Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif has summoned his foreign affairs team to his secretariat. Present are Sartaj Aziz, the adviser on foreign policy and national security, alongside Tareq Fatemi, the Special Assistant on Foreign Affairs to the Prime Minister, Marriyum Aurangzeb, Minister of State for Information and Broadcasting, and Foreign Secretary Tehmina Janjua.
The Prime Minister, having downed his glass of lassi, starts the proceedings.
“This Shireen Mazari is even nastier than Imran Khan. No wonder that he made her
chief whip for Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaf in the National Assembly. She is thinking that meaning of chief whip is throwing the whip at Nawaz Sharif, the third time Prime Minister of Pakistan.
“Madam Shireen calls herself the Central Information Secretary of her party but she does not have information what I am doing on my foreign trips! Hainjee … what else do you do in a foreign country … foreign affairs. “
“If I was not making foreign affairs, then how would the Prince of Qatar, send not one but two letters to the Supreme Court of Pakistan?
“I don’t know how Shireen Mazari got her MA from the London School of Economics and later received her PhD from Columbia University in political science.
“Everyone starts talking of London education to impress people. So what if she got MA from the London School of Economics, my brother Asif Zardari got BA, or BSs, or MA, or MSc from the London School of Education. A degree is degree … BA, BSc, MA, MSc are printed on the same paper!
“She is always complaining in National Assembly, in lectures, and in tweets that I have not appointed of a full-time foreign minister
“Since, I became Prime Minister the third time, I have visited more than 75 countries. Tell me which country’s foreign minister has visited so many countries in that period?
“Hassan and Hussain told me in London in 2015, that someone told them that “The Telegraph” newspaper said that in her 60 years on the throne Queen Elizabeth has visited 116 countries. And see in less than three years, I have done 75 countries, and many of them again and again!
“’The Telegraph,’” the Prime Minister guffaws.
“In this age, when even people don’t send faxes, the English people are calling their newspaper “The Telegraph” … It is their wish, or maybe they don’t know that you can’t send telegram any more.
“Now let us get back to Madam Mazari’s angry statements about foreign affairs.
“God is telling us to exercise patience. In Surah Baqara, God is saying that He is with those who are patient.
“Now the first quarter of 2017 is ending, and next year will be the election, when my Maryam will be elected from two constituencies, and I will immediately appoint her foreign minister.
“I think that I should tell Madam Shireen that I am fully preparing to name our Maryam as the foreign minister because in every foreign tour that is what I am doing, also I am buying sunglasses and purses for Maryam because those of you who remember the time of Asif Zardari, know that he had a foreign minister Hina Rabbani Khar and she became famous around world because of her sunglasses and purses.
“By serving as foreign minister and for the third time, the Prime Minister of Pakistan, I know it is very important for the foreign minister to be world famous.
“And in the National Assembly, TV talk shows and on Twitter, Madam Shireen is saying that Pakistan is not respected and our passport is worthless. Hainjee, if it is worthless then how I am going to 75 countries, many of them several times!
“Our respected lady, Madam Marriyum Aurangzeb you should immediately put ads in all TV stations, radio stations, and newspapers that the citizen of Pakistan can travel to six countries without needing a visa: Dominica, Haiti, Micronesia, St Vincent and the Grenadines, Trinidad and Tobago, and Vanuatu.
“Not only this but also the citizen of Pakistan are allowed to get visa upon arrival in 22 countries: Cambodia, Cape Verde, Comoros, Cote d’Ivoire (Ivory Coast), Djibouti, Guinea-Bissau, Kenya, Madagascar, Maldives, Mauritania, Mozambique, Nepal, Nicaragua, Palau, Samoa, Seychelles, Tanzania, Timor-Leste, Togo, Tuvalu, and Uganda.
“May be I can invite Madam Shireen and send her on a free trip to Vanatu so she see that there was need for her to get any visa.