Spoil Sports, Rather Spoil Joys


Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif enters his office, glancing at his desk, pleased that a member of his party has withstood the legal challenge to his assembly seat, when a headline from the Daily Times rivets his attention. Riveting the Prime Minister’s attention is a big order though.

He is irritated the see the headline declaring “Lahore’s Disneyland like theme park to cost Rs 36bn.” The head of government is visibly irritated and mutters to himself: ‘How many times, how many times, do I have to remind them that all expenditures should reported only in British Pound Sterling. This Billion, Shillion, Trillion nonsense has to STOP.

Even before calling for his morning glass of lassi, he calls his little brother, Shahbaz Sharif in Lahore:

“Did you see today’s newspapers? Why this Daily Times has to put this headline:

“Lahore’s Disneyland like theme park to cost Rs 36bn”? Aren’t they getting enough government advertising? Aren’t their people getting their envelopes?

“My dear little brother, first everyone was saying why we made M-2 Motorway. So now when we tell them that the entertainment park will be built off it, they start a new drama – we never called it Disney or any land, or shand!

“I was only seeing Lahore’s children whose parents can afford to take them there enjoying life. Of course, we can’t open it to street children and disturb the color scheme with some children in worn out tattered clothes and with not even a flip-flop on their feet. Never!

“What more! This project is being done in association with the Punjab Labor Department, where 2,900 apartments would be built for industrial workers and labor. Right! This is another brilliant idea from the House of Sharifs! The laborers’ children can enjoy from their housing colonies by watching the lights and people having fun. They will get a feel how the 0001% of Pakistanis live!

“It is not just a park, it would also have a five-star hotel, fish aquarium, business and shopping centers, state-of-the-art rides and a breathtaking rollercoaster.

“Imagine the labor colony children boasting in their schools that they live near a Sheraton or a Marriott! Just imagine their pride.

“Indeed, I am thinking of asking Husain Nawaz in London to see if he can get along with The Ritz or Claridges hotels to come to our park.

“Nothing makes our critics satisfied. In fact, the real location of this park should have been our Jati Umrah area with its fresh and pleasing air! Just because of all this M-2 noise, I had to suggest this location.

“Shahbaz Sahib, order the Information Ministry to hire a public relations firm to start a campaign within 24 hours. Someone told me that in America, Disneyland annual pass is now costing over $1,000. Yes, one thousand American dollars, which is Pak Rs 105465. This much when per capita income in our country is $1,513, which is Rs 159568.

“I don’t know how to satisfy our people! We are bringing them an entertainment park in Lahore so they don’t need go to USA – if they get a visa though – and pay a full year’s income for an entry pass! That is per head!

“One more thing, Shahbaz Sahib, ask this public relations company to tell people that the fish in the aquarium will be for watching only. We don’t want to have people walking in with fishing rods and nets!!!

“Shahbaz Sahib, we need to investigate. I am sure that Imran Khan is behind creating these questions about our park because it will be ready before the 2018 elections. He fears he will have one less election card!

“I mean they are Spoil Sports, Rather Spoil Joys.”

The Little Brother interjects, “Bhaijan, someone tells me that the correct expression is Kill Joys.”

“OK, then Kill Joys, but really Murder Joys. Imran Khan wants to suppress a sure vote getter of ours in 2018.”

“Bhaijan, on this I agree with you 100%!”

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