Reading one of his favorite newspapers, The Washington Times, on Tuesday, August 16, mayor Rudolph Giuliani’s attention was taken by a headline that announced that Sarah Palin had lost her political clout.
“Lord God be praised,” he blurted, as he crossed himself, adding, “Saint Paul be praised. Hallelujah!”
The thrice married Rudy Giuliani had caused a bit of discomfort when, he was asked after Pope Benedict’s St. Patrick’s Catholic Mass if, “he was uncomfortable with having broken the Church ban on the divorced and remarried receiving Communion,” Rudy Giuliani answered, “No.”
Some had sneered at his arrogance! In the presence of the Pope, he had declares that he is above the rules of the Roman Catholic Church. He knows that he is prohibited from receiving Communion because of his marital status.
And there’s more to rile some Catholics: He also knows his pro-abortion, pro-partial birth abortion, pro-funding of abortion stands separates him from the Roman Catholic Church.
But that was April 2008.
But Hallelujah, now things seemed rosier.
His rival for the Secretary of Homeland Security Department … The United States Department of Homeland Security … has faded.
Sarah Palin’s latest effort to unseat a Republican leader fell short when House Speaker Paul D. Ryan cruised to a victory in his primary, easily dispatching the insurgent Palin had backed.
It was the latest episode in which the 2008 Republican vice presidential nominee has seen her star fall as the Tea Party movement she championed has splintered and the former Alaska governor’s populist appeal has been overshadowed by GOP presidential nominee Donald Trump’s far more outspoken campaign.
Yes Sarah Palin had endorsed The Donald ahead of the Iowa caucuses and he had deployed her on the campaign trail for him in Florida, but then he has kept her at arm’s length since wrapping up the race.
She didn’t speak at the Republican National Convention and has been pushed to the side as a surrogate. And Trump elevated me!
Here is my opening for sailing into 3801 Nebraska Ave NW, Washington, D.C.
I will show the office of the Secretary of Homeland Security Department … The United States Department of Homeland Security … what Secretary Jehovah Charles “Jeh” Johnson could never.
With such brightness of mind and resolve, the former mayor of New York City sought and secured a one-to-one meeting with The Donald.
“Eh, should I address you as ‘Mr. President’”
“Yes, of course Rudy. Don’t forget that I was asking all those little fellas to step aside as I am the GOP nominee and you have it. So, yes, I am Mr. President – the 45th President of these United States!”
“Right on, Donald … The Donald … Er … Mr. President. I want to congratulate you for that epoch-making speech … the Youngstown, Ohio, declaration will mark your presidency.
“Indeed, no one else than I endorse your clearly stated principle that will govern all our decisions pertaining to immigration: ‘We should only admit into this country those who share our values and respect our people.’ There are no ifs, buts, whatever about this.
“This is our Declaration of Freedom from foreigners!”
Trump interjected: “Hallelujah Rudy. Ha ha ha … my temporary ban on all Muslims from entering the U.S. Have you even seen me doing me doing any temporary this or that?
“A ban is a ban is a ban. Forever!”
“Indeed … Donald … er … Mr. President. You have my services for drawing a cast iron test for these Mozlem … Islamic … dessert niggers … whatever! None of them will be able to get not even F minus, I’d say rather D-minus.
“Mr. President, your words must be chiseled in granite, ‘Just as we won the Cold War, in part by exposing the evils of communism and the virtues of free markets, so too must we take on the ideology of radical Islam.’ … I would rather say ‘Islam’. Period.
“Mr. President who else than I can agree with you that we will thoroughly question Muslims and examine their social media for evidence of commitment to gay rights, gender equality and religious freedom.
“Mr. President, if I, Rudolph Giuliani were the Secretary of Homeland Security Department … The United States Department of Homeland Security … I would make it a real test. I mean, you know how awful these Muslims are. Oh, anyone can lie and say that they were born loving gays and all that, but I propose a real test: err, my department … I mean the Homeland Security Department … The United States Department of Homeland Security … will question them about the dietary habits. Simple!
“Mr. President, you know, Jared, your son-in-law in a Jew, and you know how these guys become squeamish when pork chops are placed before them. Same is with Muslims. Imagine Mitt squirming before a cup of coffee or a glass of bubbly!!! Ha ha ha … The Mitt Romney Test.”
Trump interjects, “Yes, Rudy. And now Ivanka shuns the offerings at our own Trump Towers Cafe, BLT and all that’s not kosher. Shoot.”
Giuliani resumes, “Mr. President, every Muslim will be asked these basic questions, just simple yes and no … (a) What is your normal breakfast … what is a real American breakfast … eggs and bacon! Let’s see how many tell the truth! (b) What is a BLT … yes, what is a BLT … Ha ha ha … Brooklyn Long Tunnel … Really! Go to back to your hell … and how many BLTs you have for lunch. Yes, how do you assemble a Real American BLT!”
The Donald arises and hugs Rudy hard … a hug that would make Joe Biden blush: “Rudy you are the essence! You got the truth! You got the Real American Spirit! Yeah, they’ll be forever in love with gays, but aha ha, BLT …
“Rudy, I will add another … You know Rudy that I was captain of the baseball team. I was supposed to be a professional baseball player. Fortunately, I decided to go into real estate instead. I played first base and I also played catcher. I was a good hitter. I just had a good time.
“So, besides your gem of a question about eating pork products! Rudy that’s a helluva of a question. I bet Iowa pork farmer will be fawning over me. Hey someone call Senator Grassley … Chuck’s a darling of our great pork producers!”
Rudy interjects, “Mr. President, thank you. I know how the deal with ‘em liars! Mr. President, you know that I was a public prosecutor. And our sainted President Reagan, in1981, appointed me Associate Attorney General, the third-highest position in the Department of Justice. “
“Yes, Rudy you are the Great Patriotic American … yes, I was talking baseball. So now add these questions to your list and tell me how many of these Mozlems will be able to answer them: we will have a sheet of paper with an unmarked baseball diamond … your know Rudy, I nearly bought the Mets … ha ha ha … I bet those Mozlems will think that we are asking about pizza!
“Ha ha ha … Mr. President. Yes, those greedy foreigners! I mean Mozlems.”
“Rudy add to your list that they will be required to mark on the diamond – not their slice of pizza — where they will place the shortstop, left fielder, center fielder, and the right fielder.
“I bet, Rudy, none will be answer this question, and not to mention your nuclear option … the BLT question!
“Rudy, I am sure that our brother-in-arms across the Pond over squishing those Mozlems, Boris Johnson, the Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs .. Boris Johnson will surely be having all those cricket fielding positions in the questionnaire for those Araab applicants … those sand niggers …
“Rudy, I can’t wait for Friday, January 20, 1917 –- 1917 The Year of Our Lord. That will be my first executive order.”
Giuliani quickly crosses himself and they hug tightly and move toward the door.