much washing this white shalwar qameez needs. You know we have to look nice on TV. And I am changing three to four times every day in order to keep my dress looking good.

“Indeed, today, I will ask Hasan and Hussain to send me a trunk of jeans by courier from London.”

They clink their glasses of lassi and chime, “Let them wear jeans.”

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