Chancellor Merkel here we come. Get your checkbook ready!

Upon his return from Tel Aviv, Prime Minister Narendra Modi is sharing a summary of his meetings there.

“My visit with Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu was indeed groundbreaking. Of course, we shared warm moments of our meetings with our common friend, Donald Trump.

“Even before, Benjamin could complain that I am buying all those beautiful arms from Donald, I told him that your arms are equally beautiful. And I assured him that we could buy both kosher and non-kosher arms.

“Benjamin really appreciated this. Upon hearing this he offered me depleted uranium (DU) bombs. I must say that Benjamin is really interested in selling these bombs to me. Immediately he flicked on the TV and showed me the beautiful results that he got using these bombs in Gaza. We shared some warm moments savoring the sights of Muslim children being vaporized by these beautiful bombs.

“You know my strong insistence on ‘Make it India’ so I offered him to make his DU bombs in India. I told him that I could make good use of them in Kashmir. He immediately interjected that why not use them in Baluchistan too, as I had shared with him that how I appreciated his help in our sabotage efforts there.

“I said, ‘Benjamin, we have been friends for 25 years. We have defense deals averaging more than $1 billion a year. We can do more.

“Benjamin broke out in some tune humming that let’s BBQ Muslim kids everywhere. Oh my! What a beauty. He was about to re-run the Gaza footage, when I offered another idea.

“I said that our dear friend Donald has given me 22 beautiful Guardian MQ-9B drones, and these DU bombs would be a right fit for them.

“Benjamin nearly jumped out of his seat appreciating my idea. He said ‘Narendra! You are a beauty! We could get together and sell Saudi Arabia quite a few of our DU bombs. Donald sells them those beautiful Guardian MQ-9B drones and I sell them the DU bombs for frying those Houthis in Yemen. We can form TANDEM Worldwide that is the Tel Aviv New Delhi Eliminating Muslims Worldwide.’

“I said, ‘Benjamin, lets call Donald on Skype right now.’

“One more thing Benjamin, both of us share similar issues in controlling the inseparable parts of our land, Kashmir and Palestine. The problem is foliage. You have to confront those olive groves and we have to confront all kinds of greenery in Kashmir.

“While we are with Donald, we can raise this issue because this foliage is spoiling our kill rate.

“Benjamin, you know Americans successfully used Agent Orange for defoliation in Vietnam!

“I suggest that we ask Donald to sell us that beautiful Agent Orange.

“At this Benjamin really erupted with mirth and said, “Narindra, you know that we have issues with swastikas but we can produce Swastika brand DU bombs for you. I can always explain to my people that as a religious symbol for Hindus, the Swastika was first mentioned in the Vedas. It symbolizes many things — luck, Surya (the sun) and Brahma, the creator. It is seen as a power symbol and is also the emblem of Ganesha, the god of good luck. We can even do orange swastikas for you – your party color.”

“Benjamin, probably that awful Hitler stole our design. He used it without paying us a penny.

“And here, Benjamin offered me a great idea. He said that in 1952, his country and the Federal Republic of Germany signed the Reparations Agreement in Luxembourg and West Germany paid Israel a sum of 3 billion Deutsche Marks over the next fourteen years. He said that India should raise the issue that Germany repatriates her for Hitler’s copyright infringement of the swastika.

“Upon hearing this, I simply sprang out of my chair and warmly embraced Benjamin, declaring: ‘Chancellor Merkel here we come. Get your checkbook ready!’”

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