The Pakistan Tehreek-i-Insaf’s May 20, 2018 (PTI) presentation of its agenda to be completed within the first 100 days of government — if the party is elected to power has deeply agitated former President Asif Ali Zardari and former Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif. In an attempt to nip things in the bud, they held a joint press conference at the opulent Islamabad Serena Hotel.
Nawaz Sharif starts his address, “Dear Brothers and Sisters of the media, both my brother, Asif Zardari and I care for you. This is why we have invited you to this sumptuous hotel and not that Marriott place like Imran Khan.”
Zardari interjects, “You all know, this hotel is the best in town. Upon the completion of our conference, we have arranged gifs bags for all of you.
“With my brother Mian Nawaz Sharif’s courtesy, I want you simply focus on the ‘100 Day Agenda’ presented by a newcomer in politics. I assure you that no sane minded person would make such tall claims.”
“Yes, indeed, my brother Asif Zardari is spot on. I will tell you that because his mind is locked into cricket, Imran Khan could only think of 100 … a century. You all know that in entire test cricket career, he only scored six centuries! All he knows is cricket and now he is talking of 100 days as if it is a cricket century,” declared Nawaz Sharif.
“Actually, I was going to say what Mian Nawaz Sharif has just stated. He is just tantalizing people with his century thing. So if this his ‘First 100 Days Agenda’ what will he do in the rest of the time, God forbid if he becomes prime minister?
“Imran Khan has no foresight. The reality is that his sons are not coming to Pakistan to become chairman of his Pakistan Tehreek-i Insaf. His program has no roots in the country.
“Look at us. Our beloved and great leader, the martyr Benazir Bhutto wrote a will that her son and her daughters would lead the party. She knew that she would die before they become adults, so in her will she included me as co-chairman. This is called foresight, thinking for hundreds of years and not just 100 days!”
“Perfect, my dear Zardari Sahib. See when my sons Hussain and Hassan took passports in England, I brought forward my daughter Maryam to lead and one day to inherit the party. In fact, I should have asked her earlier before I had started promoting my nephew Hamza Shahbaz.”
“What standing Imran Khan has?” questions Zardari, “Just one house in Bani Gala! How much is this house worth however, say Rs. 750 million, which is not even $700,000. You know only my Bilawal House in Lahore is worth at least $50 million. Even the Telegraph newspaper of England said five years ago that it is worth £32 million … it is called planning for centuries. It has been built with reinforced, bombproof concrete.
“Now Imran’s supposedly future finance minister, Asad Umar is saying that they will set up a ‘Council of Business Leaders’ to improve Pakistan’s global business standing. Mian Sahib will agree with me that which sane businessman will join this Council when they say their government will end tax evasion!” declared Zardari.
Nawaz Sharif guffaws, and declares, “They will get empty-pocketed business leaders in the Council. There goes this century… this 100 days Agenda.
“What leadership … ask my brother here, Zardari Sahib, do we need this committee or that to get things done. The party belongs to our family and we set the course. Ha … ha … ha … Imran Khan is bragging that the Policy Unit of his party’s Election Management Cell developed this Agenda. Where is his leadership? He is always bragging that he was captain of the cricket team. Even his information secretary Fawad Chaudhry told Dawn that it took a special committee three months to draft this plan.
“Ha … ha … ha … Zardari Sahib, they are drafting plan for 100 days in 90 days! I can make a better plan than his before I finish my second glass of lassi!”
“Yes, indeed Mian Nawaz Sharif Sahib, is right. Who in Pakistan reads a plan? Not even the Planning Commission reads a plan. People want to hear promises … our great guide, the Ever Living Zulfikar Ali Bhutto did not give any 100 day … or this or that day plan, he just said ‘roti, kapra, aur makan,’ and people voted for him. Nobody cares if anyone or not got ‘roti, kapra, aur makan’ … yes, still there is no bread, no clothing, and no housing for the masses. And now Bilawal has brilliantly suggested that we added pani … water … to his sainted grandfather’s slogan.”
“My brother Zardari Sahib is spot on again. If the people had gotten this ‘roti, kapra, aur makan,’ even one or two of these items, they would have been asking for more. The more you give, they more they ask. This is human nature. Imran Khan does not know this basic fact.
“My friends, we are far-sighted!”
“Yes, Mian Sahib, only the Pakistan People Party and the Pakistan Muslim League-Nuon have the far-sight! Yes, we are the far-sighted.”