Prime Minister Narendra Modi has summoned a meeting to analyze President Trump’s August 21 speech on U.S. engagement and “the path forward” in Afghanistan and South Asia
Present are Sushma Swaraj, Minister of External Affairs, Foreign Secretary Dr. Subrahmanyam Jaishankar, Smriti Irani, Information & Broadcasting Minister, Anil Dhasmana, Secretary (Research), Research and Analysis Wing (RAW), and Navtej Sarna, the Indian ambassador to the U.S.
The Prime Minister orders gaumutra – his favorite drink made from cow urine – for an all around toast to Trump, the Indian Ambassador in the U.S. Navtel Sarna, the Indian external affairs ministry, Hailey Barbour and his BGR Group, the lobbyist for India in Washington, DC, Tulsi Gabbard, co-chair and the Congressional India Caucus, the first ever Hindu elected to the US House of Representative, Senators John Warner (D-VA) and John Cornyn (R-TX) the co-chairs of the Senate India Caucus, and Indian Americans who contributed to the Trump presidential campaign, and Indians in the Trump administration, especially U.S. Permanent Representative to the UN Nikki Hailey.
The Prime Minister raises his glass and declares, “This is for Mr. Donald Trump, the true friend of India. August 21 will remain a glittering date in our war against Pakistan.
“Thank you Mr. President.”
They all go bottoms up with their drink.
“Truly all credit goes to Indians, to Indian Americans, and to our friends on Capitol Hill for guiding Mr. Trump to lay out America’s path forward in Afghanistan and South Asia,” the Prime Minister continues.
“I have re-read the transcript of our dear friend, Mr. Trump’s speech several times. What a beauty! See he said, ‘For its part, Pakistan often gives safe haven to agents of chaos, violence and terror. The threat is worse because Pakistan and India are two nuclear-armed states whose tense relations threaten to spiral into conflict. And that could happen.’
“Don’t we all love this part: ‘For its part, Pakistan often gives safe haven to agents of chaos, violence and terror.’
“Undoubtedly our Kashmir strategy works that Pakistan is the sole cause of the violence in Kashmir. See how Mr. Trump highlights it, ‘The threat is worse because Pakistan and India are two nuclear-armed states whose tense relations threaten to spiral into conflict.’
“Now this, ‘In Afghanistan and Pakistan, America’s interests are clear. We must stop the resurgence of safe havens that enable terrorists to threaten America.’
“Our friend, Mr. Trump talks of Pakistan and terrorists safe havens in the same breath.
“These are beautiful words indeed, ‘The next pillar of our new strategy is to change the approach in how to deal with Pakistan. We can no longer be silent about Pakistan’s safe havens for terrorist organizations, the Taliban and other groups that pose a threat to the region and beyond.’
“Our lobbyists and our Congressional and Senate Caucuses in Washington, D.C. have really got to take this forward. Our friend, Mr. Trump is talking in our tongue. He is repeating what we have been saying from Day One.
“Again full-credit must go to Ambassador Navtej and all our friends in Washington, D.C. These words of our dear friend, Mr. Trump are chiseled in gold. This is a sucker punch right on Pakistan’s nose, which was thankfully chopped by us in December 1971 into half.
“Viva Trump, I will say! I love reading it over and over again: ‘Pakistan has much to gain from partnering with our effort in Afghanistan. It has much to lose by continuing to harbor criminals and terrorists…” Then Mr. Trump mentioned some formalities about ‘sacrifices’ by Pakistan. But then he continued, ‘But Pakistan has also sheltered the same organizations that try every single day to kill our people. We have been paying Pakistan billions and billions of dollars at the same time they are housing the very terrorists that we are fighting.
‘But that will have to change. And that will change immediately. No partnership can survive a country’s harboring of militants and terrorists who target U.S. service members and officials. It is time for Pakistan to demonstrate its commitment to civilization, order and to peace.’
“What a beauty Mr. Trump: ‘It is time for Pakistan to demonstrate its commitment to civilization, order and to peace.’
“If you look at this speech, you will recall what the then White House spokesperson Sean Spicer, had mentioned when welcoming my visit. He had listed ‘fighting terrorism, promoting economic growth and reforms and expanding security cooperation in the Indo-Pacific region’ as common priorities for the two countries. “I had stressed that we are looking for a new direction for deeper bilateral engagement. I told him that our target is of $500 billion in trade in the coming years.
“Jai Hind. We have it all.”
The Prime Minister pauses and orders one more round of gaumutra toast to Donald Trump.
Once the glasses bottom up, he continues, “This is India’s writ all over. My strategy of spending tens of billions of dollars on American arms … and I should Israeli arms too … has paid of rich dividends and so quickly. I have read this part of our friend, Mr. Trump’s speech, ‘Another critical part of the South Asia strategy for America is to further develop its strategic partnership with India, the world’s largest democracy and a key security and economic partner of the United States. We appreciate India’s important contributions to stability in Afghanistan, but India makes billions of dollars in trade with the United States, and we want them to help us more with Afghanistan, especially in the area of economic assistance and development. We are committed to pursuing our shared objectives for peace and security in South Asia and the broader Indo-Pacific region.’
“The world acknowledges that India is the world’s largest importer of weapons. Our market matters! $56 billion is no small thing! See how Mr. Trump said, ‘… India makes billions of dollars in trade with the United States.’
“The arms business we are giving Israel is the way to the heart of Israeli lobby in Washington, D.C. and the heart of the American politician.”
Yogi Adityanath, the priest who is the Chief Minister of Uttar Pradesh, who has been brought into the conversation, interjects, “My Pardhan Mantri … my dear Prime Minister. Jai Hind. You are doing wonders. But I am perturbed by what I read this morning that despite our hard work at making Pakistan synonymous with terrorism, a world cricket squad is to visit Pakistan in September to play there. My Pardhan Mantri we are the most important member of the International Cricket Council, and Vinod Rai, president of our Board of Control for Cricket in India, must apply force to get this cancelled. We cannot allow the terrorism label on Pakistan to be diluted!
The other thing my Pardhan Mantri is that like Tendulkar has been assigned as the of god of cricket, our friend, Mr. Donald Trump’s godliness needs to be recognized by us. He should be declared the god against Islam, Muslims, and especially Pakistan!”
All present lifted their goblets of gaumutra and declared, “President Trump is Worthy of Godliness.”