What is this Talk about Morals?

Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif is chairing a meeting of a group of his cabinet ministers to discuss the Joint Investigation Team (JIT) report presented to the Supreme Court on July 10.

The visibly upset chief executive harshly dismissed his assistant and asked him to take back the glass of khoya-topped lassi that had been placed in front of him. Rhinos are known for possessing a short fuse, and in a hissy fit the 2-ton beast can crumple metal and rip off car doors. In a blind rage, they’ll even charge butterflies — bet that any rhino would feel pretty ridiculous if it was asked to match the Prime Minister’s mood at the moment.

Minister for Planning and Development Ahsan Iqbal assured his chief that the report was merely worthless trash and only created to serve Imran Khan’s agenda.

“Mian Sahib, these small Grade 19 … 20 people were just focused on the Sharif family’s personal businesses. Has the United States Supreme Court set up a JIT to examine President Trump’s family personal businesses?

“So what if you set up a sugar mill, or purchased some properties in London? Is anyone asking why Donald Trump has so many golf courses?

Barrister Zafarullah Khan, Special Assistant to the Prime Minister on Law and Justice, declared, “Honorable Mian Sahib, the only third time Prime Minister of Pakistan, I tell you and I say it loud and clear that it is not a JIT report, it is rather a Imran party … a PTI report… just the ramblings of inexperienced small people.

“Mian Sahib, one day these small people will come to you carrying their files for their promotions!”

Defense Minister Khawaja Asif declared, “Mian Sahib, you know that I went to law college so I am talking from knowledge that nothing in the report can be verified or be admissible as evidence as it is based on information provided by sources.

“It is nothing but Peoples Party propaganda based on the statements of [PPP’s ex interior minister] Rehman Malik. We all know how holy is this person.

“Mian Sahib, we will ask the Federal Investigation Agency to investigate that how many of the JIT members belong to Imran Khan’s party.

“We will organize massive rallies in all parts of the country demanding that the Supreme Court send this report into the trash bin, where it belongs,” he concluded.

Petroleum Minister Shahid Khaqan Abbasi, declared, “Mian Sahib, you will remember that we expected the JIT report to be.

“It is simply a conspiracy to destroy Mian Sahib’s great metro transport program … Orange Line is still stalled.”

“Dear friends, your words are of great comfort. I am thinking that what is this moral authority, they keep talking about… may I ask them? Yes, there are many authorities all over Pakistan, like LDA … Lahore Development Authority, in Karachi, there is KDA, Karachi Development Authority and on and on.

“Now no one asked that I set up a Moral Authority. I should have become first Prime Minister to set up this authority and made my Maryam its chairman.

“Even the boy, Bilawal is now saying that after the JIT report Nawaz Sharif has totally lost moral and political authority to continue in office and must therefore resign. But this boy knows the meaning of moral authority, which his father Asif Zardari must have taught him. Perhaps I should have asked my brother Zardari Sahib about the set up of this moral authority instead of being blamed by this boy Bilawal. How can something be lost, when it was never there!

“What more to say … Shireen Mazari … and our brave Khawaja Asif has a wonderful … beautiful name for her … also keeps saying that Nawaz Sharif has lost all moral authority to remain PM. She even said if Mian Sahib had any self-respect and shame he would resign immediately. But isn’t self-respect a private matter? Why is she interfering with my personal affairs? But we all know that she is Shireen Mazari!

“Of course, her boss, Imran Khan keeps saying that Nawaz Sharif lost his moral status after the verdict of the Panama case. When did I lose status? I am the third time Minister of Pakistan!

“Imran Khan even said that Nawaz Sharif should resign over charges of corruption because of losing all moral legitimacy to be Prime Minister.

“Zafarullah Khan Sahib, you are a barrister and my Special Assistant on Law, you tell me what is this legitimacy business.

“So much talk about the moral this and that …

“One day, I was with a friend shopping on Oxford Street for your bhabi Kulsum, when he suggested that we visit the nearby British Museum. He said that it is more than 250 years old, and its walls are adorned with 20 creative and colorful morals.

“In fact, why go so far. I have learnt that even the ceiling of the Frere Hall in Karachi has a moral by Sadequain. I am told that many foreigners would come to see it. With all this talk about morals, although I am not a foreigner, the next time I will visit Karachi, I will go to Frere Hall to see this moral myself.”

The assembled gathering raises their fist and shout, “Sher Aaya, Sher Aaya.”

The Prime Minister acknowledging the praise, declares, “Everyone knows that the Lion has Strong Loins. I will look at the moral of Sadequain, which I have heard was left incomplete because he died, so we can ask an artist to add Nawaz Sharif riding a lion, holding the flag saying, “What are Morals?”

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