President Donald Trump has welcomed the Indian Prime Minister Narinder Modi and seated him.
Modi pushes back his chair to drape the Indian flag on his shoulders.
“Donald … Mr. President … Donald … I really wanted to fly over to you on June 18 … these Pakistanis!”
“God bless, Mr. Prime Minister. I ordered the White House to cook no beef,” President Trump interjected, trying to sooth the Prime Minister’s nerves.
“Donald, in fact, I was touching down in London to talk to Theresa May. But she said that she is too busy trying the cobble a ruling coalition with the DUP … Northern Ireland’s Democratic Unionist Party. She said the DUP has added another condition that Britain avenge the humiliation suffered by an Irishman, Eoin Morgan who captained the English cricket team that was thrashed by the Pakistanis before they thrashed my team!
“Donald, I had to change my plans. But you can’t imagine what these Pakistanis have done to India! They have done 90 times more damage to India than my spy agencies are doing to them in the Pakistani province of Baluchistan.
“Did the intelligence briefings you get daily … I mean from the Central Intelligence Agency, the Defense Intelligence Agency, the National Security Agency, the Federal Bureau of Investigation and other members of the U.S. intelligence community … tell you what these Shariah-totting Pakistanis did after they thrashed my team to win the Championship Trophy! They did sajda on the field … I mean the entire Pakistani squad prostrated on the second most sacred cricket field in England, the Oval. I know now it is called The Kia Oval but it has a 172 old history! You know those Koreans! This is where it all began. The first-ever Test on English soil was played there in September 1880. If I had gotten a hint, I would asked the Tatas to make it the Jaguar-Range Rover Oval or better still the Tata Oval.
“I was expecting that the British Home Secretary Amber Rudd would take some action. But no. The English are still nursing the wounds of the thrashing that the Pakistanis gave them on June 14 …
“You know the Pakistanis beat my team by a full 180 runs!”
“Really! 180. That’s huuuuuge!”
“Yes, Donald,” The Prime Minister sobbed, dabbing his tears with his sleeve-end.
“What is the fallout? It’s like the Hiroshima horror. Despite my more than one million troops in Kashmir displaying their deadliest weapons, the Kashmiris came out in streets … they lit up the sky with fireworks, like it was 4th of July in America!
“Donald, you can’t comprehend the situation. It is just another Pakistani terror attack on us.
“Donald, I can buy your F-35 factory. You can Make it in India. Don’t worry; it will create jobs in your country. When we make our own F-35, we won’t be buying all these Russian jets and the money that we will save will be spent in the USA for buying Trump properties.
“India can make these for much less. Our minimum wage is Rs. 160 per day, which is less than 2 and half dollars a day! Yours is $15 per hour!
“Donald, we will supply these F35s a baker’s dozen … 13 for the price of 12.
“Donald, it is a win-win proposition for the United States of America. But Donald, before I move the F-35 factory to my home state Gujrat, you will have to do me a favor … you can demand that Pakistan return all the F-16s you have sold to them. It won’t be much money. You can give them the Blue Book value like used car dealers give to sellers who come to them.
“Donald, I am devastated. What are friends for? I am telling you how in England … the home of the Church of England … the very church, which has her Majesty Queen Elizabeth as it’s Supreme Governor and Defender of the Faith … these Shariah-totting Pakistanis were doing their sajda on the field … it was the entire Pakistani squad that prostrated in public. I doubt there were any English watching the game … if they had any stamina left after the Pakistanis demolished them, but there were thousands of Indians … they were exposed to trauma, Donald.
“Donald, I know that you have banned all those iftars for Muslims … a horror initiated by Hillary Clinton … and there is nothing in the books that you invite the winners of cricket trophies to the White House, but what the Pakistanis did to my team is devastating. The tremors are being felt in Kashmir.
“Now the Kashmiris are saying that they are energized and they will chase out my military from their homeland … the same land that was invaded in 1947 by the man who is loved and respected in the West, Jawaharlal Nehru … ironically I don’t see eye to eye with his Congress Party.
“Donald, you know Kashmir is an integral part of India that is glued to my motherland by more than one million soldiers. And these F-35s will reinforce this glue.
“Donald, what are friends for … I beseech you that the United States of America take revenge from Pakistan for the humiliation heaped upon my country.
“Donald, Indians run the American technology industry and you know that a humiliated people cannot perform at their best. I urge you to take swift action.”
“Yes, Mr. Prime Minister, 180 runs. That’s huuuuuge!”
“Donald, do you have cows in the White House? I am really depressed. I need to hug a cow … my Sacred Mother, before I can further continue with this meeting.”