Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif has convened an iftar meeting with Ishaq Dar, Finance Minister of Pakistan, who is also the father-in-law of daughter Asma Nawaz Sharif, and Railways Minister Khwaja Saad Rafiq, Punjab law minister Rana Sanaullah, and Daniyal Aziz, chairman of the Devolution Trust for Community Empowerment, at his Jati Umra, Raiwind residence.
The Prime Minister is seated at the head of an over-laden table ready for iftar, his tall glass of lassi by his plate, and a copy of the Nawa-i-Waqt newspaper lying on his plate.
As soon as Dar takes his seat, the Prime Minister transfers the newspaper to his attention.
“See what the Khadim-ul-Harmain al-Sharifayn — Custodian of the Two Holy Mosques – His Majesty King Salman gave to President Donald Trump … total gifts worth of $1.2 billion. American Dollars!
“Yes, I was seeing it before my own eyes, how the Khadim-ul-Harmain al-Sharifayn was totally overwhelmed. His left eye was looking at Ivanka, and he kept repeating Ya Abu-Ivanka and giving him and the American industry and the American people gifts.
“Dar Sahib, you read it? The gifts given by Saudi King included a precious diamond, armband made of pure gold with his own photo imprinted on it and a 25 kilogram sword, which alone is worth $200 million, made of pure gold with different diamonds and stones on it.
“The Khadim-ul-Harmain al-Sharifayn also gave gold and diamond watches, worth of $200 million to Trump and his family.
“Also His Majesty said that a small replica of Statue of Liberty made with gold and studded with diamonds and precious stones will be sent to the White House.
“The Khadim-ul-Harmain al-Sharifayn also gave Trump a 125 meter yacht, which is the world’s tallest personal yacht. It has 80 rooms with 20 royal suites. This, the Khadim-ul-Harmain al-Sharifayn said, will be sent through U.S. Navy to America.
“Now Dar Sahib, Khawaja Sahib, Rana Sahib, and Danyal Sahib, what do I get! A watch! I know each of them is worth a few million dollars, but who is using watches and calendars these days! Every cellphone has a watch and calendar.
“Imagine, if the Khadim-ul-Harmain al-Sharifayn had gifted me that yacht, I would have had it shipped directly to River Ravi. And what next, I would be sitting on the deck with a fishing rod and catching Ravi dey Khaggayy and Kalsoom, the mother of Maryam, Husain and Hasan would be grilling them for me! Wah wah!
“And did you also read that one of the major roads in Riyadh has been named after Trump.
“Isn’t it unfair! Just because Donald Trump has white skin and orange hair, he is getting so much!”
“Mian Sahib, let me interrupt you. Trump is also Abu-Ivanka!”
“Yes, you right, Khawaja Sahib.
“You know that I was staying in Jeddah at Sarwar Palace for nearly ten years, but the Saudis never named it for me.
“What is Ivanka before my Maryam? I should have taken her with me like Trump brought his daughter with him.
“I tell you that if I done so, the Khadim-ul-Harmain al-Sharifayn would be looking at her with both his left and right eye, and calling me Abu-Maryam all the time like was going on and on with Abu-Ivanka, even though only looking at her with his left eye.
“You know the Khadim-ul-Harmain al-Sharifayn is very particular about right hand and left hand. When Trump and the First Lady of the United States of America lifted the qahwa cups with their left hands, the Khadim-ul-Harmain al-Sharifayn immediately asked them to switch hands.”
“Respected Mian Sahib, let us break our fast now. But you know in the U.S., immediately upon their return from an official overseas strip, the president to down have to report the gifts to the General Services Administration,” chimed in Danyal Aziz.
“I know that,” toned in Dar, “but their rule is any gift that has a retail value in the United States at the time of acceptance of not more than the minimal value can be kept by the recipient.
“Our Mian Sahib, is the Prime Minister …”
“Dar Sahib, third time Prime Minister,” added the Prime Minister.
“Indeed, the Prime Minister can declare any value for his gifts that he deems fit,” Dar added.
“Yes, I must admit that Imran Khan is right that I got nothing from that trip. Yes, it is my mistake that I did not take Maryam with me.
“I really miss the pleasure of sitting on deck of that Saudi gifted yacht on the River Ravi and fishing for Ravi dey Khaggayy.
“Yes. It is my fault.”