The Real Solution is Found

Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif is seated at the head of conference table in the Prime Minsters Secretariat, wistfully looking at two bottomed-up glasses of lassi … But he feels a cheer in air as his inner circle walks in: Punjab Chief Minister and younger brother Shahbaz Sharif, followed by father-in-law of Nawaz Sharif’s daughter Asma Nawaz, and Finance Minister Ishaq Dar, First Daughter Maryam Nawaz Safdar … err Maryam Nawaz, Federal Minister of Information, Broadcasting, and National Heritage Pervez Rashid, Pakistan Muslim League (N) Secretary General Danyal Aziz, and Punjab Law Minister Rana Sanaullah Khan.
The Prime Minister cheerfully announces that he has found the real solution to deal with Imran Khan or rather The Pest. He is not just a thorn in the side, but a pest, the thought of whom crawls all over his body.
He relates that when he was in the London clinic getting his heart repaired that a nurse told him a story, which went like this:
“The lady nurse, who may be older than our First Lady, Kulsoom, was with me one and she told about a British person called Bertie, yes Bertie Wooster … I can’t recall that he was Mr. Bertie Wooster or Sir Bertie Wooster or Lord Bertie Wooster because this gentleman did not need ever to work but was well moneyed. Lucky man, I must say! Here we all are having good money but we have to work. May be in England, rich people don’t work.
“So, this nurse told me that this Wooster person had a servant, like a boy, a chota as well have here, named Jeeves. I think in England they call such person as “gentleman’s personal gentleman.” And whenever, this Wooster person needed some solution, this chota, Jeeves would first eat fish and then think.
“So I asked this nurse that he must have been eating Ravi dayy khaggay.
“She said, it must be cod or something because obviously she has not experienced the power of our Ravi dayy khaggay.
“I told her but fish, you have catch first and then prepare and cook, but my brain tonic is lassi. Then, I got into trouble trying to explain to her what is lassi.
“Any way, I am in top thinking mode this morning and I found a solution to this Imran Khan problem. About dealing with this Pest!
“See, you have seen how Scotland Yard, even if they can call it New Scotland Yard, found Altaf Husain not guilty of money laundering despite finding £500,000 in cash at his house. I mean he is living in Edgeware, which is not as high class as Park Lane where our boys Hasan and Husain live. Finding so much cash in a house in Edgeware did not bother Scotland Yard.
“And you all remember that United States Senate Banking and Finance Committee held hearings and did not find my brother Asif Zardari responsible for money laundering although our beloved brother does not hide his cash under his mattress like Altaf Husain, but keeps it in a bank like City Bank, I think now call it Settee or Citi bank.
“First I have to thank my brother Asif Zardari. You see before this Khurshid Shah was making some noise in the National Assembly about something called TOR. By the way, Dar Sahib, what is this TOR? Transfer of Overseas Resources! But I am not transferring any overseas resources; I am keeping them safely in Panama. Then Aitizaz Ahsan caught the disease and he made some noise about this TOR in the Senate. But now both are quite.
“Indeed, Maryam beti, I must thank my brother Asif Zardari. You should send him an extra big bouquet of red roses with a note from me: ‘Roses are red/The sky is blue/I love you’.
“Now let us come to this fantastic idea I have which should take out all the air from Imran Khan, I mean The Pest’s march on Islamabad.
“We are going to send the inquiry about the so-called Panama Leaks to Scotland Yard. And what Panama Leaks? Isn’t Panama a canal and what do canals have? Water! Simple.
The Prime Minister buzzes for another glass of lassi and states,
“I have formulated another winning move against Imran Khan. Indeed more than one. Now Pervez Sahib and Rana Sahib, and Danyal Sahib, you have get on TV and tell the people of Pakistan about the reality of this Imran Khan. He keeps on repeating that he was the fastest bowler of his time. What nonsense. Every blade of grass in the Jinnah Gardens cricket ground in Lahore is witness to the fact that I used to bat against Imran Khan without a helmet. Indeed, even without a cap!
“When I used to play for Pakistan Railways, then Imran Khan ran away from Pakistan and started playing for counties in England. Some fast bowler!
“And now the Big Bang! I have talked to our loving Sethi Sahib, Najam Sethi to meet with the International Cricket Council to question this Imran Khan’s claim that he won the World Cup.
“I told Sethi Sahib that he should carry with him a case Rooh-Afza, the Champaign of Pakistan, for the members of the ICC and question them about Imran Khan’s claim of winning the World Cup.
“Now tell me how was it the ‘World Cup’ when was USSR, which sometimes they used to call as Soviet Union, playing? Was U.S.A. playing! Were Japan, China, and or even Marshall Island playing?
“Imran Khan keeps acting like he a great cricket captain. But see even our babies did whitewash of West Indies in Dubai … yes, I do have this question. How did they did do the whitewash? Just with chuna, which they call lime in English, or with paint … because I was seeing all those Brighto paint banners in the stadium.
“Hainjee, Pervez Sahib, when my moves are in place, we will flatten Imran Khan before he steps out of his bedroom on November 2nd!
“You know my moves are what they call in chess, the shahmaat, but in English I think they use a banking term Cheque Mate!
“So we will Cheque Mate this Pest!”

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