It is Unlawful to talk about the Poor before your Guests

Pakistan Peoples Party co-chairman and former president of Pakistan, Asif Zardari has made conference call linking Nawaz Sharif, the perpetual leader of his eponymous faction of the Pakistan Muslim League and his brother Shahbaz Sharif, leader of the opposition in the National Assembly and president of his brother’s party, to discuss the visit of the Saudi crown prince, Mohammad Bin Salman (MBS).

Zardari, who a few piled up ashtrays in front of him and constantly topped glass of wine, declares, “My dear Nawaz and Shahbaz, thank God that Imran Khan did not invite us to his dinner for MBS. As far as I remember that I have always heard that one should talk about nice things while eating. Would you talk about bedsores while enjoying your dinner of filet mignon, fois gras, and Chablis?”

Nawaz Sharif quickly offers, “When I went to meet with Bill Clinton on July 4, 1999 to discuss Kargil…”

Zardari interrupts, “You mean the mess created by [then chief of army staff] Musharraf?”

Nawaz continues, “Yes, my brother yes. When Mr. Bill invited me to have coffee with him, I asked him if the White House has any lassi. Any way, in short, I did not talk about sad things but I asked him about real estate prices in America, and about investment opportunities in America. Mr. Bill remained in such mood that he told me that your army is in the wrong here. Yes, I know, now Mr. Bill is saying that he never invited me because it was their July 4 holiday, and he wanted to go out and play his music… I think he called it saxophone.”

Shahbaz asks, “Bhaijan [dearest brother], you mean Mr. Bill is fond of sex, but he also plays a saxophone!”

Nawaz, who received the call in his hospital room, continued, “We should not be talking about sex on the phone, may be in my sub-jail, someone may be recording us.”

Zardari rejoins the conversation, “My brother such a shame that at a state dinner, the prince is told about the poor working conditions of Pakistani blue collar workers in Saudi Arabia.

“Really, Imran Khan is so naïve and inexperienced that he thinks that the prince socializes with our blue collar workers. My brothers, isn’t it an insult to Pakistan that it’s prime minister is talking about blue collar workers and Pakistanis in Saudi jails.”

Nawaz adds, “My brother did you hear what MBS said, “He declared that this $20 billion investment is just the beginning and much more will follow because they were waiting for such a leader (Imran Khan) to invest in Pakistan.

Shahbaz adds, “You will see how Imran Khan and his party will keep on repeating this figure when MBS has signed a $44 billion oil refinery in India.”

Zardari interrupts, “My dears, I am considering this $20 billion and coming. Yes, Shahbaz, $20 billion is not $44 billion, but the pivotal matter is that how much you can take home of it.”

This time, Nawaz interrupts, “My dear Asif, this is all our work. If Imran wants to take credit, God bless, but he cannot come anywhere near us. It was I who laid the foundation for this when King Abdullah brought my family and me to Saudi Arabia and gave us his palace.”

Once again Zardari enters the conversation, “My friends, I am more concerned about MBS saying that they were waiting for such a leader. You know I have appealed to our media to help unseat Imran Khan’s government, but this means that when we will succeed, we will be unwelcome by the Saudis.

“My dear Nawaz and Shahbaz, we need to heighten our media campaign because a lot more of the poor people in our country will be liking Imran. I would say that you have quarter million workers in Saudi Arabia, imagine the vote bank that Imran is grabbing. You know what bothers me that I am told that some Pakistanis are saying that we don’t want to leave this country to Bhutto or Sharifs children. Of course, we cannot allow such thinking to flourish in Pakistan.

“Do you have any suggestions? But I have made up my mind. Religion is the best weapon to fight this scourge. So, our best weapon is Maulana Fazlur Rehman [chief of his eponymous faction of the Jamiat Ulema-i Islam] because NAB [National Accountability Bureau] has initiated 17 inquiries against his younger brother [former Commissioner Afghan Refugees Ziaur Rehman]. He too will not be spared. Like us, he too is NAB affected. Right now I am calling him to lead a fatwa campaign against Imran that it is unlawful to talk about the poor before your guests.”

Imran Khan has his Priorities Wrong

The leader of the opposition in the National Assembly of Pakistan and chairman of its public accounts committee (PAC), Shahbaz Sharif and his niece, Maryam Nawaz Sharif Safdar, have summoned their favorite TV anchor Saleem Safi who airs Jirga with Saleem Safi on GEO TV, at their palatial Jati Umra estate near Lahore.

Sharif starts his talk, “Saleem, you are among the few Pakistani media people who know the real value of great leaders like myself, my brother, the three times prime minister of Pakistan, Mian Mohammad Nawaz Sharif, and our brother Asif Zardari. We are the people who know how to run the government.

“You can see… I mean even a blind man can see what mess Imran Khan has created in these six months due to all his anti-corruption mania. I say please God this nightmare should end.

“You know how the National Accountability Bureau (NAB) locked me. They are not even sparing children. They are pursuing my sons. They are harassing our brother Asif Zardari. Even his innocent son, Bilawal is not spared.

“Yes, I accept and my brother Asif [Zardari] also accepts that we, the PPP [Pakistan Peoples Party] and our PML-N [Pakistan Muslim League-Nawaz] jointly appointed retired Justice Javed Iqbal as the NAB chairman, so see what he has done so far. NAB put up weak cases against us. I am now on bail. Soon my brother [Nawaz] will be free. My Maryam is free… our [Maryam’s husband] Safdar is free.

“Saleem, what I called you for today is the suffering of our dearest [former railways minister Saad [Rafique] and his brother at the hands of NAB.

“These brothers, yes these brothers who love my great brother, our perpetual leader Nawaz Sharif have been put up in a 100 year jail where the constantly peeling paint is another tool of harassment for them.

“Saleem, you must have also heard that they were brought to court in a 60 year old vehicle, which caused them so much discomfort that their legs started aching. It is an insult… such degradation is an insult to the great leaders of our country.”

Maryam offers, “You know my father is being treated in jail like one of those prisoners who are locked up for stealing two naan [bread]. He was given a room with a TV set only to [the government-run] PTV. His inability to see his beloved anchors like you has caused him much pain. I am afraid for his heart.

“Saleem, does humanity requires that a person who has lost his beloved wife should be treated as such?”

Shahbaz takes over again, “Now Imran Khan is receiving the Saudi prince [Mohammad Bin Salman] and telling the people that the kingdom will invest $14 billion in Pakistan. And of course, they gave Pakistan $6 billion before too.”

Maryam interrupts again, “But Saleem, all this was done by my father. Imran Khan cannot take credit for anything. Not even the 1992 World Cup because he had retired from cricket, and my father asked his beloved president, General Ziaul Haq to persuade Imran to lead the Pakistan team. I have given you the facts and I know you are among those who are loyal to our family, even though when we are not able to present you cash-filled envelopes.”

Shahbaz adds, “Maryam… Saleem., don’t worry, I will raise this issue in my PAC that why jails were not upgraded… haven’t six month passed and no jail or prison vehicle has been upgraded.

“I mean for more than 22 years, Imran Khan has been talking about justice and going after corruption, so didn’t he know that pursuing the corrupt will require jails.”

Maryam drops in her word, “You will agree with Uncle Asif that Imran Khan lacks deliverance capacity.”

Shahbaz continues, “See Saleem, my Maryam put it so succinctly. You see that to no end, Imran Khan and his people are praising MBS that how he tackled corruption and recovered more than $100 billion from powerful people. But did he lock them up in dilapidated prisons? Did he transport them in rickety aging vehicles?

“No. He locked them up in the five-star Ritz-Carlton, where they were put up in luxurious suites. They were ridden in Mercedes-Maybachs, not 60-year armed personal carriers! And you know, Imran has auctioned all the luxury cars that my brother and Asif had acquired for the president’s and prime minister’s houses. This senseless man, even auctioned off my brother’s beloved buffaloes… Saleem, you too have enjoyed the fantastic lassi made from their milk.

“I don’t know how such hard-hearted person could build not one but two cancer hospitals for the needy.

“I have heard that Imran is upset that NAB did not put up a strong case against me and the high court released me. But the cases are still pending against us… against the Zardari family, and so many fine people who always paid us our due. So if Imran says that he will not relent, he should think about providing better jails and better transport.

“Yes, I am going to move it in the PAC that a priori the funds received from Saudi Arabia should be used for building five-star plus jails in Lahore, Karachi and Islamabad. Does Imran expect to imprison Asif Zardari, who owns palaces in France and flats in Manhattan in a dilapidated jail? Is it fair? Is it sensible? Doesn’t he now that he has a minister of human rights?

“This is why I will get it voted that similar luxurious jails should be built in hill stations like Murree too. I will also get it voted that Mercedes-Maybachs should be provided at all jails. We can’t be driven around like poor naan thieves!

“Our families… the Sharif family and Zardari family have majority in the Senate, we will get our way with the $14 billion that MBS has given. All this belongs to those who dedicate themselves to public service. Things need to be corrected because Imran Khan has his priorities wrong.”

All who are Vying for Political Office in America Must be vetted for their Loyalty to Israel

House of Representatives Speaker Nancy Pelosi, bothered by an onset of enhanced physiologic tremor like symptoms asked the Office of Attending Physician (OAP), which serves the members’ medical needs, to send her a wheelchair.

She had asked her secretary to urgently summon the entire House Democratic leadership team, Majority Leader Steny Hoyer, Majority Whip James E. Clyburn, Assistant Speaker Ben Ray Luján, Caucus Chairman Hakeem Jeffries, Caucus Vice Chair Katherine Clark and House foreign affairs committee chair Rep. Eliot Engel to discuss the situation arising out of the Rep. Ilhan Omar’s (D- Minn.) use of anti-Semitic tropes in a tweet.

Lo and behind a convoy of wheelchairs entered her office because all of her invitees have experienced similar symptoms after learning about Omar’s tweet.

At their sight, the exasperated speaker, third in line of American succession, should the president and vice president become unable to run the government, declares, “O God, everyone! When did you get the tremors? My tremors started the moment I heard about this horrific tweet. Oh God, it looks like I am running a preschool daycare and not the House of Representatives of the United States.”

Engel, angrily shouts, “Nancy, you and you alone created this… Weren’t the Saudis imploring us not to put her there? Nancy you know that the Saudis have 29 firms and individuals on their payroll. It was just not one solitary call that you can say that you missed, if they were calling me, they must be calling you too. Yes, yes, to some liberal ears, her moralization over Trump’s support for their war on Yemen may have sounded sweet, but these girls are a danger to all of us… even if you momentarily don’t think about this scarf girl’s anti-Semitism, her opposition to selling arms to the Saudis is horrific too. [Israeli prime minister] Benjamin [Netanyahu] has told me so many times that what Saudi… I mean the crown prince, MBS [Mohammad Bin Salman], means to him. And Nancy, do you know, not just my Democratic committee members… I mean Abigail [Spanberger – D. Va.)… you know, like me, how devoted she is to Israel… but also all the Republican members were driving me nuts.

“Now this scarf girl hits at our AIPAC [America Israel Public Affairs Committee]… You are saying that she apologized. No. Are you serious? Did you read what she said… ‘I expect people to hear me when others attack me for my identity’. She has the audacity to consider that God’s Chosen People are equal to hers… I mean those Mozlems. No! No! No!”

Clyburn adds, “Nancy, did you see that swarm of post-it notes on this Omar’s door? They aren’t those pre-Valentine post-it notes; these are post-its of support appreciating her; encouraging her. Nancy, you should ask the Sergeant at Arms [the House chief law enforcement] to secure all these post-its and get a handwriting expert to trace them. They too should apologize for supporting an anti-Semite.”

A cornered Pelosi quickly crosses herself and whimpers, “Guys I told you that I feel like I am running a preschool daycare. I thought that AOC [Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY)] was more than a handful. And now comes Ilhan… O God.”

An agitated Hoyer, trying to steady his trembling legs and hands, states, “Nancy, does this girl knows English? Certainly, she doesn’t know how to apologize to Israel. Is this an apology. Look what she said… ‘I reaffirm the problematic role lobbyists in our politics, whether it be AIPAC, the NRA or the fossil fuel industry. It’s gone on too long and we must be willing to address it.’

“Nancy what sort of an apology is this where you dis the pillars of our great American democracy!”

Engel regains his speech a trifle, although his head is still trembling, “You all have read my statement on our committee’s website. You have to tell her that she includes in her apology my words, which I will read to you [with trembling fingers, he holds a piece of paper] ‘I will ensure support for Israel remains strong and bipartisan and I will shine a light on the evil of anti-Semitism and the danger it poses. I will make the case to Members on both side of the aisle that our alliance and friendship with Israel are important to our countries’ shared interests, security, and values. This has always been the basis of the U.S.-Israel relationship, and it’s the reason why members on both sides have been strong supporters of that relationship’.”

Pelosi, who is trembling all over, offers, “I asked three of the physicians who are our [House] colleagues Neal Dunn [MD, D-Fla.] and Roger Marshall [MD, R-Kan.] about my tremors. Perhaps you all have the same cause. They said that onset of enhanced physiologic tremor was caused by the horrific shock and anxiety caused by Omar’s tweet… I mean anti-Semitic tweet.

“You know [Judiciary Chairman Rep. Jerold Nadler [D-N.Y.] issued his statement that Ilhan’s deeply hurtful and offensive originate from old tropes born of hate-filled texts like the Protocols of the Elders of Zion.

“God bless Chelsea [Clinton] met with Ilhan, but I mean even while agreeing to meet with her, she asks her to join her in building an inclusive movement for justice.

“O God, how to drill into her hijab-clad head that America is a Judeo-Christian country and you cannot ask AIPAC to stop nurturing us.”

Engel, who can’t control his trembling head, offers, “Nancy, these Ilhan people cannot understand the Jewish suffering. The lesson is that all who are vying for political office in America must be vetted for their loyalty to Israel.”

The Future of American Exceptionalism Lies in Selling the Maximum Quantity of Arms

Prof. Gidh Chorbazar, chairman of the department of international relations at Swineberg University, and Dr. Chuck Hawtayer, chairman of the Institute of American Exceptionalism are speaking on the panel on “Peace in Afghanistan and the Future of American Exceptionalism” at the Institute.

Hawtayer leads the discussion, “Professor Chorbazar you know that since 1776, America has been at war 93% of the time, which is 222 out of its 329 years. So what do you see from the peace talks in Afghanistan?”

Chorbazar, re-adjusts his glasses, and offers, “Chuck, do you trust anything that Pakistan does? All we see is that the Pakistani prime minister Imran Khan is pushing his point that he had been calling for a peaceful solution to the Afghan conflict for more than decade.

“We know that President Trump seems to be looking like he is ready to cut and run, but I don’t see any negatives for our American weapons producers. With the money saved from Afghanistan, he surely has a war or two up his sleeve. I am sure that there is plan to his madness. He has had 2020 on his mind since the final election results were called on November 8, 2016. He won’t leave his financial arm, the arms makers in the lurch.”

Hawtayer asks, “Could we talk a little more about Pakistani cooperation here?”

Chorbazar, quickly jumps on this question, “First… Chuck, first, let it be clear that this Pakistani ‘support’ for the Taliban talks in nothing of Pakistan’s doing. I mean see how Pakistan keeps arguing with India over Kashmir.

“You should lay all this on Trump’s doorstep. The way he cut off all aid to Pakistan and launched those aggressive tweets… his tweets were not all off the cuff. All this put pressure on the Pakistanis to be more accommodative of American interests.

“I am still at a loss to find why the Trump Administration has not involved India in this project. India is the biggest in the region, and the Afghan government is close to India and not Pakistan”

Hawtayer interjects, “But professor, the Afghan… the Ghani government is nowhere near these talks…”

Chorbazar offers, “But India would have insisted that the Ghani government should be there. Ghani is India’s ally. And Imran Khan has helped the Taliban cut off Ghani and also India. Pakistan has nothing to offer and their prime minister is tweeting about Pakistani losses of 75,000 people in the war against terror and their key role in maintaining NATO supply lines to Afghanistan.”

Hawtayer quickly adds, “Indeed, Pakistani lives… Aren’t they concerned about their overpopulation?”

Chorbazar continues, “India’s greatest concern, and let us note here that India has the money to buy American weaponry… is that peace in Afghanistan will provide Pakistan the luxury of diverting its Taliban partners to Kashmir.

“Chuck if you note that Pakistan was not playing ball… we… I mean India… have much influence in the Trump Administration, much beyond Nikki Haley. But you know with Trump ill at ease in Afghanistan, the United States had to go along with Pakistan, and talk to the Taliban only.

“I am still skeptical about this peace deal. Trump could have easily brought in India.

Pakistan is running short of foreign exchange reserves and it cannot afford to see Afghanistan slide into chaos just as Pakistan is trying to attract foreign investors to shore up its own economy.

“This is not in India’s interest. You know Chuck, the moment Pakistan gets healthier, they will start bothering India.

“Not only the Taliban, but also the United States are lauding Pakistan’s role in bringing the Taliban to the negotiating table. I read somewhere that a senior U.S. official, who declined to be identified, said of Pakistan’s role in the talks, that they know it just wouldn’t be possible without their support.

“India will not stand idle and cut any positives built by Pakistan.”

Hawtayer asks, “Professor, you know both Nawaz Sharif and Zardari administrations were always accommodative. They have their interests in the United States, and whenever we said do more, they would bend backwards to follow our command. But this Imran Khan tweeted that now we will do what is best for our people and our interests.”

Chorbazar adds, “I am still amazed that the United States did nothing to assure a more resilient government in Pakistan and elections were held there last year. But at least I see some action. Both the United State Institute of Peace and Harvard’s Lakshmi Mittal and Family South Institute invited Zardari’s son, Bilawal, to give talks. The United States has a handle on the Zardaris with their extensive real estate and financial holdings in our country. But till that time, Washington should remain hesitant to become too hopeful about Pakistan’s change in posture.

“I am sure that Trump will see that India is not sidelined. He knows that America’s best friends are those who buy American arms. He knows that India has the funds to buy the most beautiful American arms. He knows that the future of American exceptionalism lies in selling the maximum quantity of arms.”

Buying Beautiful Weapons, Wins Friends

Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman (MBS) is meeting his security advisors Dabae Aldhiyb and Jihaz Thaelab aboard his super yacht, Serene, anchored off the Red Sea coast.

A Saudi naval flotilla stands guard.

Both of his advisors were trained at Erik Prince’s Academi, the security company formerly called Blackwater USA… who is brother of U.S. Education Secretary Betsy DeVos.

MBS is more than agitated over the New York Times report that the United States is getting closer to delivering answers for the murder of Washington Post journalist Jamal Khashoggi in 2018.

He angrily stares at the print of that news item and declares, “Indeed, Abu Ivanka [President Trump] is right about the pulp, which calls itself as the New York Times. Yes, horrible and totally dishonest reporting on almost everything they write.”

Aldhiyb seeks permission to speak, and offers, “Your Royal Highness, it is this newspaper’s strategy to keep their liberal base happy. Your Royal Highness, I have learnt that they have added more than 60,000 subscribers just be running lots of Trump stories, almost all of them negative!

“Your Royal Highness is being used by them similarly.

Your Royal Highness, they act like they are sitting in our homes. They lie big time… now this that a year before Jamal’s [Khashoggi] death, Your Royal Highness had told him that if he did not return to the kingdom and cease his silly writing, you would put “a bullet” in him.

“God forbid, Your Royal Highness, they are claiming like they were sitting your ghutra [headdress].”

Thaelab takes his turn seeking permission to speak, and says, “Your Royal Highness, this UN… calls itself United Nations, but really has lost all significance. Your Royal Highness, they too are trying to ride to fame on the UN’s shoulders. Now they are saying that Khashoggi’s death was ‘planned and perpetrated’ by us.”

MBS growls, “I would like to know what are our lobbyists doing. The year before last, we spent more than $27 million on our U.S. lobbying efforts. And this is what we get.

“I am going to do what [Egyptian president] El-Sisi did. He tried to stop his interview on an American TV channel when that failed; he dressed down his lobbyist and terminated the contract.”

Thaelab seeks permission and declares, “Your Royal Highness, indeed this is the way to deal with these people. If they were in Cairo, President El-Sisi would have gotten them hanged!”

MBA speaks again, “We are not going take anything lying down. I am calling Jared [Kushner, the president’s son-in-law and senior adviser]. He will get this nonsense stopped. All these stories that the United States is getting closer to delivering answers to Jamal.”

Aldhiyb seeks permission and states, “Your Royal Highness, may God be Praised, indeed Abu Ivanka is most pleased with you. I am sure Mr. Jared will get things straightened out.

“But Your Royal Highness, you know these Americans have this election problem nonstop. So fearing that Abu Ivanka may be advised to initiate any action, I have compiled this list of criminal lawyers…”

MBS growls again, “Jihaz you are right. It is some pressures that are at play. Even the government-owned radio, Voice of America is saying things against me.”

Aldhyib again seeks permission and offers, “Your Royal Highness, my contacts in America have recommended these lawyers just in case we need them.

“See, there is Shawn Chapman-Holley who was hired by Johnnie Cochran to join the O.J. Simpson defense team.  This is strong!

“We have Gerry Schwartzbach who helped obtain an acquittal for actor Robert Blake, who was charged with killing his wife.

“Truc Do defended James Arthur Ray, the self-help guru, who was convicted of negligent homicide. She helped him avoid a manslaughter conviction.

“These are all lawyers who won cases for people accused for murder. Daniel King defended James Holmes, the Aurora movie shooter, and kept him from receiving death sentence. See this is Jimmy Berry, who has kept more than 50 killers from the death chamber.”

MBS once again growls, “I have to silence this silly talk. I will tell Jared to discuss with Abu Ivanka that we need to buy more weapons. You know Abu Ivanka told me that buying beautiful weapons, wins friends. I will play him for his own words that buying beautiful weapons, wins friends.”

Making America a Christian Nation Again

Hank Needleberger, evangelist, faith healer, founder of the Haystack Gospel Church and builder of the Angus Temple, is in a meeting with Angel Nozepinn, chairperson of the Nozepinn Fund for Bible Advancement, to strategize as Missouri, Indiana, West Virginia, Virginia North Dakota, and Florida, are considering bills permitting the study of the Bible in classrooms.

Needleberger opens the discussion, “Angel, today as we meet I am reminded of Herbert Hoover who promised to put a chicken in every pot. I want a Bible in every room, not just hotel rooms.”

Nozepinn interrupts and asks, “Oh hotels… you know how they put the Book of Mormon in all of the Marriotts and all the properties they manage. In my sermons, I always remind people that we all love freebies but in no case they should walk out with this Mormon thing. It is not the Bible!

“But Hank, it will not be easy. The liberals are going to oppose it. They will taunt like there are more than thirty different Bible translations and versions, and all this sort.”

Needleberger quickly offers, “Angela what else! We are building a big war chest. I have met with Zondervan and Thomas Nelson who are the world’s leading Bible publishers. We’ll get more of ‘em.

“And course, we have Trump. Look at this tweet, he sent in support for these laws. ‘Numerous states introducing Bible Literacy classes. … Starting to make a turn back? Great!’

“You know our democracy is great! The more money you raise, the more you win. Angel, we will win! We got a great marketing strategy that public school children are going to study the Bible’s historical significance.”

An elated Nozepinn declares, “We should let these Bible publishers do massive advertising campaigns that while there’s a separation of church and state, but there’s not a separation of books from education.

“I know that we have one victory. In 2017, Kentucky passed legislation creating state regulations for public high schools to offer elective literature courses on the Bible and Hebrew Scriptures. But with all these liberals hounding us, why not, the publishers re-title it like ‘Great News’ or ‘Good News’ with no mention of the word Bible anywhere.”

A guffaw escapes Needleberger, as he offers, “Angel, that’s not bad idea because Muslims often argue that this is not the Bible that God sent.”

Nozepinn quickly confides, “Last week, I was ringing doorbells, asking people to read the Bible, when a un-American guy opens the door, listens to my spiel, and questions me that which of the Bibles he should read… He asked me that which one is the real one… and the guy rattled the names of like thirty versions! I just backed off.

“I think that a repackaged and retitled book will be the safest way to get our book in.”

Needleberger adds, “Oh that is bad. But what about the people among us? The American Protestants will not be alone, the Catholics will protest too. I know these figures are 15 year old, but Pew found that evangelicals are 26 percent while Roman Catholics are 22 percent and mainline Protestants make up 16 percent.

“I am positive that our numbers are much higher now. Look how many evangelicals we have in government. I think that we should go all the way and get our New International Version of the Bible adopted as the permitted version for schools.”

Nozepinn quickly adds, “Hank, we need to get our folks to fill not only Trump’s election coffers but also of all Republicans. You know how Bible literacy bills were considered in Alabama, Iowa and West Virginia — but none passed, and the American Civil Liberties Union boasts that they had opposed these. You know Trump wants to abolish the provision in the tax code that bans tax-exempt churches from supporting political candidates. If he gets that, we will become supreme!

“These bills are our road to promote Christianity in public schools. And every day I see hope. Now this judge… Ruth Bader Ginsburg is nearly on the way out. Trump has numbers on his side in Senate and he will get another right-headed judge. May be we can get the Supreme Court to review the 1963 verdict against teaching the Bible in schools.”

An enthused Needleberger declares, “Our campaign theme should be that Bible studying… I mean, literacy, will help cultivate morals. Already, these Biblical literacy laws have been enacted in more than a half-dozen states since 2000. The campaign to pass them elsewhere shows little sign of stopping. We should keep pressing that the Bible would be treated as a historical and literary source.

“We are on a roll.

“Trump is our hope of making America a Christian nation again.”

Islam is Gobbling up our Own

Smut Vikidson, owner and operator of Smut Towing, who has a second career as member of the area KKK’s Great Titan’s Wrecking Crew – an action squad, which takes physical action against enemies and wayward Klan members, is meeting with Jake Swinestein, principal of Swinestein Consultancy, that specializes in lobbying for the arms industry, who is visiting Korn City.

They have a project to discuss but both have been shocked by the news that Dutch far-right Party for Freedom’s leader Geert Wilders’s right-hand man and a Dutch former MP Joram van Klaveren’s announcement that he has converted to Islam.

Swinestein, who can’t bring himself to express his dismay, turns around his pork chops in his plate, and declares, “Absolutely devastating! This man was ours! He used to call Islam the biggest disease to have hit their country in the last hundred years. He fought a relentless campaign against Islam in the Dutch Parliament, calling for bans of both the Muslim face-veil and minarets.

“I think he has been my Moslem Brotherhood and also he has gotten money from Qatar… they go together. Now he is saying that the analysis which he made as a far-right MP that most problems in the country and the world can be blamed on Islam were false.”

Vikidson adds, “This is most disturbing. Just as we were celebrating the poll that almost half of people in France and Germany believe there is a fundamental clash between Islam and the values of their society, we get van Klaveren’s crossing over the enemy.

“Upon hearing about the poll, our Wizard talked to both Lotte Erbrechen. She is spokesperson of Gesellschaft für Deutsch Vergrößerung, which in English is the Society for German Agrandissement. He also talked to Pierre Vomissement of Société pour l’agrandissement français, which is for French Society for French Agrandissement.

“They were really excited that the YouGov survey, which also polled Britons and Americans that only 13 per cent of people in the UK say that they had a favorable view of Islam. Erbrechen told him that YouGov’s Joel Rogers de Waal said that substantial portions of Western respondents in the survey perceived a clash between Islam and the values of society in their country. He also said that general impressions of Islam were comparatively less favorable than that of other world religions among significant numbers of Western respondents.

“This shows that our work is bearing results.”

Swinestein quickly offers, “This is fantastic. The more people distrust Islam and Moslems, the more weapons we sell.”

Vikidson growls, “But despite these good pools, we getting bad news too. See Joe Ricketts, who owns the Chicago Cubs has been forced to apologize after saying Muslims are my enemy in a series of leaked emails.

“Imagine, this man was considering writing a book entitled ‘Islam, Religion or Cult’… this man’s son, Pete Ricketts is governor of Nebraska. The other son Todd Ricketts is finance chairman of Trump’s re-election campaign. And now Pop Ricketts who believes that Islam is a cult and not a religion is forced to apologize. No sir! I am sure that he really doesn’t mean it… the guy owns the Cubs and he has to sell his tickets!

“Jake, this survey had good news for you that 72 per cent in France and Germany said they were either ‘very concerned’ or ‘fairly concerned’ about the ‘possible rise of extremism’ in Islam. Yeah, people gotta buy more guns and take care of them.

“Jake, you see Trump is right about the wall. You know these Moslems must be pouring in from our southern border. I would say that he shouldn’t stop there. We need to block Canada too. We need to secure America!

“There are good people among us. Folks like Ronald S. Lauder, who is heir to the Estee Lauder fortune, donated more than one million dollars, Dick Schulze, the founder of Best Buy, and Robert and Rebekah Mercer donated to Secure America Now, which produced documentaries like ‘Islamic State of France’, and Islamic State of Germany’ to alert our people to this Muslim menace.

“Jake let me pull back to Wilder’s party. In 2013, he lost Arnoud van Doorn, once his Hague-based city councilor, to Islam.

“Jake, we got to support Wilder. You could get some guns and stuff sent to him. We need to act because Islam is gobbling up our own.”