Asif Ali Zardari, the former President of Pakistan, the 11th Pakistani to hold this office, has summoned a meeting of his deep inner circle.
Present are his son Bilawal, and daughters Bakhtawar and Aseefa, and sisters Faryal Talpur, Dr. Azra Fazal Pechuho, Fouzia Zardari. Also, present is Faryal’s husband, Munawar Talpur. The audience also includes former Sindh chief minister Qaim Ali Shah, Former Prime Minister Yousuf Raza Gilani, Leader of the Opposition in the Senate Aitzaz Ahsan, and Sen. “Sherry” Rehman, a former ambassador to the U.S. and minister, and Vice President of the Pakistan Peoples Party Parliamentarian and founding Chair and serving President of the Jinnah Institute.
The former ambassador to the U.S. Husain Haqqani is on video link.
Chivas Regal is the order of the day.
The former President initiates the proceedings.
“Miracles happen and are real. Today is the 38th anniversary of our great Shaheed-e Democracy, the real martyr of democracy, Zulfikar Ali Bhutto, and I have to reveal a miracle.
“Last night, I was awakened at 11:55 P.M. by a sweet smell, and my heart led to my looking into my briefcase where I keep all my educational degrees, and as the clock strikes 12.01 a.m. on April 4 – the day of his martyrdom, what I see is a will written in his own hand.
“Indeed, who, better than I recognize his handwriting?
“And what I find is that Shaheed Bhutto Sahib has ordained that I, Asif Ali Zardari, son of Hakim Ali Zardari, is the Sajjada Nashin – the guardian of the Bhutto Shrine.
“Yes, indeed, our Dear Leader, our Great Shaheed was a man of dreams.
“Yes, indeed, our beloved shrine in Garhi Khuda Bux when our Great Shaheeds, Bibi and her father lie in eternal sleep.
“I rubbed my eyes, and read the paper again. Another miracle is that despite its age, the document appeared to have been written yesterday although our Dear Leader was cruelly snatched from us 38 years ago!
“I tell you, our venerable Qaim Ali Shah is here. Despite his seniority … I was so shaken … it was so overwhelming to see a miracle in my hand, seeing it with own eyes … that I called and woke up our beloved Sayin Sahib at 12:05 a.m.
“When I read it to our Sayin … our Shah Sahib, he immediately recognized the truth and said, ‘Asif Sayin, you are the real flag-bearer of Shaheed Zulfikar Ali Bhutto’s mission and vision! He was the greatest judge of people and he recognized you even before you sought our beloved Shaheed Bibi Sahiba.’
“So, as advised by our respected Shah Sahib, I have called you and here and in about an hour the press will be here and I will share the will of Great Shaheed with them.
“Our Senator Sherry … Sherry … I wish Chivas also made sherry and not just whisky. You are our gem.
“And here is our Lion of the Senate Aitzaz Sahib. I mean a London education makes the difference. Aitzaz Sahib has education from Cambridge and I from the London School of Education.
“Sherry … I am not discounting you … you have your degree from Sussex … it is as good London!
“When Obama was President and when we went to Washington, D.C., even Vice President Biden came to dinner with me.
“Now when I went to Washington, D.C. for President Trump’s inauguration, I was meeting with Republicans like Senator McCain …
Haqqani interjects, “President Sahib, there is no doubt in your charisma and foresight. The other day, I was dining with our lobbyist and loyal friend Mark Siegel, and I told him that it should be brought to Trump’s attention that you always refer to him as Huzoor Sayin – the most respected and venerated.”
Zardari interjected, “Ambassador Sahib, how much do I value you, my dear friend. I don’t know who are you … just in case our call is being tapped! You are a gem … indeed. Genius … pure genius!
“You know, it is only the blessing of our Shaheeds … Sayin Zulfikar Ali Bhutto and Bibi that our Ayyan Ali and Dr. Asim Hussain are free. Ambassador Sahib … Hussain Haqqani, so you too will return to Pakistan in full glory.
“Indeed, it was your masterstroke and of course our Syed Sahib …Yousuf Reza Gilani to issue visas to Americans without due process and bypassing relevant authorities.
“The Americans cannot forget our help. I can discern this obligation on their faces when I meet senior American leaders on my visits to Washington.
“Who else can give such facilities to our American friends that Asif Ali Zardari, the 11th President of Pakistan?
“Neither Trump, nor any of his inner circle drink lassi. So what can Nawaz Sharif offer them!”
Haqqani interjects again, “Indeed President Sahib, and Nawaz Sharif has to read the notes that the Foreign Office gives him.”
“You are right Hussain Haqqani. You need a person like Asif Ali Zardari to please the Americans.
“I am sending Sherry and Aitzaz to Washington next week to work with Seigel to lobby the Trump Administration to incorporate the two-party system of governance in all their dealings with Pakistan.
“Nawaz Sharif will sign anything that he thinks will get him build a few more metro bus systems …
“Haqqani Sahib, this two-party layout eliminates Imran Khan for good.”
Gilani interjects, “President Sahib, your willingness to carry out Shaheed Zulfikar Ali Bhutto’s will is indeed great. May God bless you. May Sayin Bhutto bless you. But I only fear noise-making by Ghinwa.”
Zardari responds, “I am fully aware that when Ghinwa sees the will of our Great Shaheed Zulfikar Ali Bhutto, she will start the old song that she is the widow of Murtaza Bhutto. And that her son, Zulfiqar Ali Bhutto Jr. is the rightful heir.
“Aitzaz Sahib, like you, I too have a London education, and you know that a daughter … Elizabeth became the Queen of England and the line is proceeding from her … so … the rightful heirs are Bilawal, Bakhtawar and Aseefa.
“And Gilani Sahib, you forget this Fatima Bhutto who will start fuming about being the daughter of Murtaza Bhutto.
“Rest assured that I have planned everything. The day I become the President of Pakistan, the second time, and Bilawal the Prime Minister, Bakhtawar, the foreign minister, and Aseefa, the defense minister… Faryal will be interior minister, Dr. Azra will be finance minister and Fouzia will be information minister … I will silence this Fatima Bhutto …
“I will appointFatima Bhutto as our ambassador to Pitcairn Island. You know that I don’t need to remind you that a London education makes the difference … these islands in the southern Pacific Ocean will keep her busy writing whatever prose or poetry or whatever … It is will be enough to shut her mouth … and I will get the foreign ministry to loose the key to islands.
“Aitizaz Sahib, you are a lawyer, so what does the constitution say about the president being the commander-in-chief? I will appoint Munawar Talpur as the Chief of Army Staff.
“I know he is nice man, and we have Faryal to keep him on a tight leash!
“This is True, Undiluted… Organic Democracy… Bhutto Zinda Hayy … Bhutto is Alive!”
Zardari signals the waiter and soon glasses of Chivas are clinking.
“What a tribute to our Great Shaheed Zulfikar Ali Bhutto … all the Chivas to his health!”