Ex-President. Yes, So What!

Asif Ali Zardari, the ex-President of Pakistan, presently resident – or some claim, self-exiled — in his palace-like mansion in Dubai, and ambles himself into a poolside chaise lounge chair.

His waiter follows with a crystal bowl full of ice cubes and a bottle of Glenfiddich 50 Year Old Single Malt Scotch Whisky.

He empties the ice cubes in the pool. The moment calls for the undiluted.

A glance at the bottle brings a smile that as president he ordered the best and stored it at the best place, his own home in Dubai. Here a whispered guffaw escapes, “Mamnoon Hasan! He is a paan person, what would he have done with all this good stuff!” he ponders.

Thank God, I did not have to go to Saudi Arabia like Nawaz Sharif. And under a murmur whispers to himself that it is OK for Nawaz Sharif because he doesn’t go beyond lassi. Another murmured guffaw overcomes him. Lassi!

I am really disgusted at the way every Tom, Dick and Harry, all these saaja maaja are baying at Bilawal and the protocol issue. Who deserves more protocol than the grandson of Shaheed Zulfikar Ali Bhutto, son of Shaheed Bibi, and son of the ex-President of Pakistan, by the way the only president who completed his five-year term! Don’t poor die in Pakistan every day? How many died in the Thar drought.

Sayin Qaim Ali Shah’s government issued a report last year that 311 children under five years of age died between December 2013 and November 2014 there.

The media and that enemy of all real politicians Imran Khan are stirring up emotions. One baby girl is not the end of the world!

I mean if the entrance atthat hospital was closed, is the Civil Hospital the only one in Karachi. That callous father could have taken his daughter to Aga Khan or one of the Ziauddin hospitals! He can’t blame it on Bilawal but only his own lethargy.

I am told on good authority that the majority of the married couples there have an average of eight children. So?

I mean are they educated enough to count up to eight!

What the hell? They are playing this Civil Hospital everywhere like this is a requested song. So if Imran Khan can build cancer hospitals in Lahore and Peshawar, why my son can’t visit Civil Hospital in Karachi? Does it make sense to anyone?

I don’t know in what overcame me that I did not give myself a five-year extension in the presidency. Really.

During my time, these two-penny Rangers used to stay locked up in their camps and see them now. The way they are torturing poor Asim Hussain. The man who is running five hospitals across Karachi, totaling over 600 beds, is being treated like they picked up someone from the street. Dr. Asim is a man of principles. If he has business dealings with me, then he has the right to keep that information to himself. You know that I am the kind of person, always a friend of friends. I deal fairly.

I think that Imran Khan’s prediction of the third umpire is coming true. Our Sayin Qaim Shah tells the Rangers that Sindh has the constitutional right to limit their function, and what next, they squeeze Nisar Ali Khan’s neck and get their extension and on their own terms.

I have to call Nawaz Sharif today and ask him to first take a glass of lassi before I ask him this question: Is he is in the saddle or the generals?

Even after I have left the presidency, I have more guts than this Man of Lassi, Nawaz Sharif. Didn’t I put the army’s heads in a spin when I warned them in July mein aap ki eent say eent baja donga?

Now these Rangers have come with a catchy slogan that they are fighting corruption, and everyone and grandmother is impressed. They should list to our respect Sayin Qim Ali Shah who very succinctly explained that corruption is a wide term and has multiple aspects and faces.

That should settle all this corruption drama.

Who! I didn’t run away, I can decide to live in any property I own anywhere in the world. I am not like Nawaz Sharif living in a borrowed palace in Jeddah; I am living in my own property in Dubai.

You know that when your back is against the wall, everyone looks down on you. The same Altaf Hussain who used seek my help is now supporting Rangers! Imagine Rangers. And since his party has won the local body elections, I have not been able to get through him. The operator keeps asking that “which Asif” and there are “so many Zardaris” around Sindh.

Our Farooq Naek bravely defends Ayyan Ali, and now they are keeping her away from travel. Poor girl was only carrying half-a-million dollars. What a fuss? You can’t stuff $5 million in a carryon bag. Even Biawal would get exhausted pulling a carryon heavy with half-a-million dollars. Ayyan was always on call ready to carry cash.

Last year when I went to Washington, D.C. in June, Vice President Biden came to meet me. Not only that, he brought along with him, the Governor of Virginia Terry McAuliffe and a bunch of Senators, Congressmen and senior officials. I mean this is the difference. The Americans know how to show respect to ex-Presidents.

When I told him that our Shaheed Bbi had sacrificed her life fighting terrorism, Biden’s eyes just bulged out, like they were the size of walnuts!

Enough is enough. I am going to instruct Bilawal that the next time, anyone stirs up any such nonsense like protocol, he should tell them frankly that my father has the will where my mother, Shaheed Bibi, made my father and me the rightful heirs of this country.

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