Manage? Climate?

The three times Prime Minister of Pakistan Nawaz Sharif has gone bottoms up on his third glass of lassi when a forwarded tweet harkens a crease on his brow.

“Hainji,” he whispers to himself, “who is this Adil Najam who is saying that my gornamint … acha Shbaz Sahib reminded me yesterday that it is g-o-v-e-r-n-m-e-n-t, okay, anything. But who is this Adil Najam? I am sure he is some member of Imran party.

“Now what is this that upsets him that the Government of Nawaz Sharif, three times Prime Minister of the Islamic Republic of Pakistan, spends Rs. 594 million on managing media, and Rs. 545 million on climate change.”

Nawaz Sharif gives a shout out to his Special Assistant for Political Affairs, Dr. Sayed Asif Saeed Kirmani.

“Kirmani Sahib political affairs is your area of expertise. Who is this Adil Najam? I think he is some member of Imran party. Definitely he is not related our beloved Najam Sethi Sahib!”

Kirmani punches a few on his smartphone and tells him that Najam is the dean, Pardee School of Global Studies at Boston University, and professor of International Relations, Earth & Environment. Formerly, he was Vice Chancellor LUMS (Pakistan).

“Acha, so sitting in Boston, he is raising questions over managing this and that in Pakistan. Now tell me that how he manages climate in Boston? Kirmani Sahib, you know London. Sometimes it is raining, and sometimes for few minutes the sun comes out. Even the mighty British government cannot manage climate and he is telling me that the Government of Three Times Prime Minister of Pakistan is not managing climate. Hainjee, who can manage climate! When it is summer, it will be hot, and when it is winter, it will be cold.

“Kirmani Saib, in fact, I will like you to ask the Mahkama Mosimyat … I mean Weather Department … but it should be Weathers Department as there are different weathers like it is not Mosim but Mosimyat .… that what they are doing with Rs.545 million? Anyone can look at a thermometer and tell how many degree cold, how many degrees hot.

“Hainji when I was in the clinic in London, the nurse used to come every two to three hours to see how hot and cold I am. In fact, I asked her why she doesn’t come every half hour!

“Rs.545 million is not pocket money for checking a thermometer! I can build Orange Line to connect Jati Umrah for this kind of money.

“Someone has to ask this Adil Najam that how he is managing climate in Boston, where I am told it also snows. Hot weather, cold weather, rainy weather, and snowy weather! So, how is Adil Najam managing climate?

“Kirmani Sahib, but I must thank this Adil for letting me know that our government is spending Rs.545 million of climate. I am calling Shbaz Sahib now that he should get Orange Line extended to Jati Umrah for this amount.

The second, he let Kirmani go back to his office, when the TV screen was filled with the countenance of his former ally, Chaudhry Muhammad Sarwar saying that he has released a white paper on state of governance and human rights in Punjab.

The Prime Minister reverts to whispering to himself.

“How old is Chaudhry Sahib. When I was making him Governor of Punjab right on this day in 2013, he told me that he was 61 years old. I am 66 now and Chaudhry Sahib is 64. Even I know that you cannot read from a white paper! So why is he losing his mind so soon?

“He is saying that he is releasing a white paper but he is reading from it. Either he has invisible ink, which I don’t think even our ISI has, or he is lying, or he losing his mind.

“Hainjee who can read from white paper!

“When I am coming into my office, on way, I can see packets of white paper on desks of the secretaries.

He he he, he is saying more than 16 people were electrocuted in Lahore. So don’t you know if you touch exposed wire you get electrocuted?

“I don’t know if Chaudhury Sahib still has his UK health insurance card, he should go to London to get his head examined.

Heartily laughing to himself, Nawaz Sharif declares, “Chaudhury Sahib can read from white paper! Yes, read from white paper! May be too much of bad company of Imran has created this problem. May be he could not recover from the loss of his job.

“Next time, I will make any speech, I will ask them that guess who can read from white paper! Of course Chaudhry Muhammad Sarwar! He he he he.

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