Why a Department of Accountability

Following Prime Minister Shahid Khaqan Abbasi’s address in the National Assembly on May 9, expressing his ire at the National Accountability Bureau (NAB), Chanel Chaplos TV’s star anchor Chauhdry Aafat Mulaqat met with him seeking his views about the reforms that could be made to accountability laws.

“Your Excellency, you made some very … or rather exemplary observations about NAB. Your dedication and loyalty to the Leader-for-Life, Mian Mohammad Nawaz Sharif was hard to conceal throughout your address. Indeed, it is the far-sightedness of Leader-for-Life that he assigned this sacred office to you.”

“Thank you, my dear Chauhdry Aafat for your kind words. Really, like any other dedicated person … a person dedicated to the good of Pakistan and its people, I am sick and tired of this accountability.

“Before we go farther, my dear Chauhdry Aafat Mulaqat, you know that this NAB was established by a military dictator … yes, only to change the loyalties of members and break up the political parties.

“It is time that our respected and beloved Leader-for-Life should remind President Asif Zardari that the need of the hour is to revive the Charter of Democracy that had been signed by his late wife and our Leader-of-Life. This document clearly showed what is the good and best for Pakistan that it is only to be ruled by the House of Sharifs and the House of Zardaris … I would even add, Mr. Zardari’s preferred usage, the House of Bhutto Zardaris!

“Do any of its clauses mention this accountability? How can you do any development when this accountability is on your head … on your nerves! In the national interest, you are assigning the contract to one who is offering the best cut, and then you have the evil face of accountability.

“Now this Pakistan Tehreek-i-Insaf’s Asad Umar was saying in the National Assembly that NAB is fulfilling the role that the Finance Ministry should have played.”

Chauhdry Aafat Mulaqat interjects, “Just ignore him, Your Excellency, he is diseased by Imran Khan about accountability.

“Did you see the difference? Your Excellency, your college friend Syed Naveed Qamar of the PPP … a man inspired by President Zardari, said he could understand the prime minister’s concern! God bless him.”

“Yes, exactly, my dear Chauhdry Aafat, just tell me why would anyone signup anyone who is hesitant to share their profits with those who are dedicated to public service in Pakistan? Let Imran Khan give as many examples as he wants of England and America. But there is no comparison! Who in Pakistan would give even Rs. 100 to our Leader-for-Life, the only three times Prime Minister of Pakistan, or Mr. Zardari for a speech? In America, an ex-president can get hundreds of thousands of dollars, which would be tens of millions of rupees, for a 15 to 20 minute speech.

“My dear Chauhdry Aafat, you will recall that I said in my assembly speech that our political parties have failed to make the NAB such an institution which fulfills the requirements of justice and plays its due role against corruption … and you will agree that everything can’t be labeled as corruption. Politicians are sacrificing their time and even their lives for public service … see our interior minister Ahsan Iqbal got hit by bullets … they have the right to their share.

“I would use every platform to invite the opposition to consider bringing amendments to the accountability law. The political parties have already agreed to these amendments and I will request a short debate or a meeting to move forward with the process. And we this great President Mamnoon Hussain who signs anything he gets. No reading required. God bless him.

“As we all know that several NAB cases are being heard against our Leader-for-Life, our Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif, but do you expect justice being delivered? Like me you don’t, my friend!

“Chauhdry Aafat Mulaqat you see the manner in which the former premier had been brought before the accountability court, so how do you or anyone believe that NAB would be able to provide justice to Nawaz Sharif? Imran Khan can call it by any name, kickback or whatever, but our Leader-for-Life has installed projects of public benefit and he deserves it. Instead of public service, he could be running his father’s steel business and would be making billions.”

“Indeed, Mr. Prime Minister, you are absolutely right. We, in the media, are also getting our well-earned rewards. We receive our envelopes from your office and always in time and always in cash! Thank you.

“And Your Excellency, who is this NAB to carry out accountability. You know that I am not a religious person, but I would borrow a part from one of the sayings of our Holy Prophet (salla Allahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) where he said ‘Hold yourself accountable for your deeds …’ Did he say make a NAB? No Sir.”

“Exactly, Chauhdry Aafat Mulaqat, WHY A DEPARTMENT OF ACCOUNTABILITY?”

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