Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi has called an early morning, post-yoga meeting with External Affairs Minister Sushma Swaraj, Defense Minister Arun Jaitley, Minister of Information and Broadcasting Smriti Irani, chief ministers of states bordering China, Pema Khandu of Arunachal Pradesh, Trivendra Singh Rawat of Uttarakhand, Virbhadra Singh of Himachal Pradesh and Pawan Kumar Chamling of Sikkim.
The Prime Minister, nursing his glass of gaomutra, the health drink made with urine of female cows – the Holy Mothers, initiates the proceedings, “These Chinese have strict censorship but are their rulers only reading the censored news? It seems to me that this is the case.
“Did you hear that China has conveyed to foreign diplomats in Beijing that its has deployed its People’s Liberation Army at the Doklam plateau, ready for a standoff with us in Bhutan. They are also telling these diplomats that they will not wait for an indefinite period.
“China says that that Indian troops must pull back to the Indian side of the boundary unconditionally and immediately. This they say that this is a precondition for meaningful dialogue between them and us.
“Ha ha ha … China needs to know that it is a joke.
“China is claiming that the dispute is between China and Bhutan, but India has jumped in. Really, it is India alone that owns Nepal, Bhutan, Sikkim, Bangladesh, and Kashmir.
“China is not even a paper tiger. Despite all the posturing China has not been able to do anything over Taiwan. After all the support it gave, Vietnam has fallen into America’s lap, discarding them.
“Since we became independent, we have annexed Kashmir, Hyderabad, Goa, Junagadh, and Manavader. And China is still blowing hot and cold over Taiwan!
“Even Hong Kong is not under full Chinese writ!
“Pakistan needs to take heed when it is always singing that China is their tight friend.
“Shrimati Sushma we need to invite the diplomats for a reception, and in keeping with my ‘Make it in India’ policy, propose a toast to them with our gaomutra, and share the facts about India’s importance to the powers that really matter. Surely, no one is living in caves. They know. Our foreign exchange reserves are more than $387 billion. Not just the world, even China is dying for a piece of our market.
“In July, the U.S. House of Representatives passed the $621.5 billion defense policy bill to advance defense cooperation with us.
“Last December, we inked a nearly $8 billion deal with the U.S. for their 145 M777 ultra-light howitzers, which we will mostly deployed near our borders with China.
“During my visit to Israel – the apple of American and Western eyes — I signed a $3 billion deal with them. All of them know that Israel is one of our largest arms suppliers.
“In March, we signed a $5.5 billion deal with Russia for shipbuilding, and for the S-400 missile shield, as well, four Project 1135.6 class stealth frigates, especially to seal our airspace with Pakistan.
“So China can huff and puff, but we have the right to own any land that we desire. Remember ‘I’ is for India and ‘I’ is for Israel. Like Israel, we have the same rights over anyone’s territory that we desire… Sikkim, Bhutan … and what about Nepal!
“I think that I should challenge Xi Jinping about who has more admirers, him or I!
“You know when I met with our most loving friend President Trump, I told him about my ‘Make it India’ campaign. I told him that to starve China, he should take my lead and start a ‘Make it in America’ program. Can China survive without being able to sell to America’s dollar stores and Wal-Mart?
“Smriti Irani, your information ministry should focus on keeping people’s mind far away from foolish things like this Global Wealth Report compiled by Credit Suisse Research Institute. Its 2016 report is saying that India is the second most unequal country in the world with the top one per cent of the population owning nearly 60% of the total wealth. Thankfully no one will worry about it. First, of course, it is only the poor who are dying, and secondly, America has a Republican government, and they all know that wealth trickles down.
“Ha ha ha … Xi Jinping may be thinking that China has conquered Europe by buying Volvo company. Ohowhoo! Which cars does the British royal family rides? Volvo or our Tata Jaguar or our Tata Land Rover?
“Can Xi tell me how many Americans are doing his Lion Dance? My spies tell me that 37 million Americans or 15% of adults practice yoga in the U.S.
“A few more visits with President Trump, and our gaomutra will become America’s favorite drink! Donald Trump doesn’t drink alcohol and he needs a drink for all the toasts he has to do as President of the United States. It will be our gaomutra … Made in India with our Sacred Mothers’ finest!
“Mr. Xi it is time to stop posturing. China is no Match for India.”